Too involved with my nieces and nephews?
By
admin
,
Sep 11 2017
Hi all,
I am really struggling.Since the day they were each born, I have been
like a second Mom to my nieces. I have such special relationships with
each of them, am the Godmother of #2 and I love them like they were my
own kids.
Throughout their lives, I have lived 10 miles away from them and I have
been totally engaged in their lives - going to every sporting event,
every school function, every extracurricular event, etc. My
sister-in-law always made a point to include me in everything and make
me aware of every single one of their events. Patterns were established
over the course of their early years as to my interactions with them/my
level of involvement with their lives. My sister-in-law and I had an
amazing relationship, as did she and my Mom.
Over the course of the past five years, my sister-in-law has become
someone I don't even recognize anymore. See acts like she is bipolar -
you just never know who you are going to get when you see her. She
yells at the kids more and her fuse is very short. I feel so bad for
the kids (they have 2 girls and 2 boys). Her and my relationship has
been incredibly strained and she is often condescending, rude and
downright mean to me - many times in front of the kids. And she is very
passive aggressive. Every time she has been, I have taken the high
road and not responded - for the sake of the kids. I don't want them to
feel more uncomfortable than they already do.
Recently, she blocked me from Facebook and stopped talking to me. I was
finally able to talk to my brother the other night and they are
basically blaming me for all of her hurt and anger the last several
years - because I am too close to the girls and am "sabotaging" her
efforts to build her relationships with them. My nieces are 14 and 15
and her relationship with the 15-year-old is very strained because her
daughter just doesn't like her - which I don't blame her quite frankly.
I hug them too long and too much, I have all the fun with them - which
makes her look bad because she is the one that has to discipline them, I
take too many pictures with them on special occasions, I spend too much
time with them at family events, we look at pictures on our phones too
much when we are all together (Maybe if I start printing them, that
would make it ok?), I text/Snapchat with them too much (which is now my
only way to communicate with them), I go to too many of their events -
basically everything I have always done with them throughout their
lives. My brother says that even though I may think I am acting in the
best interest of the kids, I am really being selfish and doing it all
for my own happiness when I do all this because I am trying to fill a
void in my life (I am single with no kids). I was flabbergasted. He
said this has bothered her for a long time and now it is making it near
impossible for her to be close to the girls. I am supposed to stop
having the type of relationship I do with the girls and am supposed to
ask my sister-in-law what I can and can not do / how I can and can not
act with the girls and "fall in line" with what they think is
acceptable. Basically, she would be happy if I just disappeared
altogether.
Beside myself, the ones who are really suffering here are the kids.
They all walk on eggshells when they are with me and their Mom is also
there. It's like none of us know how to act for fear of setting her
off. She doesn't think she plays any role at all in the deterioration
of our relationship and that it is all because of how I act. She will
never take any form of accountability.
My brother said the ONLY way this will be resolved is if I approach her
and apologize (for being myself, basically) and ask her what the "rules
of engagement" are. And I am SICK of having to be the bigger person and
take all of the abuse and bullying from her. Yet, my youngest niece,
my Goddaughter - with whom I have such a close/lovey relationship - has
told me she is sad that her Mom and I don't get along anymore. All the
kids are torn because she is their Mom and they love me dearly. And I
am torn because I don't even want to see her, much less talk to her, yet
the kids are the loves of my life.