Dear Partner Auntie,
Your situation is quite new and very prevalent.
Our society has only had options such as IVF, donor sperm, surrogate
mothers and gay and lesbian adoption in the last fifteen years or so. I have
counseled many couples and the solution is not…”get her to
understand.”
The solution is in entering a process of communication
that leads to deeper understanding of each others’ feelings, visions for
the future and concerns. The two of you should sit down, once a week
for a month (or more) and have bite-size talks. Put all the cards on the
table…money, parenting roles, religious practices, values, education
and most importantly, your relationship. Listen to your partner’s point
of view and really hear her objections. If you would like to contact me
for an outline of topics for your discussions I would be glad to give
you a structure and agenda. In the meantime, try to be more of a parent
figure to the two boys. Be sure to have time alone with them that
includes care taking. You might want to find a special name for
yourself…Pallie, Buddie, Mumzy, or Luvey are just a few possibilities.
I wish you well,
Natalie Robinson Garfield
TheSenseConnection.Wordpress.com
This Dear Savvy Auntie letter was first published in July 2008. We have updated it and republished it now - June 22, 2016.
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