Dear Savvy Auntie,
I am the proud Aunt of a wonderful 10 year old boy. He is being raised
by both his 42-year old single mother and live in grandma. The father
is 1500 miles away and has never been involved in his life. Except for
a few boyfriends my sister has had that were introduced into and then
taken out of his life, he has had no male influence in his life. (His
grandfather, who is also on the opposite end of the country, WANTS a
relationship with his grandson, but due to my sister's eagerness to
blame the world for her past troubles and her unwillingness to own her
own garbage and make amends for the pain she caused our family years
before her son was born, he is not only being deprived from having a
male influence in his life, he is deprived from having a GRANDPA (which
both my sister and I were blessed with having during our childhood).
My sister is also a very passive parent. She doesn't tell him he has to
do something but rather asks him if he wants to (in which the answer is
always NO unless it's eating junkfood or playing video games), She lets
him eat whatever he wants to (she serves him junkfood all day long and
his meals consist of; processed mac and cheese, grilled cheese, corn
beef hash, bacon, french fries) and he insists on either or and will
never eat anything combined (ie fries and a hot dog or fries and
chicken nuggets). He has no fruit or vegetables in his diet and
whenever either grandma or I try to encourage him to try different
things, she screams (usually from the other room - she miraculously
hears everything) NOT TO FORCE HIM TO EAT ANYTHING HE DOESN'T WANT TO.
He even refuses to try watermelon, isn't that every kids favorite? He
is addicted to computer and video games and owns an x-box, Wii, 2
nintendo DS, and more games than at the Game Stop..... he is on those
games for hours on end (I counted 8 hours once when I was there) and
throws a FIT when he's told to get off. He rarely goes outside to play
and only plays video games with the few friends he has.
I got her permission to take him on a week long summer vacation to
visit his grandpa whom he hasn't seen for years. He was both excited
but nervous because he wasn't sure if his grandpa was excited to see
him. I reassured him that grandpa was overjoyed, excited and happier
than ever that he was going to see him! We had the most fantastic week
and my nephew was genuinely HAPPY, chatty (and really enjoyed grandpa,
grandpa's wife of 18 years, and the whole family unit as it was for a
week). Until of course he talked to his mother on the phone, in which
he then became quiet and reclusive for a period of time afterward. I
could hear his mother on the other line and all she said to him was "do
you miss me", "how much" ... .... not once did she ask what he's doing,
if he's having fun, etc. (she does this when he comes to visit me too).
He made mention on more than one occasion during the course of this
vacation and for all to hear that "mommy spends day and night on
Facebook and doesn't give me food" .... It's all VERY DISTURBING.
She would never (ever) harm him physically - as a matter of fact she
over loves - but I'm concerned she's harming him emotionally and
doesn't even know it (she's clueless and doesn't want advice from
anyone, especially from me)..... what in the world can I do? I lose
sleep. I worry SO much about his emotional well being and his future
health due to his horrible diet. She is a recluse and has no adult
friendships. She can't even communicate face to face with other adults.
Her only "friends" are long distance whom she communicates with online.
She goes through jobs like toilet paper and hasn't worked for close to
a year. There is nothing I can do about her and I've given up, but I
can't and won't turn my back on my nephew, who has the right to grow
healthy, strong and normal. Please tell me what to do, I love this boy
so much! Thanks!
Anonymous