BAE
replied at
1:49pm
on
Jul 30 2014
Hi, KellyB
Wow! You have a LOT on your plate. I'm not sure how you are managing to work for your parents and Nanny your niece at the same time. 5 year olds are BUSY!!! Your powers of time management must be amazing!!
First, I am sure you are NOT doing it wrong! You are just feeling overwhelmed.
It seems like your parents/sister may not be taking your concerns and feelings all that seriously and that you are the go-to-catch-all-back up for when your sister needs a rescue.
I think a re-calibration of your original agreement with your sister needs to happen and a clear set of responsibilities put in place. (contracts are re-negotiated all the time!)
It's time for a serious sit-down with your sister and explain how you feel.
Come up with schedule for your sister with respect to the care of your niece. Something to the effect of; Sister, I love niece, that is never a question, but I feel like our original arrangement is not working anymore and feel like I need a little more time back to spend on myself and on my SO. Effective 2-weeks from now (in order to give her enough time to arrange for back-up care for your niece), I will care for niece between 8am and 5pm daily. If you need care outside of those times, you will need to arrange for alternative care. (you can put your own spin on it and add some frills.
)
You may even want to arrange for a close family friend/relative to act as back up for her (notice I didn't say back up for you. ) as a way of paving the road for her, but ultimately, it's up to her to ensure her child has care. She can call your mom, dad, her ex-husband, a family friend or a babysitter. You can't always be the on-call backup.
Does your sister pack a lunch for her daily, or is it your responsibility to make her lunch? If it is up to you to make her lunch, let your sister know that you can't continue to make her lunch every day and that she will need to ensure she packs one for your niece daily. If you all live together, let her know that each morning, she will needs to set out what she wants niece to eat that day so you don't need to figure it out... (she is 5yrs old and will be going to school shortly, so she may as well get used to packing a lunch, now!!)
The tricky part with this is that you are going to need to STICK to the schedule. If your sister calls at 4:30 and says she needs to put in overtime, let her know SHE is going to have to arrange for a sitter as you have plans you absolutely cannot break. (Doesn't matter what those plans are. It could be to go out to the park and run your bare feet through the grass. Doesn't matter. Point is, they are your plans, on your time and you don't need to explain or justify them. This is called having a life.)
The best thing to do is come up with a proactive plan ahead of time, sit down with your sister and have an honest, open discussion and come to an agreement that works for both you, your sister and your niece.
Wishing you the very best of luck!
-BAE