Need input re: private conversations with niece
Apologies in advance for this novel, but I feel like the context is necessary.
Okay - so I have 3 sisters, all married, and a total of 4 nephews and 4 nieces. The eldest niece is 9 and super mature. She’s like the “mom” of the kids (keeps her 3 siblings in line most of the time since she’s the oldest, helps everyone, is considerate of others, very aware of monetary considerations even though they’re a well-off family, etc.). She’s come to me in the past to ask about the pros and cons of tablets versus computers and what she needs for school. We went over all of it and half of her questions dealt with potential logistical problems (for example: the ease and availability of charging outlets in her bedroom since her younger sister uses almost all of them for her medical devices). Mind you, she’s 9 and really thought through every last possible contingency.
Right, she’s beyond her years. So I feel like she’s at a point in her development where open and honest conversations are a good thing. I know certain topics are hard to go over with parents and it can be easier with an aunt sometimes. I would like to believe that she can see me as a resource. At least, I hope she does. She seems to.
Well, this weekend I spent a night and next day visiting my sister and her kids. There were a couple of hours where we were in her (eldest niece’s) private space in the unfinished attic (she moved things around all on her own and essentially built herself a second bedroom/craft room up there and it’s pretty cool honestly). In that time, we talked about her classmates (5th grade), “cuss words” she’s learned, and we brainstormed ways to basically insulate a portion of the attic so it won’t be so cold in the winter - hanging sheets off the beams and maybe getting a space heater). It was just brainstorming and planning for the “what if her parents let her” kind of thing.
My sister doesn’t really tell me when I’m out of bounds or impeding in any way. I only find out after she calls out mom to complain, cry, or share about my actions... right...
So, I’m worried that She might be seeing my hanging out and brainstorming possibilities with my niece as me forcing things to happen or somehow upsetting the balance between mother and child. I’m also concerned that the niece might mention things we’ve talked about that I made sure to establish is private between just us and could get me in trouble otherwise. I want to be able to have a transparent and honest relationship with her... but she’s 9 and part of me is worried something could be said out of context and look bad on me. So that’s a source of anxiety for me.
On top of it all, I was supposed to leave that evening when the babysitter showed up. Well, she came with fairy hair to put in the girls’ hair and I had never seen it done before. I asked to watch and learn, then try a few strands on the girls’ hair. I lost track of time and ended up being there a solid hour with the babysitter. I lost track of time entirely and didn’t have my phone on me, and it was on silent. I missed a text from my sister saying that they want this sitter (I guess it was her first time with the kids. Which I hadn’t realized at the time) to get the full experience with the kids alone. Mind you, literally all I did was sit on the floor and tied in some fairy hair... The sitter handled bedtime rituals and all that, and I did not do anything but literally sit on the floor practicing this new “skill,” if you can even call it that lol. Well, an hour passed by, an hour longer than I intended to be there, and when I looked at my phone I had two texts from my sister. The second was her being forceful and telling me I need to leave now.
I might just be ruminating on a small thing that isn’t a big deal and will be forgotten by Monday, but nonetheless I want input. I’m anxious and upset with myself for overstaying my welcome once the babysitter got there. I don’t want to upset my sister or complicate our relationship, nor do I want it to hurt my ability to keep visiting the kids and getting alone time with them. I’d like to even take them out myself, but I don’t know if I can if my rapport diminishes with my sister.
So tell me, is this just a small moment in time that will be a blip on the radar or could this be an actual issue I’ve caused for myself? I am likely just ruminating from anxiety, but I want to know how others interpret these events... Also, is 9 too early to be having super open conversations that are private between us? If so, I need to know so I can hold back. I’m just questioning myself a lot right now. I appreciate any and all feedback. Thanks for reading my novel lol