logo

Already a Member? Click here to Log In Not a Member? Click here to Register

Forum Tools

Forum Categories

Create New Thread

View: Most Recent Discussions Your Threads Participated Threads

Search the Forums: All Topics Replies; Advanced Search

Category

Username

Get The Latest Forums Delivered to You!

Subscribe to the Savvy Auntie Forums RSS feed and get the latest delivered to your news or blog reader. That way, you never miss a thing! How Savvy!

Invite a Friend to Join

Name

Family

advice, please

By miasmom , Mar 2 2013

Hi everyone. My brother and his wife are expecting their first child and my parents are over the moon.

I am one of 3, my sister is infertile due to Crohn's disease (and very very unhappy about it.) I have problems with depression and do not want children because I do not want to pass that on to my child. i think that is a very intellectual, maternal decision. my brother is the only boy and really can't do any wrong. My nephew is due in 2 weeks. They live in England so we have not experienced the fun part of pregnancy, seeing how Mom grows, feeling the child kick, as we are too far away to really do anything.

I also was raped 10 1/2 years ago and have had a lot of problems with PTSD (i think due to my age - I was 33 when it happened.) I am very lucky in that he is in prison for life and I am actually getting restitution, which I know is very rare.

I have a dog who is my best friend and she is also a therapy dog. Babies are not part of my life, and I find myself really not interested in the baby yet. they are coming to visit in the summer, and I think it will be better when I can actually meet this child. but I am just not excited right now. I have been trying to figure this out, and the only thing that I can come up with is that I don't want this child to have the heartbreak that life can bring. I realize that is completely unrealistic, but I think it has a lot to do with my PTSD, so I have to listen to it. Feelings are not right or wrong they just are.

Last night my mother said that i was a "little off" because I am not excited or interested in baby details. Wow, did that hurt and I didn't appreciate it. trying to figure out how to let her know.

So is there any woman out there who feels the "odd person out" because they just are not baby people? Can any one relate? I really don't know what to do.

thank you so much for listening.

Lori

AmySmllwd replied at 10:47pm on Mar 3 2013

I'm going to rephrase what you've said to make sure that I understand what your asking.

Your brother and his wife are expecting a baby and they live in England. You don't feel connected to this situation and the baby. You assume this is either because you're not a baby person, or because they live in England, or because you battle depression. Your mom thinks it is strange that you don't feel connected and you're hoping this feeling of disconnect will go away once you see the baby.

Is that correct?

If I'm correct in understanding what you're asking...I'm going to answer with a resounding THIS IS NORMAL!!! My sister had a baby three months ago. Her pregnancy happened right in front of me. We live in the same town and see each other at least once a week and sometimes three or four times a week. With both of her pregnancies, I did not feel a single connection to the child until the baby was born. Even then, it wasn't an ah-ha moment...it took some time. Her oldest is five and we have a wonderful relationship and I see no reason why it will be any different with the three month old.

So, don't fret, don't let others tell you what you SHOULD be feeling...sometimes, these things just take time. No worries!!

miasmom replied at 7:14pm on Mar 29 2013

Hi AmySmilwd,
I have to ask you (if you are comfortable sharing) - are you in the mental health field? I liked your reply and it sounded like what a therapist might say ! :) I am also a MSW grad student so maybe I have some kind of radar :)

I am happy to announce that Cameron Robert was born 3/16 at 7:38pm UK time, and he is fine. i am feeling a little (no a lot) more excited than before. my brother and his wife are doing well too, and even ventured out on their first walk with my SIL's dog. i am looking forward to meeting Cameron and have enjoyed all the pics that they have sent me.

I also had some visitors last week (My mother grew up with 13 brothers and sisters - so i have a whole bunch of second and third cousins.) My second cousin brought her little girl who is 4. her mother told me she had a bad experience with a dog barking at her so I sat down with her and my dog and let her give treats (just in case she had any fear of dogs going on.) Right before we went to bed, this little girl said to me, good night I love you. And I kind of said to myself all right so THIS is what everyone is talking about. my first reaction (unspoken) was no honey don't make yourself so vulnerable, second reaction was wow. I got down on my knees so I was on her level and said I love you too and I think you are a special little girl and asked if I could give her a hug, which she had no problem with.

so thanks so much for your reply - I really appreciate it.

I hope you are well.

aunt Lori :)

miasmom replied at 8:42pm on Jul 25 2013

so here is an update. My brother, his wife and baby Cameron are here visting. Boy is he cute! I don't spend much time with him as we are not on the same sleep schedule (I work full time). Mom is enjoying him very much and it is nice to see her so excited. however, I am seeing a huge difference in how Mom is treating me and how she is treating my brother and sister in law. there is of course more to this but I just want to keep it short and ask if anyone else experiences sibling rivalry with siblings who may or may not have children'?

hope everyone is well.

aunt Lori