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Dear Savvy Auntie,

My dad is nearly eighty and not well. I am married but I don’t yet have kids (not that we’re not trying). My sister has two kids and uses that as an excuse as to why she can never help with dad. I don’t think it’s fair that I have to do all the work, when they are at school all day and she is a stay-at-home mom. It’s like motherhood has made her "Queen" and too good for the hard stuff. Any advice?

Dealing with a "Queen"

Dear Dealing with a "Queen",

It is often the case that one sibling is more of a caretaker to an ailing parent. Perhaps, you can find other ways that your sister can contribute to your father’s care…paying for a home-helper or car service to medical treatment, cooking a number of meals for the week, having the kids write get well wishes to grandpa, or just calling your dad more often. Your burden is also a blessing in that you get to have a deeper relationship with your dad. It is not possible to change someone else, only yourself. Can you try to not be competitive with your sister? She is the ultimate loser in this situation. Being a “Queen” is very lonely.

Keep on loving,
Natalie Robinson Garfield

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