Dear Concerned Auntie,
It is so difficult to see behaviors like your sister's and nieces that conflict with your beliefs and values.This is a recurring theme in the letters Dear Savvy Auntie receives.
It is not unusual for teenagers to explore same gender relationships, even sexually. The majority of them are just experimental; so don't jump to the conclusion that your niece is a lesbian.
She may have been attracted to the older teenager (she is not a grown woman yet) for satisfaction of her maternal needs; as you report her own mother ignores her. She may also be imitating her mother and "one upping" her.That is where you come in! Skip the lectures, hold your judgment and spend time with her. Impart your beliefs by example, by interesting activities and most importantly...by acceptance and love. If the topic of her relationship arises you can talk about the importance of "caringness", support and commitment in a sexual relationship. Is she receiving this? I would even go so far as to try to meet her "friend." The reports of sexual involvement may be exaggerated and bringing it out into the light of day most often will diffuse it.
Perhaps you could introduce a new and interesting interest: dog walking, a sport,a craft, anything that takes up time and energy that is enhancing.
I hope you don't find this flip...at least there is no worry about pregnancy!
I wish you and your niece the very best,
Natalie Robinson Garfield
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