Once in a while, we come across a guest Expert who has something impactful to contribute to the Savvy Auntie Community. Cynthia Blair Kane is a freelance writer and editor living in New York and Madrid and has recently become a Savvy Auntie! She offered to share her new experience with us.

In the May 2009 issue of American Baby there was a first week survival guide to being home with your new baby, and I’m not lying when I say my sister had this article out and memorized before delivering a couple weeks ago. I also read through the essay to get a sense of what my sister was going to be experiencing the first week back. And although I got an idea of what she was going to go through, I had no idea, as an aunt, what was required of me during this time. And, honestly, neither did my sister.

Before the baby I thought all my sister would need was an extra hand, well, it turns out that without a baby nurse, the aunt-to-be figure is needed more than ever. While my sister was dealing with exhaustion, elevated hormone levels, and the Oh my god factor of just having a baby, I was there to help make her life easier in any way I could.    

To help prepare you for what’s to come, below you’ll find the first week aunt survival guide!

The Morning Routine   

-Sanitize:
After your sister becomes a new mom, the last thing she’ll have any energy for—especially after pumping and feeding every two to three hours—is cleaning bottles. She’s praying that there could be someone around to do that for her. Enter you!

Aunt: Wake up in the morning and head straight to the kitchen to sanitize! Depending on the feeding schedule the night before, you may find dirty bottles, tops, nipples, and pumping equipment on the counter. All of this needs to be cleaned. If you don’t have a sanitizer in the house, get acquainted with boiling hot water to drop all the materials into.
Sterilize as many times as your sister feeds and pumps throughout the day.

-Breakfast Time:

After the baby is born, your sister may lose her appetite, or be too exhausted to prepare a hot meal. But of course it goes without saying that she needs to eat! Particularly if she’s breast-feeding or pumping, getting nutrients into her system is a must.

Aunt:  It’s good to have a lot of easy-to-make food on hand for breakfast. Even if the new mommy isn’t hungry, make sure she’s eating. Good things to have around the house are fruits, yogurt, bagels, and eggs. Also, if you have the time to make meals and freeze them, this is an easy way for your sister to be able to grab something and heat it up when you’re not there.

-Pump and Pill Time:

Of course your sis has told you many times that she has her pumping and pill-popping schedule down, but sometimes it may slip her mind. With so many things running around in her head, it helps if there’s someone there to remind her and assist her by getting everything prepared and ready for use.

Aunt: Keep track of your sister’s pills and at what times she should take them. Assemble the pumping materials when it’s time and hand them over to your sister. A word of advice here: if you have any problems with seeing your sister’s boobs or Austin Powers-like nipples during this time, you may have to prepare yourself. I saw more of my sister’s upper body in the weeks after she gave birth than I ever thought possible. If your sister is wearing nipple protectors, you may have to run those under hot water for her. While she’s pumping, it’s great if you can find something for her on television. My sister taped the entire first season of The Gilmore Girls so that she would have something to entertain herself with as she filled up the bottles. Although the theme song did become annoying after awhile—she even sang it to rock the baby to sleep—it gave her something to focus on while pumping besides the “Oh my god, I’m a mommy!” factor.

-Feeding Time:

So, your sister just fell asleep for a nap, and suddenly the baby starts crying. Why? Perhaps there’s a dirty diaper that needs changing, or perhaps it’s feeding time again. Think about how nice it would be if you could just let your sister get three solid hours of sleep.

Aunt: If the baby is crying, check to make sure its diaper is clean. If it’s not, welcome to the world of changing! After you change its diaper, if the baby is still screaming at you, then it’s most likely been three hours since the last feeding and the baby is starving. Make up a bottle, depending on the amount of milk the baby needs. I liked to make the bottles ahead of time and then store them in the refrigerator; this way I knew that I only needed about ten minutes to warm the bottle before the baby could eat. If you aren’t using a bottle warmer, put a measuring cup full of water in the microwave for one minute and fifty seconds, and then drop the bottle into the cup. About five to ten minutes later, boom, the bottle is ready. Of course, you should ask your sister beforehand whether it’s okay for you to feed the baby; again, communicating is essential when it comes to a healthy mother/aunt relationship.  If your sister gives you the go-ahead—then go for it! Feeding is a wonderful way to bond with your new niece or nephew, and gives your sister a well-deserved break. One other thing to mention is burping. There are a lot of ways to burp a baby. My favorite method is to put a burping cloth on the shoulder and hold the baby upright; then, pat the baby on its back and soon or later you’ll hear a sound and feel the dampness of spit up!
   
The Afternoon Routine

-Laundry:

After your sister throws the fifth outfit, burping cloth, or changing pad of the day into the dirty clothes bin, she’s scared. She may not say it outright, and it’s not the amount of filth on anything that’s sending her into panic mode, but that there is a stack of laundry to be done.

Aunt: You’d be surprised at how much laundry needs to be done, day after day. From pooplosions to pee-outs to throw up, laundry is constantly getting made and will become your new friend. If you see the basket piling up, take it down to the laundry room.

- Supermarket:

If your sister’s appetite is alive and kicking and she opens the refrigerator in search of a meal or a snack, she might not be greeted with a wealth of options. Who has time to go to the store with a newborn, anyway? Um…you do!

Aunt: Once the baby is sleeping or is relatively calm and you’ve checked with your sister, head to the supermarket to pick up groceries and anything from the pharmacy that she may need.

- Clean:

Sitting on her couch with her computer, you sister looks around and notices that there are baby gifts everywhere, clothes strewn all over the couch, and dirt collecting in the corners. What’s a mommy to do?

Aunt: Try to clean up a bit so that your sister’s place doesn’t look like a disaster zone. If possible, it’s even a good idea to see about getting someone to come in and do some cleaning for her.

The Nighttime Routine

-Walk the Dog:

My sister’s main concern before having her baby was about her dog, Norman. She was worried that after the baby was born, Norman would feel unloved and less like the baby in the house.

Aunt: If your sister has a dog, it will need a lot of attention. With all of the new people in the house, the dog may be overactive and bark at every new sound. To phase out the jumpiness, take the dog on a long walk so that it can get exercise and release its anxiety. And after letting the dog out, don’t forget to bring him back in!

-Dinner:

Even making decisions about what she wants to eat for dinner could throw your sister into a tizzy right now. Why not give her two options and go from there?

Aunt: The great thing about dinner is that you can order pick-up or delivery. Of course, remember that if you order food for pick-up, you’ll have to hop in the car and go get it!

So, all of the above may have you thinking that after the baby is born, you’re going to be a slave. I’ll be honest and admit that at the end of the night, pouring myself a drink, I thought about just that. Never mind that where my sister lives was actually a slave quarters for the big house on the corner, it’s hard not to feel like your needs are being pushed aside to make her life easier. There were many times where my sister told me to do something; she wouldn’t ask, she would tell. And there were many times I kept my emotions hidden so as not to upset her. But the truth is that once I aired my issues with her, and let her know that I also had things I needed to do—like work, for example—she completely understood.

To have the best mother/aunt relationship possible, there needs to be empathy. Sure, the aunt needs to understand what their sister is going through, but the sister should also recognize what the aunt is feeling. For you to be the aunt your sister wants you to be, you have to feel appreciated, understood, and involved. The experience becomes a shared adventure— one where both people have to be open with each other about expectations and needs. “To stay connected, there has to be an awareness of mutual needs," reminds Susan N. Solomon, a New York City-based psychotherapist. Identifying the feelings of both adults will strengthen and balance the relationship, assuring everyone’s needs are met.

A good thing to remember after the baby is born is that while you’re making life easier for your sister, you’re also getting to spend time with your new niece or nephew. Maybe you live close by or maybe you don’t, but the first weeks after the baby is born are some of the best times for bonding.