When teaching cooperation, the first thing to consider is whether your expectations are developmentally appropriate. Taking a 2-year-old into a clothing store while you shop after they’ve been in their stroller for 40 minutes, and expecting them to continue to stay in the stroller, is not developmentally appropriate or reasonable. Here are some suggestions I have if you are trying to teach your niece or nephew to be cooperative:

1. Inside Voices

When a child is being loud in a place where you’d rather they use a quieter voice, make it a game. Ask them: “Can you say that in a whisper?” “Can you say that like an animal might?” Before you take your niece or nephew to quieter places, play a Quiet-Loud game. Say a word loudly and say it quietly. (You can also do this with instruments.) Practice a whisper, an outside voice, and an inside voice. Remind them of these different voices before you go into a restaurant or library.

2. Sharing

This could truly be a post of its own, but consider this… If a friend came to your house and wanted to borrow a cup of sugar and your best china, you probably wouldn’t think twice about the sugar and might feel some anxiety about the china. This is not dissimilar from how young children feel about their possessions. When your niece or nephew has a playdate, have them choose 3-5 toys that they want to play with their friend, and leave the rest at home. Stick with them during the playdate and help support your niece or nephew. Reassure them that you will make sure that everyone has a turn. Next time they’ll find “sharing” easier.

3. Grocery Shopping

Rather than saying “No” every time they point to, or pick up, an item, play “I Spy” or give them part of the list. Children have brand recognition from a very young age. “Can you point to the Cheerios?” “Where do you see the carrots?” “Can you find the cookies with the pink wrapper?” Older children can help cut the packaging from empty containers or ads to make their own shopping list. This idea works at home, too. Toddlers, in particular, love to help! They can find matching socks while you do laundry and sort mixed up toys into containers.

Have specific questions or frustrations? Have a great tip to share? Get in touch! dana@danaskids.com

Dana Rosenbloom, M.S. Ed, is owner and therapist at Dana's Kids, a business dedicated to providing support and education for families with both typically-developing children, as well as those with special needs, who are struggling with developmental challenges.

Published: December 10, 2013