Separation and divorce is difficult for children at any age or stage; even adult children. A nationwide survey has determined that divorce is the number one stressor for children. Their world is often torn apart or minimally dramatically changed. They feel cast adrift into an as yet unknown new way of being a family. You, a savvy auntie or uncle can be their mooring. The safe harbor they can count on to be there for them. Here are 10 ways for you to make this transition easier and less anxiety provoking:

1.    Increase your contact and communication. In our highly technological world this is quite easy. Establish a regular communication schedule by email, text, instant message, Facebook, SKYPE, calls, snail mail or in person.

2.    Do not take sides. This is easier said than done. No matter who you think is in the right or in the wrong remain neutral; both parties are their parents.

3.    Be available for emotional conversations. This means listening and validating the children’s feelings although you can advise their behavior. Any and all feelings should be accepted. Don’t be surprised if there is a broad range- from fear to relief, from anger to sadness, and from denial to hysterics.

4.    Increase fun activities. Children work out their feelings through play and activities. Encourage any new hobbies and interests and enhance ones they already participate in.

5.    Establish traditions and rituals. Such as…every Saturday we go to the movies, every Sunday we go out for breakfast, once a month on Tuesdays we go to the park, when we get together we make special omelets etc.

6.    Try to maintain civil relations with your family members. This can be very difficult, I know. Research shows that children whose parents have an amicable relationship after the divorce do the best in every way. Be the example for them to follow.

7.    Read the book “The Boys and Girls Book about Divorce,” by Richard Gardner, show it to their mother or father or both and if they approve have a copy available for the children.

8.    Enhance the children’s concept of family. Show them photos of their extended family, tell stories about family members- grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, and your own childhood.

9.    Keep your opinions to yourself and do not share your feelings unless the children are at least teenagers. Keep in mind that adolescents are starting to figure out what makes relationships work. Assure them that there is a great deal of information about good relationships and when they are ready they can access this. Their parents need not be their only model.

10.    There are stages in every divorce and every separation and divorce is different; but the common denominator is that your nieces and nephews need your attention, acceptance and love.