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Dear Savvy Auntie,

I don’t know what it is about my sisters, but they kind of treat me like a child even though we’re all close in age. They’ve been married for about 10 years on average, and I’ve never been married. They don’t involve me in conversations about the kids, as if I wouldn’t understand. And they often patronize me, inferring that I don’t have obligations and responsibilities of my own. I’m an investment banker with long hours and am focused on finding a guy for myself, which isn’t easy. My life’s not as simple as it looks. How do I get them to understand that and respect me even though I’m not married and don’t yet have kids?

Single, not a Child

Dear Single, not a Child,

They may be jealous of your freedom, financial independence, and as they see it, lack of responsibilities. Keep in mind their marriages may not be as fulfilling as they had hoped. Suggest a dinner in a quiet restaurant and talk with them , keeping their feelings in mind as you express yours. A very successful structure is “when you don’t involve me in talks about the kids, I feel left out.” Another tack is to read a book on the developmental stages of their children - Touchpoints by T.Berry Brazelton is a good place to start. If things don’t change, try a few sessions with a developmental psychologist to increase your working knowledge of their children’s particular stages. Our society still pressures single women to fit the mold and it is a price many unmarried professionals have to pay.

Best regards,
Natalie Robinson Garfield

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