January 30, 2023

Dear Savvy Aunties,

In the spring of 2007, I had the idea to create a community and lifestyle brand for PANKs, or Professional Aunts No Kids, the term I coined for the growing trend of women who are not moms (by circumstance, choice or challenge) and love the children in their life. I wanted these women to have the resources and community moms and dads have to more savvy about their most beloved role. I called the brand: Savvy Auntie.

August 24, 2022

March, 2022
Dear Savvy Aunties,

I am so proud to share that the 14th annual Auntie's Day® is Sunday, July 24, 2022. I established the day back on July 26, 2009 and I cannot believe this will be our 14th year honoring and celebrating all the cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and all women who love kids. Like a "Mother's Day" for all the other mothers, I hope you will be acknowledged on this day for all that you do for your nieces and nephews by relation and by choice, your godchildren and all the other children with whom you have a special bond.

To learn more, please go to AuntiesDay.com for ideas on how to celebrate and be celebrated. More content will be published throughout months leading up to Auntie's Day.

January 2, 2019

Dear Savvy Aunties,

In the spring of 2007, I had the idea to create a community and lifestyle brand for PANKs, or Professional Aunts No Kids, the term I coined for the growing trend of women who are not moms (by circumstance, choice or challenge) and love the children in their life. I wanted these women to have the resources and community moms and dads have to more savvy about their most beloved role. I called the brand: Savvy Auntie.

It was then that I made the decision to leverage my experience as a marketing and communications executive at global media, finance and consumer goods companies - along with my Savvy “Auntuition” of what women like me - childFULL women - wanted and needed, to create Savvy Auntie. Waking up in 2019, I feel so grateful for that morning in 2007 when I woke up as an "Auntrepreneur." I am so proud of all the things we as a community - the Savvy "Auntourage" - have been able to accomplish. I'm humbled by the response of both aunts and those who love them.

Late last year, I released the first of several reports from our national PANK study - GENERATION PANK: A Report on the Social & Economic Influence of Professional Aunts No Kids. The data and insights further support why aunts by relation and aunts by choice deserve the attention of media and marketers who often leave this influential cohort out of the conversation.

July 23, 2018

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I can remember my first day of kindergarten. There were lots of kids I didn’t know, a teacher who seemed pretty and nice, and a peanut butter sandwich, crusts cut off, waiting for me in my new red lunch box, care of my mommy.

Within days, I had come to enjoy the rhythm of the morning, often ending with story time seated in a circle with my new friends. Miss Scarf read aloud, and in one memorable moment, came to a word I’d never heard before. “Do you know what a design is?” she asked. Thankfully, I wasn’t alone in being stumped. Nor was I alone in realizing that there were a whole lot of words out there I didn’t know, and I couldn’t wait for the day when I would know all the words in the whole wide world (I estimated that would be by third grade.)

April 24, 2018

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It's hard to believe, but the 10th Auntie's Day is just three months away! Since 2009, Auntie's Day has taken place on the fourth Sunday in July. This year, Auntie's Day is Sunday, July 22.

I established Auntie's Day a year after I founded Savvy Auntie as a day to feel acknowledged and appreciated for all that you do for the children in your life - from every boo boo you kiss, every little hand you hold, and every word of love and encouragement you offer.

Aunthood is a gift. This day is yours.

Like Mother's Day and Father's Day, Auntie's Day is a national celebration of cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and all women who love children-not-their-own. I hope you are honored on this day by the kids you love and their parent(s). And I hope you take at least a few minutes on Sunday, July 22 to appreciate the valuable role you play in the lives of those children - and the family village.

For more ways to celebrate and be celebrated on Auntie's Day, check out our ideas, here.

XOXO
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, SAVVY AUNTIE

April 11, 2018

Hello Savvy Auntourage!

For the first time in while, I’m asking a favor of you. As a self-funded Auntrepreneur, I launched SAVVY AUNTIE in July 2008 - a decade ago! I’ve invested everything I have in our modern celebration of Aunthood – a celebration of you!

To lead us into the next decade and beyond, I need your help.

Over the last 10 years, we’ve learned a lot about PANKs® (Professional Aunt No Kids) and non-moms of Otherhood®. Now, I’m on a quest to help us learn even more about our tribe. This is our opportunity to show the world who we are, what we care about, and why others should pay attention to our influence in family, community, economy, politics and more.

Please consider taking the SAVVY AUNTIE Survey: SurveyMonkey.com/r/savvyauntie

The survey should take approximately 15-20 minutes to complete. I realize this may be a bit longer than other surveys, but we're the only ones seeking to best study and understand our demographic so naturally, we want to make sure we ask you the right questions.

I value every second you are investing in our research so, as a thank you, you’ll have the chance at the end of the survey to enter your email address for a chance to WIN a $50 Amazon gift card. By entering, you’ll also be among the first to receive news of our findings when our report is published in a few weeks.

Don’t worry. I will not share your personal information with anyone other than my incredibly talented research partner, Michael De Cicco. Over the last twenty years, Michael has worked on global research studies for some of the largest and most beloved consumer brands and I'm thrilled we've teamed up for this study. After all, you deserve the best.

Thank you again so very much. It means the world to me. 
SAVVY AUNTIE Survey: SurveyMonkey.com/r/savvyauntie

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin

March 7, 2018

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I am so proud to share that the 10th annual Auntie's Day® is Sunday, July 22, 2018. I established the day back on July 26, 2009 and I cannot believe this will be our 10th year honoring and celebrating all the cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and all women who love kids. Like a "Mother's Day" for all the other mothers, I hope you will be acknowledged on this day for all that you do for your nieces and nephews by relation and by choice, your godchildren and all the other children with whom you have a special bond.

To learn more, please go to AuntiesDay.com for ideas on how to celebrate and be celebrated. More content will be published throughout months leading up to Auntie's Day.

For now, mark your calendars!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie



 

October 18, 2017

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As many of you know, we have a very active Savvy Auntie Facebook Page (Facebook.com/savvyauntie), with over 101,000 cool aunts, great-aunts and godmothers who love the children in their life, sharing their comments on topics we post daily. It's fun and gratifying to see all the interactions there!

But I realize that a public forum isn't always ideal for aunts who want to discuss more sensitive issues. That's why, earlier this month, I created a "Closed" SAVVY AUNTIE GROUP  on Facebook as a safe place to share your experience, ask for advice or thoughts from fellow members of the Auntourage, and share ideas, articles, and other points of interest related to aunthood and surrounding topics like family, relationships, the single life, being childless or childfree by choice, etc.

I encourage you to join the Group - whether you have things to post, comments to adds, or just want to see what other Savvy Aunties are talking about. I look forward to seeing you there.

Join us, here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/182581342314504/

XOXO
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

August 16, 2017

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I've been seeing posts from proud parents on my Facebook feed with photos of their kids off to their first day of school. For some, it's literally their very first day of school, ever. For others, it's another grade up or their first day at a new school. For all, it's a new beginning!

Many of us Like and Love the posts, and perhaps for some friends and family, we mention how cute the children look, or mention how fast time flies by and how big they are getting. For some PANKs, it's a moment of relief to know they don't have to worry about children and school and all the responsibility that comes with it. And for some, it's a moment of pause to think about what it would be like to send their own child off to school.

What I have come to see over the last nine years since Savvy Auntie was launched, was that no matter one's own experience or feelings about the trail of "First Day of School" photos in our feeds, we celebrate the children and their milestones. And of course, for our own nieces, nephews and godchildren, their is endless pride. Our only bittersweet feelings often come from seeing them grow so quickly.

Here's to the children in our lives whom we love, here's to seeing the happy children's faces in our Facebook and Instagram feeds, here's to all the kids beginning another school year. And to the children - I hope everyone is nice to you, and you are nice to everyone. I hope your teachers and coaches inspire you and your potential - and your classmates do as well. I hope you learn and develop and seek to discover more. I hope the new school year brings you joy and friendships. And I hope it brings pride to your parents and family - and of course, to your aunts and godmothers.

Here's to the class of 2018!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

June 26, 2017

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Last July, Stacy Igel, founder and creative director of Boy Meets Girl, and I collaborated to bring you the COOLEST AUNT-T tee! It was such a hit, it sold out! We've been getting lots of requests for more  AUNT-Ts ever since!

Naturally, we "Upped the Auntie" for 2017 and created THREE new Boy Meets Girl x Savvy Auntie AUNT-Ts plus a new Totes the Coolest Aunt tote bag! And they are available right on time for a gift to yourself - or for you - this Auntie's Day, Sunday, July 23, 2017!









The Coolest Aunt-T Tees and Tote are some of the coolest gifts for yourself and all cool aunts, anytime. But hurry, because this is available only for a limited time through August 15th, 2017.

And since 7-in-10 Savvy Aunties say their nieces and nephews view them as a mentor, we're donating a percentage of all sales directly to Bully Bust. This is an organization that helps girls and boys become upstanders in their community and combat bullying. Pretty cool, right? We thought so.

Savvy Auntie readers, fans and followers - save 10% with promo code AUNTIE10 for a limited time, here at www.BoyMeetsGirlUSA.com

Once you have a Boy Meets Girl x Savvy Auntie Tee or Tote, be sure to tag @SavvyAuntie and @BoyMeetsGirlUSA on Twitter and Instagram!

Here's to all the COOLEST AUNTS!

XoXo
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

March 29, 2017

Dear Savvy Aunties,

On March 7, I had the great honor of giving a TEDx Talk entitled: "Welcome to the Otherhood" at TEDx Bergen Community College in New Jersey. I spoke for 15 minutes on life in the Otherhood, a talk based on my research on the experience of modern women marrying later and having children later, if at all.

The TEDx Talk includes some of the topics from my 2014 reported memoir, Otherhood: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness, along with data from the 2012 Power of the PANK North American joint-study I partnered on with Weber Shandwick and KRC Research, and Shades of Otherhood, the 2014 national study I worked on with DeVries Global PR inspired by my work.

Here's the TEDx Talk. I hope you enjoy it!



XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

March 1, 2017

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As I sit at my desk in New York City, on a very mild March 1, the sun peeping through my windows as the birds chirp over the new  city construction in the distance... I think about all of you and how far we've come since I had the idea for Savvy Auntie in June 2007. It's difficult to believe it's nearly a year.

I haven't written to you in a while - and it's not because I don't care. The opposite is true, in fact. I've been busy planting the seeds for some fAuntastic projects to come! Plus, I was attending Toy Fair International in New York to discover the Coolest Toys of 2107. I want every aunt and godmother to feel like she can be the hero at the holiday season - and all year round. Stay tuned! My lists are coming soon!

I'm also working on developing some new platforms for the Savvy Auntie brand. There's nothing yet to reveal - but each project is more exciting than the next!

As I head into my second decade on a mission to help make cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and all women who love kids-not-their own feel more savvy about the valuable roles they play in the family village, I am humbled by the reception of our tribe by those closest to us, and those who are just getting to know us - and all we offer the children, parents, and friends we love.

We are on our way, together, toward greater recognition, acknowledgement - and finding community - our Auntourage. And I am so grateful.

The future looks bright, indeed!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and author, Savvy Auntie

PS: Save the Date! The 9th Annual Auntie's Day is Sunday, July 23!

January 1, 2017

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It was 10 years ago, in the spring of 2007, that I had the idea to create a community and lifestyle brand for PANKs, or Professional Aunts No Kids, the term I coined for the growing trend of women who are not (yet) moms and love the children in their life. I wanted these women to have the resources and community moms and dads have to become savvier at their most beloved role. I called the brand: Savvy Auntie.

In June 2007, I make the decision to leverage my experience as a marketing and communications executive at global media, finance and consumer goods companies, my life savings that I had been holding onto for a dream I knew was to come one day, and of course, my own Savvy Auntuition of what women like me, childFULL women, wanted and needed, to create Savvy Auntie.

To wake up this morning in 2017 knowing I'd be writing this Editor's letter, I feel so grateful for that morning in 2007 when I woke up as an "Auntrepreneur." I am so proud of all the things we as a community - the Savvy "Auntourage" - have been able to accomplish. I'm humbled by the response of both aunts and those who love them.

With no marketing budget, you've helped spread the word about Savvy Auntie, the demographic term PANK, Auntie's Day, my first book, SAVVY AUNTIE, which became a Wall Street Journal bestseller, and my second book, OTHERHOOD, a memoir which I still get letters about from readers who have found it exactly the book they needed to read. Some have told me they have re-read it several times!

In 2017, I am looking to grow the brand and our spotlight. I can't reveal what that is as it's still in formation. I'll call on you, dear Savvy Aunties, for your support and your Auntspiration again. This is OUR year. I am so looking forward to achieving great things with you.

I am also grateful to our sponsors who value the important role of aunts in the family village - and to the Savvy Aunties for welcoming and supporting the sponsors who support what has become a movement.

Thank you for an incredible 2016 - and here's to what's to come in 2017!

Happy New Year!

XOXO,

Melanie Notkin
Founder

October 17, 2016

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Since my early 40s, I've have a mammogram every fall. There are a couple of reasons why I might make excuses to put it off.

First, I have no family history of breast cancer. Still, while the risk is higher for those women who do, 85 percent of women who get breast cancer don’t have a family history.

Secondly, newer reports state that not all women need mammograms until they are 50, not at the age of 40 as we’ve come to know. But, one-in-eight invasive breast cancer patients are younger than age 45.

To make it clear, the American Cancer Society guidelines for mammograms are:

- Women ages 40 to 44 should have the choice to start annual breast cancer screening with mammograms (x-rays of the breast) if they wish to do so.

- Women age 45 to 54 should get mammograms every year.

- Women 55 and older should switch to mammograms every 2 years, or can continue yearly screening.

And the most compelling reason from the American Cancer Society for all Savvy Aunties who do not (yet) have children:

"Women who have had no children or who had their first child after age 30 have a slightly higher breast cancer risk. Having many pregnancies and becoming pregnant at a young age reduce breast cancer risk. Pregnancy reduces a woman's total number of lifetime menstrual cycles, which may be the reason for this effect."

When I first read this, I looked at photos of my nieces and nephew on my iPhone. Then I watched video I took of them playing and telling me how much they love me... and I then used that phone to call and make an appointment for my first mammogram.

There’s no better way to show your nieces and nephews you love them than to love yourself.

If your doctor has recommended you get a mammogram, don’t put it off any longer. Your nieces and nephews are counting on you. And now I am, too. Join me.

By the way, I have too many friends who have had breast cancer. each one has survived, thank God. Mammograms. At least two of them detected a lump through a self-exam. Find more information, here.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

July 26, 2016

Dear Savvy Aunties,

What a thrill! Auntie's Day is growing and growing, thanks to all your support!

On Auntie's Day, this past Sunday, July 24, a piece I wrote for the New York Post entitled: The most undervalued women in America are childless aunts, was the Top Story for hours on Sunday, even above the lasted political and world news. I've been reach out to by several media outlets for more on Savvy Auntie, PANKs (Professional Aunts No Kids) and myself as founder.

More importantly, I have received such wonderful feedback and comments from you and new members of the Auntourage from near and far. It has been very touching to hear and read.

Here's the piece from the post.



If you like the COOLEST AUNT-T I'm wearing, learn more about how it came to be, here.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and author, SAVVY AUNTIE

July 11, 2016

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It's very exciting time for me and Savvy Auntie! Not only did we celebrate the 8th "Auntieversary" of the launch of SavvyAuntie.com on July 9, the 8th Annual Auntie's Day is coming up on Sunday, July 24, and Savvy Auntie and I were featured in The New York Times Sunday Business section this weekend on how marketers are focused on moms and missing childless women:

Childless Women to Marketers: We Buy Things Too

Here's a quick synopsis but please click through to read the full report for more.

Even as advertisers are embracing new configurations of families — two dads, say, or grandparents raising grandchildren — there’s one group that feels left out.

Women who are childless. Or as they also call themselves, the child-free. Or even the NotMoms.

According to census figures, more women in the United States are childless than at any other time since the government began keeping track in 1976. Nearly half of women — 47.6 percent — between the ages of 15 and 44 did not have children in 2014, up from 46.5 percent in 2012. And 15.3 percent of women ages 40 to 44 are childless. The numbers are growing internationally as well.

Despite these statistics, “the majority of marketing talks to adult women like they are all moms or want to be mothers,” said Adrianna Bevilaqua, chief creative officer at M Booth, a public relations company.

Melanie Notkin has made a career of catering to women who don’t have children but love them — she is the founder of the website SavvyAuntie; coined the term “professional aunt, no kids,” or PANKs; and is the author of “Otherhood: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness.” She wonders why companies, always eager to target a potentially lucrative demographic, seem to be ignoring this one.

The childless woman is “left off the table,” Ms. Notkin said. “Advertisers don’t know how to pitch to her.”



Photo: Karen Malone Wright (left), founder of the Not-Mom Summit, also featured in the NYT piece, with Melanie Notkin who keynoted the Not-Mom Summit - October 2015.

Read more at The New York Times.

June 20, 2016

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I wrote a personal essay for the New York Post recently about dating in my 40s. If you've read my essays in Huffington Post, Psychology Today, or if you've read my memoir, OTHERHOOD: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness, you know I've remained single - and childless. And yet, dating in my forties has proven to be better than ever. Here's my story...

I’m 47 and my love life is better than ever!

There he was, standing just a few feet in front of me. I took a breath and a step forward, and he, a step toward me. Then, a kiss on the cheek as we met for the first time.

Jon, a youthfully debonair businessman in his mid-50s, was in town for a convention I was attending, and we decided to meet there after connecting on Bumble, a dating app. We awkwardly small-talked our way to making a plan to meet again later that night...

June 15, 2016

Dear Savvy Aunties,

On Sunday, June 19, we'll celebrate Father's Day. For many families, it's a wonderful day for dads to spend with their kids...BBQs and baseball in the backyard.

Divorced and separated dads can usually claim this day to spend with their kids, even when it may be an "off" weekend. That's good news for Savvy Aunties of divorced brothers; we can help our brothers celebrate with a little extra help and support.

As I was working on the development of SavvyAuntie.com back in 2008, I'd meet and speak with many aunts, each one with a very special story. One told me about her toddler niece, revealing she didn't get to see her much since her brother and her niece's mom were going through a bitter divorce. Every minute her brother had with her niece, he wanted to spend it alone with her.

While the sister / aunt understood her brother's wish to spend valuable time bonding with his daughter, shecouldn't help but feel shut out and sad, missing the niece she had loved from the moment she met her. Of course, this aunt is not alone. There are many aunts to kids with divorced parents. Situations where the dad has shorter-term custody can impede on the aunt's time spent with the children.

So to all you Savvy Aunties out there who will be celebrating Father's Day with a divorced brother and his kids - your nieces and nephews  - we salute your devotion to, and love for, your family. And we understand it can't be easy not to see them as often as you'd like.

We wish your brother a Happy Father's Day and we hope you get to see your nieces and nephews on that special family day.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

PS: We hope your brother will have the kids celebrate with you on YOUR day, Savvy Auntie! The 8th Annual Auntie's Day is Sunday, July 24. Aunthood is a gift. This day is yours.

March 7, 2016

Dear Savvy Aunties,

In 2009, a year after the launch of SavvyAuntie.com, I announced the first-ever Auntie's Day - a day to acknowledge, honor and celebrate aunts and godmothers. Auntie's Day is observed annually on the fourth Sunday in July.

Today, I announce the 8th annual Auntie's Day will take place on Sunday, July 24, 2016. Aunthood Is a Gift. This Day Is Yours.

Here's the full press release



Happy Auntie's Day this July 24!

XOXO,

Melanie Notkin
Founder and author, Savvy Auntie

February 18, 2016

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I'm proud to share that I've launched the first-ever Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Awards program for Toy Fair New York. Since 2009, I've released my picks for the coolest toys of the year, but this list is a preview of 10 of the coolest toys I spotted at the international Toy Fair that took place in New York City earlier this week. These toys will debut in 2016!

Find the full press release and list of toys here.



XO Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

January 17, 2016

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Did you know that you can submit Activity ideas to SavvyAuntie.com? Have a fAunastic activity your nieces and nephews love now - or did when they were younger? Please consider sharing it with the Savvy Auntie audience by clicking the pink SUBMIT YOUR ACTIVITY button on this page:

SavvyAuntie.com/Activities

We'll review the submission as soon as possible and if we think it's extra-savvy, we'll even publish it on the SavvyAuntie.com homepage, post it on Facebook (95,000 fans!) and share it in our Weekly Newsletter!

So what are you waiting for? Click here to get started!

By the way, you'll need to be a member of SavvyAuntie.com to submit and Activity, but it's free and easy to join. The same pink Submit button will show you where to register for the site.

Thanks so much for being an active member of the Savvy Auntourage!

XO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author

December 23, 2015

Dear Savvy Aunties,

This week, many of you will celebrate Christmas. Some will celebrate it with nieces and nephews, and others will celebrate it with friends and other close family members. Some will celebrate it with their love, and some simply solo. For those who are around the children you love, you can be grateful for the love and joy the season brings. And even if you only see the children over Skype of Facetime, you can still find yourself smiling along with them and feeling the love.

Even those who do not celebrate Christmas can feel the spirit of the holiday season. We can reflect on the year that has passed, and think about our goals for the next. We can feel grateful for all that we have, and mourn who or what we may have lost. And we can appreciate all the love our nieces and nephews give us this season, and all year round.

My holiday season wish for you is to take a moment to appreciate all the joy you bring your nieces and nephews, godchildren - and all the children in your life. Whether or not you give them the perfect gift, or bake the best batch of cookies they've ever had, nothing matches the love you give them every single day of the year. Love is always the best gift of all.

Happy holidays, Auntie, to you, and to all the children you love. However you are spending the last few days of the year, may they be filled with love and joy.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie

November 11, 2015

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I've announced the 7th Annual SAVVY AUNTIE Coolest Toy Awards! 25 toys have made the list!

It takes me nearly a year to discover the toys I put on this list, from the International Toy Fair in New York in February, to TTPM toy industry events in the spring and fall, touring the toy brands' latest and greatest, and speaking with toy industry analysts who are reporting for what's moving and shaking in the stores and online. Then, I add my own "Savvy "Auntuition" as to which toys I think are the coolest - all so you can be the hero gift-givers this holiday season!

And there's another announcement! I've partnered with TTPM, the #1 source for all things play where consumers can research and find the best playthings. TTPM is the only site that combines expert reviews (video and written) with live price comparison, one-click purchasing, and product availability at major retailers. And now, when available, new additions to SavvyAuntie.com/Gifts link directly to the toys on TTPM.com!


Want to see the full list of 2015 SAVVY AUNTIE COOLEST TOY AWARD WINNERS? All 25 are right here: SavvyAuntie.com/ToyAwards

Happy Toy Shopping!

XOXO
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

I was only trying to make conversation, as one does at a party. But when I was introduced to a reality-show star, the conversation ended just as quickly as it began.

We started with the customary “Nice to meet you’s.” Since it was clear I knew who she was, she asked about me. I started off with what we have in common: “I’m an author, like you. ... And I have a media company called Savvy Auntie designed primarily for childless women like us who love the children in their lives.”

In a lounge full of housewives and ex-husbands, pretty single ladies and prettier gay men, photographers and reporters, you could hear a pin drop.

“Childfree,” the reality star responded with an admonishing tone. “We say ‘childfree,’” emphasizing the last syllable as if I had broken some social code.

"Childfree" is the hot term for non-parents these days, a word that intends to push back against the notion that all women are born to be mothers. For many, it's an empowering alternative to "childless."

But what about women, like me, who are childless by circumstance, not by choice? I’m single and, like millions of other women, I am waiting for love before motherhood. I’m not free of the children I have so deeply yearned for, as if it's good thing I'm not a mother. To me, the word is antithetical to my reality.

This wasn’t the first time I’ve been called “childfree.” An infertility advocate once labeled me “childfree” in a gracious post on my Web site, Savvy Auntie. She explained her rationale when I asked her to change it: Since you have chosen not to be a single mother, she said, you made the choice to be childless. “And that makes you ‘childfree,’” she explained.

With this logic, should I also refer to myself as “husband-free”? Of course not. Choosing to wait for a partner before motherhood does not make a woman childless by choice. I'm choosing love, not the childlessness that comes with not yet finding that love.

More women today are childless than ever before. In 1976, 35 percent of women of fertile age were childless; by 2014, that number was nearly 48 percent. Of this cohort, the majority are single. The CDC reports that 80 percent of single women are childless, and of those who are childless, 81 percent expect to become mothers. Only 14 percent of single women are childless, or “childfree,” by choice.

Despite this data, the term “childfree” has become the more acceptable term these days. When an author and blogger I know labeled herself “childfree” in a recent tweet, I asked her why. I knew she'd suffered through infertility, so it seemed odd that she would take on the moniker of those who are childless by choice. She replied that “childless” implies “less-than,” so she adopted the more liberated term so many others are using.

No doubt, the term “childless” has its critics because of the suffix, “less.” Americans' obsession with the notion that all women are meant to be mothers -- from the Hollywood baby bumps that grace magazine covers, to the conversations about “having it all” -- can make some believe that not being a mother is less-than. I know that I am not less of a human being because I am not mother. But calling myself “childfree” isn't correct, either.

For those who are unsatisfied with either term, what about “childfull”? For those who don’t have children, many of us fill our lives with our nieces, nephews, godchildren and other children we love. We find other ways to be maternal.

Originally published in The Washington Post

July 27 2015

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I hope you all enjoyed a fAuntastic Auntie's Day!

A post I published at Huffington Post, and again here on SavvyAuntie.com, is gaining a lot of traction. It's entitled: "47 Reasons Why It's Really, Really Good to Be an Aunt," and while I originally wrote it in celebration of Auntie's Day, all 47 points are true every day. Here is the piece in case you missed it.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

July 22, 2015

Dear Savvy Aunties,



It's nearly here! The 7th Annual Auntie's Day is Sunday, July 26! It's the day I founded in 2009 to honor and celebrate aunts and godmothers - and all women who love children-not-their-own.

We have lots of ideas for how to celebrate and why to celebrate here. We have also created Auntie's Day 2015 posters and eCards for you to post, share and send!  When posting to your social networks, please use #AuntiesDay to help spread the word!

And yes, it's official. Auntie's Day is listed in Chase's Calendar of Events - the national calendar of holidays and commemorations (sadly, now behind a firewall.)

Whether or not you celebrate with, or are celebrated by, your nieces and nephews on Sunday, July 26 (and every fourth Sunday in July!) I celebrate you and encourage you to celebrate all the ways you contribute to a child's life.

Aunthood is a gift. It's a gift to the children (both literally and figuratively!). It's a gift to the parents (who often need all the support they can get!) It's a gift to you - the aunt - for all the ways aunthood fills our lives with love, joy and meaning.

Aunthood is a gift. This day is yours.

Happy Auntie's Day!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, SAVVY AUNTIE

Photo of Melanie Notkin by Circe Hamilton

July 5, 2015

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As you hopefully know by now, Sunday, July 26, is the 7th Annual Auntie's Day® - the day I founded in 2009 to honor and celebrate cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers, and all women who love kids. Like a "Mother's Day" for aunts, Auntie's Day is a day set aside for nieces and nephews by relation and by choice, and godchildren, to acknowledge the Savvy Aunties in their life.

Auntie's Day is also an opportunity for you to acknowledge yourself - for all the love and unconditional support you offer the children in your life - and their parents too. For that reason, I invited you to submit a personal story of yours on aunthood in 500-800 words - as part of the SavvyAuntie.com My Story series.

You can write about your experience as an aunt or godmother, or share a story about an aunt you want to honor and celebrate around Auntie's Day. While we cannot guarantee all submissions will be published on SavvyAuntie.com and Facebook.com/savvyauntie, please feel assured it will be reviewed and considered for publication. We will notify you as such.

Please email your submission in WORD format, along with a short bio, and an image if you prefer, to Editor@SavvyAuntie.com. While "My Story" is an ongoing series on this Website, the sooner you submit your story, the sooner it will be published - and we hope in time for Auntie's Day!

We look forward to reading your "My Story" submission! Thank you, dear Savvy Auntourage!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Author & Founder, Savvy Auntie

Originally published on the Huffington Post.

"Auntie! We're family!"

With a big wide-eyed smile, my then-2-year-old nephew had exclaimed the three words that changed my life. He was expressing his new-found understanding that I'm someone special in his life, a trusted grownup who would do everything in her power to keep him safe and happy while in her care. And in his eyes, I saw a love I had never seen before. It was the love of a child for his auntie. It is the kind of love an aunt earns simply by loving the child first, and the child understands, forever.

A few days ago, a fellow Huffington Post blogger, Jacqueline Melissen, wrote a beautiful and extraordinarily popular post (at this writing, the post has 500,000 Likes) entitled: Why Child-Free Aunties Are Amazing -- from a mom's point of view. As the founder of Savvy Auntie, the lifestyle brand for cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and all women who love kids, which I launched in 2008, I felt compelled to write a grateful reply on behalf of all the "amazing aunties."

Thank you, Jacqueline, for appreciating the time, presents and of course, the love, that your children's Auntie Katy offers them -- and for acknowledging her, and all the amazing aunts like her, as perfectly competent grown women who are able to manage the children in their care. And thank you to all the other moms who have given their sisters, sisters-in-law, best friends,and other women who love their children unconditionally the gift of aunthood.

I very much wanted to be a mother. Despite my efforts to find love, marry and become a mother, I've remained single with no kids. And now, in my mid-forties, I've moved forward from the dream of motherhood. Still, because I wanted children, I'm not comfortable saying I'm "child-free." And while I'm fine with the term "childless," I know many aunts are not OK with a "lesser" term. And so I offer "childfull" as an alternative. We aunts with no kids of our own are childfull; our lives are filled with children we love. Thank you, Jacqueline, and the arms-wide-open moms like you who generously welcome the aunts into your family village with love and appreciation.

With regard to the time aunts spend with their nieces and nephews that you mention in your post, I've dubbed it "qualauntie time," because Auntie time is quality time. For example, it's advised that our littlest nieces and nephews have one hour of uninterrupted playtime each day, which is challenging for parents to offer. But when Auntie comes to visit, our attention and is focused on your kids. And studies show all the ways we childfull aunties interact with your children with play, reading, baking cookies, etc., support their cognitive, social, and emotional development. And thank you for letting us share our passions with them as they grow older, inspiring your budding artists, musicians, writers, athletes, scientists, etc. We have such great appreciation for being able to help your children develop their potential. For some of us, it's our greatest legacy.

You mention all the presents we give! Thank you for appreciating our gifts to your kids as we are not obligated to give presents to anyone's children. We give from the heart. We give because we want to. And we give generously. In a joint 2012 North American study by Savvy Auntie, Weber Shandwick and KRC Research called the "Power of the PANK" -- or Professional Aunts No Kids, the term I coined for the 23 million childfull women -- showed that 76 percent of PANKs spend over $500 per child in their life, per year. Collectively, baseline just one child per PANK, that's $9 billion spent on nieces and nephews annually. But lest anyone think this money is spent only on toys, games and the cutest outfits we can find, 34 percent of PANKs also contribute to a child's education. Without children of our own, we are grateful to have beneficiaries of our hard work, whether through contributions to their college savings plan or by our paying for the tutors or coaching they need and more.

And as far as the love we give to your kids goes, well, that comes naturally to us. Babies are born from the womb, but maternity comes from the soul. There are many way to be maternal. Thank you for giving us a deeply meaningful way to exercise our maternal muscle.

Aunthood is a gift. You so eloquently stated in our own way how it's a gift to you, and all parents. Aunthood is a gift to the children -- literally and figuratively speaking. And finally, aunthood is a gift for us. Being aunties to your children, our nieces and nephews, is the greatest gift of all.

Moms like you can acknowledge the aunties in your children's lives with love and appreciation on Auntie's Day, the day I founded in 2009 to celebrate aunts by relation (ABRs) and aunts by choice (ABCs) -- i.e. your best friends who choose to be aunts to your children. Occurring every fourth Sunday in July, this year, the 7th annual Auntie's Day is Sunday, July 26. I suspect your kids' Auntie Katy may get a thoughtful gift or a living-room dance-party dedicated to her on that day. I hope all the amazing aunties are celebrated on Auntie's Day.

Aunthood is a gift. This day is theirs.

By the way, about those three little words my nephew said to me years ago... They are what inspired me to create the Savvy Auntie brand. I may not have given him life, but his love gave me mine.

- Melanie Notkin

May 11, 2015

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It's been nearly eight years since I had the idea to develop Savvy Auntie in the June 2007. The work on this website began that summer - and launched in the summer of 2008. In 2009 it was nominated for a Webby Award (the Oscars of the Web) for Best Family/Parenting Site.

So much has happened, of course, since 2007. Facebook opened up to people outside of college. Twitter was still in its infancy, but I joined as @SavvyAuntie in August of that year. And Pinterest, Instagram, and other social networks were not yet on the scene. More recently, images and video have become more prominent...

Simply put, it's time for a redesign of SavvyAuntie.com

I am very proud of the thousands of articles we've published, thanks to our Experts and the Savvy Auntie staff writers. The redesign will make it easier to find and share the content you need - and didn't even know you needed.

We will expand our search for new Experts who can leverage the platform to share their specialty with the "Auntourage."  If this is something you are interested in, please email me with a pitch at Editor@SavvyAuntie.com. Please note, like Huffington Post, this is an unpaid model; experts are often looking for ways to expand their own audience by contributing content to other sites. I am a self-funded "Auntrepreneur," so a full-time reporting staff is not yet something I am able to support.

We'll get the refreshed version of your Forbes Best Websites for Women site up and running in the coming weeks. In the meantime, continue to enjoy all the fresh and evergreen content in your current home.

If you have thoughts about what you'd like to see more of - or less of - with the new site, please don't hesitate to email me at Editor@SavvyAuntie.com. I always appreciate your thoughtful feedback!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

April 19, 2015

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Many Savvy Aunties are not moms. Some plan to be. Some hope to be. Some had always wanted to be. Some have been moms for many years and are now enjoying being aunts to a new generation. And some enjoy a life without children of their own.

However you come to Savvy Aunthood, there is no doubt that the love you have for the children in your life is generous. After all, there is no legal obligation to be an aunt. Everthing you do for the children you love is a gift.

And yet, Mother's Day comes around and it can, often, make one feel out of conversation - as if being a mother is the defacto way of being a woman. For some, it can be a sad reminder of not having what they have always dreamed of - just yet. And for others, it can be a lot of noise around a holiday they don't connect with at all. And for many, like myself, it's a reminder of the loss of our own dear, beloved mothers.

Mother's Day can also be a day of celebration with family and friends where we leave one day to recognize the tremendous dedication our mothers, and the mothers of the children we love, have toward their children. It need not be a day that leaves the non-mom, and/or the motherless woman, out of the conversation. After all, we are so grateful for the gift of our nieces and nephews - and the gifts our own mother offered us. Let's join the conversation!

Mother's Day is a day to say thank you to all that a mothers we love for offering us the gift of aunthood. I am so grateful to my sister-in-law and my many friends who are so generous with their children's love. While I may never have my own children, sadly, I will always know that I love and inspire my nieces and nephews. I have made mistakes, I have missed occasions, and I have disappointed. But I have always had the best intentions. And I have always been given the room to improve and get it right the next time.

As Mother's Day approaches, I believe we can all think of ways to show our love and appreciation for the mothers of the children we love. I know, hearing from some of you, that sometimes the relationships and situations are not ideal. And I'm not encouraging anyone to experience pain that is unnecessary. But for all who have not celebrated Mother's Day because they are not mothers, do your best to show gratitude to the mothers who have given you the gift of aunthood. Words are often better than gifts. Time is often better than a text. And gratitude it always better than nothing.

Happy Mother's Day to all those who are mothers - and to all who the women are like mothers to the children they love. You are all appreciated.

And of course, don't forget, now you have a "day," too! The 7th Annual Official Auntie's Day is Sunday, July 26 (and every fourth Sunday in July!). I established the day in 2009 for all the aunts and godmothers who do so much for the children they love.



XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

March 1, 2015

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Despite the snow falling outside my window on this first day of March, I am thrilled the month has arrived. March is my favorite month, and not just because I'm a Pisces. March is a time of new beginnings and possibilities. We being to shed our winter layers, spring forward with the clock, and begin once again to stop and smell the flowers.

The month of March also reminds me to march to the beat of my own drum, living my life to its fullest inspired by my potential. What looks like success for someone else, isn't necessarily success for me. I'd love to have been married and become a mom, but that hasn't happened. Still, despite my deepest yearnings, I have find my own new kind of happiness. And, I'm not the wrong wife in the wrong life. I don't measure my happiness against what others believe it should be - and that includes the younger version of me.

Marching to the beat of my own drum also reminds me to make some noise... do things I've not yet tried - or dared! - to do. I will spring into action! March is the time to do something Auntrageous!

Another Reason to Celebrate March

Speaking of living life to its potential, I never imagined I'd write one book (my first, Savvy Auntie) and now my second book, Otherhood: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness, is out in paperback on March 3rd. If you're in the New York City-area, please join me on Wednesday, March 18 at 7PM at Book Culture on Columbus for a lively discussion on Otherhood. I'll be interviewed by Dr. Janet Taylor with whom I've appeared on the TODAY Show.

More info on the Otherhood book event here.



Happy March, Savvy Aunties! Make it a FAuntastic one!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin

January 28, 2015

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Mark your calendars! I have two pretty exciting dates to share with you.

First, the paperback edition of my second book, Otherhood: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness (Seal Press / Penguin Canada) will be released on March 4.

Secondly, the 7th Annual Auntie's Day is Sunday, July 26. As you may know, Auntie's Day is a day to celebrate and honor all women who love the children in their life.

There's lots more to come on both, but in the meantime, please check the latest news on SavvyAuntie.com.

Our "My Story" series continues with Tatiana Warkentin who argues it's ok for her niece to like anything she wants to like, princesses included!

We congratulate Kelly Osbourne on her soon-to-be Auntie by Choice status to Terri Seymour's baby in just a few weeks.

Whether you're for the Patriots or the Seahawks, prefer sweet or spicy snacks, we've got you covered.

The latest tips for the best smartphone pics are right here.

Can you let a baby have a little screen time after all? We've got the news.

A cold or snowy day might put a damper on a visit with nieces and nephews. These 16 activity ideas are fAuntastic for indoor fun!

We asked the Auntourage on Facebook to Auntie Up and let us know some of the questions nieces and nephews stumped them with recently. Awkward! It's not too late to add yours!

So remember: March 4th is Otherhood in paperback and July 26th is the 7th Annual Auntie's Day!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie / Otherhood

December 31, 2014

Dear Savvy Aunties,

One of the things I love the most about writing is how words can change my mood, simply by reading them, hearing them, or writing them. I plan to use these five words more often when I'm around my nephews and nieces this year.

Magical
Doesn't the word "magical" conjure up the feeling of something becoming magical the very moment you read it or hear it? I want to offer more magical things and experiences to my nephews and nieces

Wanderlust
This word makes me want to take my nephews and nieces on journey of the imagination, if not in reality.

Manifest
Whatever we think, good or bad, we may manifest into our lives. I plan to use the power of manifestation for good, thinking all and only good thoughts for the children I love.



Bon VivAunt
It may not be fair to choose a word I created as a word I love, but I don't live this part of aunthood nearly enough. Here is to enjoying the Savvy Auntie life in 2015!

Happiness
Every day, we make can make the choice to be happy. It may not be the happiness we had hoped would come on that day, or the happiness we expected to be living, but it's our happiness and I don't want to spend a day thinking any day is less than happy. And if one were to ask me why I'm happy today? I'd say: "Because, my dear, it's today!"

Here's to your happiness, your Bon VivAunt life, your positive manifestations, your wanderlust, and to a magical year.

I look forward to spending here at SavvyAuntie.com, with you.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

December 15, 2014

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Happy Holidays! As the year comes to an end in celebration of Christmas and Hanukkah, I want to wish each and every one of you a season of joy, good health, and wonderful memories.



Celebrating the holiday season with our nieces, nephews and godchildren can be a fAuntastic experience. We watch their faces light up as  they open their gifts, enjoy holiday treats, or simply when see us walk through the door for a holiday visit. We may think about how quickly time is passing, how fast they are growing and changing, and how good it feels to take time to enjoy the moment, spending the holidays with the children we love.

Some of us celebrate from a distance, finding ways to share our love over the miles. And some of us spend the holidays with other family or friends, with our nieces and nephews in our hearts and minds.

However you connect with the children you love this season, I hope it's better than you imagined. In fact, knowing how much you all love your nieces, nephews and godkids, I am sure it will be.

Happy Holidays, Savvy Aunties!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

November 25, 2014

Dear Savvy Aunties,

This is our seventh Thanksgiving together! And I am so grateful for each and every year and each and every moment we have shared together, from those of you who have been here since day one, to those just finding Savvy Auntie today.

I'm also grateful to be an aunt. I don't speak publicly about my nephew and nieces because, as a mildly public figure, keeping their privacy is important. But I can say that since the day I became an aunt (my Auntieversary!) I have relished in the delight and magic of the bond I have with the children in my life.



A few years later, I had the idea for Savvy Auntie as I struggled to get the information and find the resources I needed and wanted to be the Savviest Auntie I could be. What I've discovered since I launched SavvyAuntie.com in the summer of 2008, and then the book, SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids, in 2011, I have learned more from you that you can even imagine.

Our Auntourage on Facebook is always lively and engaging. And I love your Tweets sharing your latest aunt or godmother milestone. And the images you tag #SavvyAuntie on Instagram are always heartwarming.

Thank you, Savvy Aunties, for filling my life with so much love for aunthood, and for letting me connect the community together.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

November 5, 2014

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I'm so happy to present our very first "My Story" personal essay in a series I hope will flourish. We want to give our Savvy Aunties more of a voice on SavvyAuntie.com and all our platforms. And it begins this month with Lori Cowen and her essay entitled: Picture Perfect Nieces.

To have your personal essay considered for SavvyAuntie, please send a pitch idea to Editor @SavvyAuntie on what you would like to write about. It should be a story that will inspire other Savvy Aunties, so make sure to keep it aunt or godmother related. Once the topic is approved , the final essay should be about 500 - 1,000 words.

We look forward to sharing your experiences with all our Savvy Aunties, and beyond!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

October 15 2014

Dear Savvy Aunties,

On Sunday, October 12, on Oprah Winfrey's OWN Super Soul Sunday, the legendary host interviewed Elizabeth Gilbert, bestselling author of Eat, Pray, Love, Committed, and most recently, The Signature of All Things. It was in this Part 2 of a two-part conversation with Liz Gilbert, that aunthood was featured brightly. (watch the full episode here.)

September 22, 2014

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It's official: fall is here. Before we know it, our young nieces and nephews will be telling us all about their Halloween costumes over the phone while older nieces and nephews text us from their college football game. Then, we will be making Thanksgiving Day plans while putting together our holiday gift shopping lists.

With just about three months left of the year, it's time to remind ourselves of all the promises we made to be savvier aunts and godmothers in 2014. Some of us planned to visit or call our nieces and nephews more often. Some vowed to do more to help out more, or become better at setting boundaries with family members ad friends whose expectations may be too high.

We planned to read more to or with our nieces and nephews. We planned to attend more of their soccer games or skating competitions. We planned to help them with their passions, whether it's sitting down to draw with the little ones or getting up to dance with the big ones.

And some of us planned to become healthier so we can keep up with the kids. We made plans to lose weight, work out more, end bad habits, and/or find something that brings more calm into our lives.

Personally, I have a list of goals I plan to meet by the end of the year. I hope you join me by moving forward with yours.

Happy fall, Savvy Aunties! And happy rest of the 2014!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie and Otherhood

August 3, 2014,

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As you may know, my second book, Otherhood: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness (Seal Press/Penguin Canada) was released on March 4. The response to the book has been incredible, includeing a *Starred Review* by Booklist, the book review publication of the American Library Association.

And now I'm thrilled to announce that I've partnered with the Westin New York Grand Central Hotel on an exclusive hotel package for women of the Otherhood entitled: Womanhood Redefined.

From the Westin New York Grand Central Website:

The three-night Womanhood Redefined Package includes a copy of Melanie’s memoir, Otherhood, and signature Westin amenities designed to promote well-being. With this exclusive New York City hotel package, you can also enjoy a personal consultation with our Executive Chef Brian Wieler, who can share insights about everything from incorporating healthy superfoods into your daily routine to growing your very own home garden.

The historic hotel package appeared on the front page of The New York Times Sunday Travel Section on Aug. 2, 2014: Zeroing In on the Female Traveler:

"Seemingly the first promotion from a major American hotel brand directed at women without children, it includes (from $234 a night) a consultation about healthful eating with the hotel’s executive chef, a 30-minute meeting with the hotel’s running expert (and workout clothes and shoes that they may borrow free of charge), a $25 food and drink credit, a 10 percent discount on classes at a nearby yoga studio, a Westin White Tea candle and a new book, “Otherhood: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness,” by Melanie Notkin. Ms. Notkin has received a good deal of media attention in recent years thanks to her focus on women without children and her involvement with marketing reports about their potential spending power....

 ...On the eve of Mother’s Day, Ms. Notkin wrote in The Huffington Post that the reference to “other” in her book is not meant to be alienating: “While the title of my book, ‘Otherhood,’ implies childless women are other to mother, the reader learns the truth: If we measure our lives against what the Others believe to be our life’s true meaning ... we will never find happiness because we will not be living our true, authentic lives.” At the end of “Otherhood,” she concludes: “Once we no longer define ourselves as the Other, as outside of the social norm, we are no longer concerned with how others define us.”

You are invited to join the conversation about this Westin New York Grand Central package deal, which includes a copy of my memoir, on Twitter with #RedefiningMoments.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author
Savvy Auntie and Otherhood

June 23, 2014

Dear Savvy Aunties,

In the summer of 2009, I established the first Auntie's Day (then called Savvy Auntie's Day)  as a day to honor and celebrate the aunts and godmothers in a child's life. Auntie's Day takes place annually on the fourth Sunday in July. The sixth annual official Auntie's Day is Sunday, July 27.

More information on Auntie's Day is here.

Get digital posters and e-cards

Get ideas for things to do and ways to celebrate here: http://bit.ly/auntiesday

The hashtag ahead of the day is #AuntiesDayJuly27 to help spread the word about the date. On the day, the hashtag is #AuntiesDay.

More to come!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin

April 30, 2014

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As you may know, my second book, OTHERHOOD, Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness, was published last month. The non-fiction book, part memoir, part reportage, tells the story of Generation X, the daughters of feminism who had expected the social, economic and political equality our mothers were not born with, along with the husband and children they did have. But many of us, among the most well educated, most financial independent, who had expected love, marriage and children, remain single and/or childless as our fertile years wane. I am extraordinarily proud at how well the book has been received by readers and critics. The book received a coveted Starred Review by Booklist.

And this week, DeVries Global Public Relations, released a national study on the Shades of Otherhood, giving this demographic a voice in media and the economy by showing how we are a powerful and influential - and unacknowledged force. I worked closed with DeVries on this project, sharing my qualitative insight into this demographic to best understand and interpret the data and the demographic as a whole.



You can download the Shade of Otherhood White Paper.  And you can learn more about my book, Otherhood, here.

February 28, 2014

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I am so proud to announce that my second book, OTHERHOOD: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness (Seal Press / Penguin Canada) is officially released on Tuesday, March 4!

Otherhood is the story of so many women of my generation, the daughters of the modern feminist movement, who expected to have the social, economic and political equality our mothers didn’t have, and surely the husband and children they did. But many of us remain single and/or childless as our fertile years wane. We find ourselves in a time and place that is very different from what we anticipated, and certainly much different from what we have always desired.



It’s rare that I meet a single and/or childless woman in her thirties or forties who is not yearning for love, marriage and/or children. But it’s assumed by many that these women must simply have other priorities, focusing on their career over family, or being naïve about their fertility, as examples. But these women are deeply misunderstood; no matter how much of a priority love, marriage and motherhood is for this group, the resolution of their most cherished longings elude them.

And yet, while this group is doing its best to live full and meaningful lives despite their frustrations, we are often made to feel second class, outside of motherhood. We, the Otherhood, who have yet to find our rightful, equitable, requisite place in society, deserve one. Otherhood denotes our tribe - our fabulous, extraordinary, never-settling on love, tribe. And this book is our story.

I decided to write about my personal experience, which I began to share on The Huffington Post, PsychologyToday.com and other platforms in 2011, because women would write to me to tell me that what I had written had resonated with them in a way nothing had before. This book enables me to share a deeper look at my experience and those of other women. I hope that readers will see themselves in some of the familiar experiences, feelings, and characters they come across, and feel less alone.

I hope the stories in Otherhood inspire readers to be able to better articulate and share their experiences with those who may not understand them, and among those who very much do. And I want those who care about the women who live in the Otherhood to read this book and better appreciate them and their individual and collective experiences.

And I want readers who see themselves in the Otherhood and may feel frustrated or stuck in the life they never expected, to keep moving forward.  I hope Otherhood empowers readers to make a choice of what to do next, whatever that choice is, however big or small that next step is. I hope that Otherhood is the beginning a new chapter for the reader, and for this generation.

Order your copy of OTHERHOOD at Amazon.com or BarnesandNoble.com - or where books you want to read are sold.

From the publisher:

The rising percentage of childless women is one of the most overlooked and under-appreciated social issues of our time. Never before have more women lived longer before having their first child or remained childless toward the end of their fertility. Nearly half of North American women of childbearing age are childless—a dramatic rise from 35 percent in 1976—yet childless women are still perceived as the exception, not the norm.

In Otherhood, Melanie Notkin explores this modern phenomenon to understand the reasons for this shift, the social and emotional impact of childlessness, and how the “new normal” will impact social structures in the decades to come. By turns anecdotal storytelling, inspiration, reportage, and manifesto, Otherhood gets at the heart of our social consciousness around childlessness to trigger thought-provoking conversation. Notkin's intimate take on the trend affecting so many modern women is a groundbreaking exploration of this essential social issue.

I can't wait to hear what YOU think of Otherhood.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin

February 12, 2014

Dear Savvy Aunties,

For a Valentine's Day week series, I was asked to submit a post to Huffington Post Women on what I know about being single now that I'm in my 40s. It was published today.  Whether you are single and in your forties and can relate, or whether you're in your twenties or thirties and are interested in a perspective from an older 'sister,' I hope you enjoy this piece.

By the way, my second book, OTHERHOOD: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness (Seal Press / Penguin Canada) was released for shipping in the US on Amazon and BN.com, so you can get it before the official publication date of March 4! Click here for more...


What I Know About Being Single Now That I'm In My 40s

I'm smiling as I write this, which is a good sign. I certainly had never expected to be single in my 40s. Still, I find myself remarkably happy most of the time. There are moments, of course, of frustration and grief over not having love, marriage and children. But I have come to realize that I'm happy despite the fact that my life did not turn out as expected. Here are some of the reasons why...

February 5, 2014

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Twenty-five years ago this month, I lost my 52 year old mother to heart disease. I support the American Heart Association Go Red campaign in her memory, and in the hope that you, and all the women you love, are taking care of your hearts. Our nieces and nephews are counting on us to do everything we can to make sure we are taking care of ourselves. My mother took great care of herself, but knowing all the information can help us all be more vigilant to the warning signs.



Here's what you need to know:

Go Red Fact 1: Heart disease is the No. 1 killer of women.
•    Cardiovascular diseases cause one in three women’s deaths each year, killing approximately one woman every minute.
•    An estimated 43 million women in the U.S. are affected by cardiovascular disease.
•    90% of women have one or more risk factors for developing heart disease.

Go Red Fact 2: Heart disease kills more women than all forms of cancer combined, but is often undiagnosed.
•    1 in 30 women die from breast cancer each year. 1 in 3 dies of cardiovascular disease.
•    Only 1 in 5 American women believe that heart disease is their greatest health threat.
•    Women comprise only 24% of participants in all heart-related studies.
•    Women are less likely to call 9-1-1 for themselves when experiencing symptoms of a heart attack than they are for someone else having a heart attack.

Go Red Fact 3: Cardiovascular disease kills more women than men.
•    Since 1984, more women than men have died each year from heart disease & stroke and the gap between men and women’s survival continues to widen.
•    The symptoms of heart disease can be different in women vs. men, and are often misunderstood – even by some physicians.

Go Red Fact 4: Heart disease affects women of all ethnicities.
•    Cardiovascular disease is the leading cause of death for African-American and Hispanic women, killing nearly 50,000 and 19,000 each year respectively.
•    Only 43% of African American women and 44%of Hispanic women know that heart disease is their greatest health risk, compared with 60% of Caucasian women.
•    Of African-American women ages 20 and older, 48.9% have cardiovascular disease. Yet, only 20% believe they are at risk.
•    Only 50% of African-American women are aware of the signs and symptoms of a heart attack.
•    Hispanic women are likely to develop heart disease 10 years earlier than Caucasian women.
•    Only 3 in 10 Hispanic women say they have been informed that they are at a higher risk.
•    Only 1 in 4 Hispanic women is aware of treatment options.

Go Red Fact 5: Women who are involved with the Go Red movement live healthier lives.
•    Women who Go Red are more likely to make healthy choices:
o    Nearly 90%have made at least one healthy behavior change.
o    More than one-third has lost weight.
o    More than 50% have increased their exercise.
o    6 out of 10 have changed their diets.
o    More than 40% have checked their cholesterol levels.
o    One third has talked with their doctors about developing heart health plans.

Go Red Fact 6:  When you join Go Red and share your story today, more lives will be saved tomorrow. 
•    More than 627,000 women have been saved from cardiovascular disease. 
•    330 fewer women are dying per day.

Participate in the 11th Annual National Wear Red Day (Friday, February 7, 2014) and show your support by:

- Wear red to build awareness and inspire action.
- Tweet this: I #GoRed for (insert a woman in your life). Why do you #GoRed?
- Post this on Facebook:    Today is the 11^th National Wear Red Day. Support @GoRedForWomen by learning the signs and symptoms of a heart attack. Watch & share this life-saving video with the women you love: http://tinyurl.com/ctgve6n

And most of all, take care of your heart.

December 9, 2013

Are you a PANK: Professional Aunt No Kids?

From New York Magazine's The Cut to ABC News in DC to The UK's Sunday Times, the demographic term I coined for the 23 million American women 18+ who are childless (for whatever reason) and have a special bond with a child in their lives, is a trend that's trending!  The Power of the PANK is going international, with mentioned in newspapers, magazines, websites and on TV throughout the world.

As you generously contribute to a child's happiness this holiday season, know that you're appreciated as an influential group of women who love the children in their life. It's about time!

Happy Holidays!
Melanie Notkin, Founder

November 25, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,



It is hard for me to believe all the wonderful and often unexpected things that have come out of an idea I had in the summer of 2007 to create a multiplatform media company to support and answer the needs of a very important and oft unacknowledged group of women: Aunts.

As many of you know, I am a self-funded 'auntrepreneur' who has invested everything she has to serve this demographic. And you, my dear Auntourage, have been cheering me on directly and indirectly throughout.

I cannot thank you enough for your continued appreciation for the Savvy Auntie brand. From those of you here, on SavvyAuntie.com, to the nearly 94,000 on Facebook, to the 21,500 on Twitter, etc, I am thrilled and appreciative of you.

It's not just me you are supporting, of course. Savvy Auntie is a community of women who share common experiences, joys, disappointments, and growth. I want to thank you for being supportive of each other.

I want to thank Audrey Vavia, the Managing Editor, for her extraordinary devotion to you and to SavvyAuntie.com. Just about every day, I thank the universe for bringing her into my life and the life of Savvy Auntie.

And to David Finkelstein of Quarksoft who often finds himself supporting this Website at the oddest hours when the site is not performing well or to answer a frantic call and respond ASAP. If you need a developer, Dave is your guy.

And to the Savvy Experts who contribute to SavvyAuntie.com, thank you for sharing your savvy wisdom and advice with this group of women. You are the ones who share invaluable insight with a group of generous and loving women who turn to us to help them become the Savviest Aunties they can be.

Thank you again. May you, your nieces, nephews and godchildren - and all the children in your life - have a very happy and healthy holiday season.

XOXO
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author: Savvy Auntie

November 20, 2013

Originally published in The Huffington Post on November 18, 2013

Single and 40: What I Know About Love
Melanie Notkin

My date isn't listening to a word I'm saying. It's not that he's not paying attention; he's looking straight into my eyes. But he can't hear me. He's thinking about how he's attracted to me and enjoying our conversation, surprising himself. He hadn't expected to be this smitten; I can see that in his eyes looking into mine. And I'm wondering if I might be a little smitten, too.

He snaps out of it when the bartender serves us our second round of drinks, my now-monologue interrupted as my date and I toast our meeting for the first time. "I've made a decision," my date says, focused again on what he sees behind my eyes. "I want to go out with you again. This week."

There are good dates, bad dates and forgettable dates. And there are dates that feel ethereal. They are rare, rarer than a much desired sun shower on desert-hot day. And sometimes, they last just that long, just long enough for us to remember a connection with someone can exist. For some, these first connections can last the rest of their lives. For me, I have learned to appreciate the potential all of these rare connections offer.

What I've learned about love in my 40s is that love isn't meant only for those in their 20s. Or 30s. It isn't that if one hasn't found love by the time it seems reasonable to most, that they are not capable of love, or that love is not capable of finding them. It's that love comes when it's meant to come.

At 44, I see love breaking up into pieces for some who married young and I see grandparents falling in love for a new "first time," stronger now than ever before. I've learned that love is not a gift for those who are deserving, but a reward for those who wait for it.

I've learned that love can last a short time, all in, but not all able. I've seen love last for decades, all in, all able, and all-knowing love changes.

I've learned to love the measures of love I have had. And indeed, I have had several beginnings of love. Some broke quickly, without warning and without notice. Some tore down as the edges frayed. Some were never balanced, on either side. Some will always be in my heart, if not in my sight.

I've learned that love can feel different depending on the man and collective circumstance. Sometimes love is easy, with not a beat missed. Sometimes, love is a struggle, beating down on one, not the other. Sometimes love is like a bad massage; it feels good but you need something stronger, deeper. Sometimes love is a torrent; it comes on strong, but often it ends in a trickle, without ceremony.

I've learned that men want love too, but are sometimes unable to be vulnerable to it. I've learned that women want love too, but are made to feel vulnerable by it. Men in their 40s are better able to show vulnerability. And women in their 40s are better able to let go of the walls they had learned to build up, buoyed now by a man's open vulnerability, and fall in love because of that.

I have not had what some say is successful love, meaning love that lasts long and strong enough to be announced under a wedding Chuppah or signed into a legal agreement of any sort, not even a co-lease. But I've had love. And I will have love again. And I hope I have the kind of love that isn't compromised, not to say we both won't make compromises to keep it and to guard it. We've both learned how hard it is to find love.

I've learned that love is no game of musical chairs meant only for lucky ones who find a seat when the music stops. And I know that love lasts as long as you are both willing to remember the music that played when you first met.

At 44 I am more unwilling to give up on love than I have ever been, because I know that look of his. I know that feeling. And I know that a man is meant to be in my life, no matter if others have given up on my behalf.

I'm thinking this when my date takes my hand as we walk uptown. He stops in mid-sentence, interrupting himself, and turns toward me. There's that look again, I see. "Something is happening here," he says, confidently. I agree.

I don't know that love will truly find us, him and me. But I know what beginnings feel like. And at the very least, I have that. And if not this man, then another love is coming. Another new beginning will begin another time.

I know in my 40s that love exists. And whether it exists as potential in a new beginning or forever in one that began long ago, I know what it looks like. I know what it feels like. I know more than ever that love is meant for me.

If you look at me closely, straight into my eyes, you'll see that truth behind them.

Postscript: There were a few lovely dates... but unfortunately, no love story in the end.

November 4, 2013

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As many of you may know, about a year ago I co-released a joint study on the Power of the PANK with Weber Shandwick and KRC Research. The study looked at the growing demographic of PANKs - or Professional Aunts No Kids - the niche for which I primarily designed Savvy Auntie - along with all loving aunts and godmothers.

One of the areas that we looked at during the research was travel. What we learned is that travel is a great way to foster relationships between aunts and their nieces and nephews. And we learned that 48% of PANKs enjoy traveling with nieces and nephews.

Today, Euromonitor International, which looks at global travel trends, released a major report featuring the PANK demographic and stated that the the number of PANKs who enjoy traveling with the children in their lives "is likely to grow as the travel industry begins to target this segment more."

Earlier this year, you may remember that Intrepid Travel become a Savvy Auntie sponsor, with an extended range of their famed Family Adventure tours. We are hoping more wonderful travel industry companies discover how generous Savvy Aunties are (on average, PANKs spend $387 per child in their life, per year - and 76% spend over $500 on each child annually) and continue to develop and share travel programs designed just for you.

Here's to you, Savvy Aunties! Travel safe!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, SAVVY AUNTIE

PS: For more on the PANK demographic, and to see the full study, visit PANKpower.com!

September 30, 2013

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Here in New York City we are enjoying a mild early fall, knowing that in just one month's time, Halloween will come around, and then Thanksgiving (and an early Chanukah this year)...

Fall is consumed with pumpkins, turkeys and football games with a focus often on the children. For those of us with nieces and nephews nearby, it can mean apple picking, pumpkin patch adventures, Thanksgiving and other holiday preparations, or joining them for a college or NFL football game, or being in the stands for their own games. For LDAs - Long-Distance Aunties, it can mean travel and conversations over Skype and Facetime.

But it can also mean for those who do not have children, by choice, biology or circumstance, a time of feeling left out what many suppose are the true joys of the fall season. And yet, there is so much joy in the season for all single, committed and married Savvy Aunties. Take the opportunity to try something new or something you have always wanted to do, but haven't yet. Get friends together for a road trip to see the leaves change, get tickets to that musical you have been wanting to see, learn how to make new cocktails to serve your friends at a home-based holiday party.

Whatever you decide to do, if you aren't already in love with the season, try to fall in love with fall.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

September 9, 2013

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I received friendship bracelets from my nieces recently. Some were made with Rainbow Loom and some were made with duct tape. All were made with love.

I wore my bracelets proudly the other day, showing them off like they are portable artwork, which they are. And every time I looked at them, or fidgeted with them around my wrist, I felt a sense of warmth and connection with the girls.

I wonder if our nieces and nephews know how much it means to us when  create something for us as a gift? Perhaps they will only know when they are aunts, uncles and/or parents themselves. Perhaps they know because we wear their handmade jewelry, post their artwork on our fridge, or hang their pot holders near the stove.

They say that aunts spoil our nieces and nephews. But truth be told, its their gifts to us that spoil us more. Don't you think?

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

August 26, 2013

Dear Savvy Aunties,

For the third year in a row, SavvyAuntie.com was listed among Forbes Best 100 Websites for Women. I am so proud that SavvyAuntie.com has made the list, in part because so many of you nominated the Website in this year's ranking once again.

SavvyAuntie.com launched just over 5 years ago, in the summer of 2008. I founded the site because there were little or no resources for aunts and godmothers available. We needed a community designed just for us. And thanks to the extraordinary experts and guest contributors, not to mention our very savvy managing editor, Audrey Vavia, the site ranks among the very best destinations for women - and the only destination for aunts.

Thanks to you, dear readers, for all your support and love. Aunthood is a gift. This site is yours.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

Sixth Annual Auntie’s Day® is Sunday, July 27, 2014
National Day Honoring Aunts and Godmothers founded by
Melanie Notkin, Creator of Popular Savvy Auntie® Lifestyle Brand

- Aunthood is a Gift. This Day is Yours. –

NEW YORK—July 29, 2013—Melanie Notkin, founder of Savvy Auntie, the multi-platform lifestyle brand designed for cool aunt, great-aunts, godmothers and all women who love kids and and national bestselling author of SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow 2011) announces the date for the sixth annual national day dedicated to honoring and celebrating aunts and godmothers. Auntie’s Day will take place on Sunday, July 27, 2014. Like all official national days of recognition, Auntie’s Day is listed in Chase’s Calendar of Events.

Sponsored by Savvy Auntie, Auntie’s Day, is a time to thank, honor and celebrate the aunt in a child’s life, whether she is an Auntie by Relation (ABR), Auntie by Choice (ABC), or godmother, for everything she does for a child not-her-own. While all aunts are celebrated on this day, the day is especially poignant to one in five American women who identify as PANKs®, or Professional Aunts No Kids. PANKs self-identify as childless or childfree and have a bond with at least one child by relation or by friendship. A study called The Power of the PANK released in November 2012 by Savvy Auntie and Weber Shandwick, a global PR firm, with KRC Research, revealed that childless aunts are a sizeable segment of younger women with disposable income, dynamic influence, and a digitally-connected lifestyle who are extraordinarily generous with the children in their lives, those children’s parents, and our communities at large. 23 million American women are PANKs and are found to collectively spend $9 billion on gifts for children not-their-own each year.

On Auntie’s Day – a ‘Mother’s Day’ for aunts - aunts and godmothers will be celebrated with special activities and gifts. The official Auntie’s Day web destination (www.AuntiesDay.com) will feature ideas on how parents and nieces and nephews can celebrate the Savvy Auntie in their lives and how aunts can pamper and treat themselves on their special day.

“It’s time that all women in the American Family Village are honored for their selfless giving to the children in their lives,” says Melanie Notkin. “An aunt is there to provide ‘QualAuntie Time’ and experiences as a loving caregiver and “ConfidAunt” to her nieces and nephews from the day they are born and as they grow up. Many women without children of their own also give tirelessly to children all over the world. These BenevolAunts are due their day to be honored.”

###

About Savvy Auntie

Founded by Melanie Notkin, Savvy Auntie is the multi-platform lifestyle brand that empowers and engages aunts, serving the PANK demographic discovered and coined by Notkin, and heralded by fabulous kid-loving women everywhere as a modern celebration of Aunthood. Notkin launched SavvyAuntie.com in 2008 and it remains the first and only resource and online community for this demographic. The brand also includes a popular and engaged social media following, Auntie’s Day – a national day founded by Notkin to honor aunts and godmothers, the Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Awards and Melanie Notkin’s national bestseller: Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and all Women Who Love Kids (Morrow 2011). As a lifestyle expert, toy expert and a taste-maker for children’s trends, Notkin appears on TV and as a spokesperson for brands. For more information, visit: SavvyAuntie.com and PANKPower.com.

Dear Savvy Aunties,

When I launched Savvy Auntie five years ago, my first mission was to change the way we look at aunts in America today. Often imagined as a relic of a generations past, the term 'aunt' conjured up an image more "Auntique" than that of a modern, cosmopolitan woman. That's not to say I didn't appreciate and honor our Great-Great-Aunts, but where were today's cool, contemporary aunt figures? As I explored this modern segment of American women who are not (yet) moms (The U.S. Census puts us at 47 percent of women through age 44), I realized there are all types of aunts:

Aunties by Relation; Aunties by Choice; Great-Aunties; Godmothers; Cousin Aunties; Long-Distance Aunties; StepAunties; Single Aunties; Married Aunties; ParAunts (aunts who become the parent when one or both parents is no longer able); Straight Aunts, LesbiAunts; Teen Aunties; Child Aunties; Special-Needs Aunties; Teacher or Coach Aunties; Nanny Aunties; Fairy GodAunties and Aunties to the World -- the BenevolAunts who give so much to children they've never met. And there are also the Bon VivAunts, the GourmAunts, the BohemiAunts, the ConfidAunts, the Aunt-Rageous Rocker Aunties, the Crafty Aunties and the eco-loving Auntie Earth, among others. What a diverse group of positive influences for America's children!

Unfortunately, our contributions to the American Family Village often go unnoticed and under-appreciated. My second mission was to change that.

QualAuntie Time

Unlike parenting, there is no legal obligation to 'aunt.' The time we spend with our nieces and nephews is most often always quality time, unencumbered by parental duties like making sure the kids have brushed their teeth, made their beds and done their homework (not to say aunts don't help with that when they can). I've dubbed this time "QualAuntie Time."

When I asked Dr. Rosemarie Truglio, VP of Education and Research at Sesame Workshop, how an Auntie can help develop the minds of our young nieces and nephews, she simply replied: "You're already doing it." By playing with our nieces and nephews, reading to them, even just chatting with them before they can even talk, we are helping them learn, she said. Just by being Auntie, we're helping!

Baking cookies with a niece? That's math and science. Constructing railroad tracks with a nephew? That's helping develop his motor dexterity and his understanding of spatial relations. To that end, Zero to Three, a nonprofit organization that fosters early childhood education, recommends an hour of unstructured play for a young child each day (e.g. tea parties, role-playing, puppet shows). All that pretending actually helps lay the groundwork for developing literacy down the line. And when mom has a newborn to care for, QualAuntie Time with the older sibling(s) is very important, since mom may not have an hour to devote to uninterrupted play with her other kids.

If mom or dad are unable to take all the kids outside (either because it's too hot or cold for baby, someone's sick or they are too busy helping with homework or chores), Auntie can take the others out to play. Kids need more time outside because it helps reduce stress (yes, even little kids have stress) and being in nature -- even the backyard -- helps keep their minds focused (studies show kids with ADHD are more likely to do better in green settings than industrial ones.)

For kids over the age of 2, QualAuntie Time spent co-viewing children's television or a video and sharing lessons learned during and after the show is more productive than mom leaving the child in front of the TV to go about her necessary household duties, and aunties who read a favorite book to their niece or nephew (over and over again) are helping the child learn new words. Pointing out the pictures on the pages helps develop a baby's understanding of shapes, colors, counting and emotions.

Aunthood is a Gift

Aunts by relation or choice give of their discretionary income and time to children-not-their-own in their immediate lives, in their communities and around the world every single day. Every boo boo they kiss, every little hand they hold, every hug they give is a gift. And as far as the other kinds of gifts -- the kind tied up with a bow -- are concerned, an Auntie will often stretch her budget to put a smile on the face of a niece or nephew on birthdays or the holidays. She's also more likely to jump on a plane for Thanksgiving than expect a family of four to travel to her.

Aunts not only give directly; when a co-worker mom leaves work early to tend to a sick child, or when that big assignment is due and working late or over the weekend is necessary, a childless woman is (often expected to be) the one to pick up the extra work so moms can have family time. While this type of help is indirect, aunts deserve to be appreciated for their contributions to the American Family Village in this way, too.

These are just some of the ways aunts give of themselves selflessly.

Sunday, July 28, marks the fifth annual Auntie's Day®. Like the tradition of Mother's Day, Father's Day and Grandparent's Day, it's a day to honor and celebrate the women in the American Family Village who love and give to children not-their-own. On Sunday, give the Auntie in your child's life a call, send her a card, or acknowledge her in whatever way you can to say thank you.

Aunthood is a gift. This day is yours. And you deserve it.

XOXO,

July 8, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It was exactly five years ago, on July 9, 2008, that I launched SavvyAuntie.com with the mission to give cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and all women who love kids a community and resources of their own. The Website has since been a Webby Award nominated Best Family Site (proudly losing to Disney's enormous Family.com) and is a Forbes Top 100 Websites for Women 2011 and 2012. SavvyAuntie.com was also ranked in the the global Springwise Top 10 Lifestyle Business Ideas for 2008.

I am so grateful to have made it this far, connecting with so many of you through SavvyAuntie.com, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Youtube, on TV, radio, and through my Wall Street Journal national bestselling book, Savvy Auntie.

The sponsors have been extraordinary with their support. They keep us going and growing and I thank them for recognizing and acknowledging you as consumers who want to know about the very best offerings for nieces and nephews, and yourselves.

And all the SavvyAuntie.com interns - including the present Managing Editorial Intern, Audrey Noelani, I can't thank them enough. Audrey is invaluable to making sure you have the very best content. She brings such a huge heart to the value of this online resource for aunts, especially as a DebutAunt (first-time aunt) herself.  Speaking of content, I can't thank the Savvy Auntie Experts enough for their contributions. What an honor it is to have their Expertise created just for you. There is no other resource that has content designed just for aunts and godmothers.

And to you, the Savvy Auntourage. You are the reason why I wake up every single day with a smile on my face. You are the reason why I work as hard as I do to keep growing this brand and its offerings. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your emails, comments, Tweets, and support. As many of you know, I launched this business with my life savings, and five years later, I am so grateful for not taking investor money that may have taken us way off course, even though it means a small staff and lots of very hard work. As we grow, that may change. There are some very exciting things for me to announce soon, including my second book, OTHERHOOD, to be publsihed by Seal Press and Penguin Canada in early 2014. More to come on that soon.

In the meantime, a year after I launched SavvyAuntie.com, I founded Auntie's Day(R), a day to celebrate and honor you, Savvy Aunties. The 5th Annual Auntie's Day is Sunday, July 28th. For more information, click here.

So happy 5th Auntieversary to you. You are the reason why I've created this brand. And I cannot think of anyone I'd rather celebrate with than you.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

If you have any questions or comments for me directly, don't hesitate to send them to Editor@SavvyAuntie.com. I read every single email and respond to as many as I can. Thank you.

June 17, 2013

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Summer begins this week!  While I know we don't all live near our nieces and nephews, and some of the children go off to camp and other summer adventures, if you spend time with your nieces and nephews, try to make it an experience they will never forget!

Here are some ideas:

Road trip!

A play or musical!

Hiking!

Sailing!

Biking!

Pool party!

Teach them something new!

Weekend at Auntie's!

Whatever you are planning, do something that takes you out of your comfort zone. Let the children bring out the kid in you. You'll all have fun trying new things - or enjoying the things you all love!

Share what you are planning on Twitter @SavvyAuntie or on Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie! And post your photos to Instagram: #SavvyAuntie!

And enjoy the summer!

And don't forget, Auntie's Day is Sunday, July 28!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SAVVY AUNTIE

June 3, 2013

Dear Savvy Aunties,

No season flies by faster than summer. And never before has it been easier to capture memories with our nieces and nephews in photos.

If you are on Instagram, please consider following me, SavvyAuntie, and hashtag your image of scenes with your nieces and nephews: #SavvyAuntie. I will check daily to see the photos  the Auntourage shares.

If you're not on Instagram, and Twitter if your go-to place, follow me @SavvyAuntie and use #SavvyAuntie to share your photos there, too. So many Savvy Aunties do that and it's fAuntastic to see all the joy in aunthood on a daily basis. I often ReTweet those images, too.

And please, share your best photos (only one a day if possible) on the Facebook Fan Page - /SavvyAuntie. I can't wait to see them there, too.

Here's to a wonderful summer with your nieces and nephews. And don't forget, the 5th Annual Auntie's Day is Sunday, July 28th. There should be lots of photo opps then! For more information, click here.

Keep sharing those photos!

Please note, some parents prefer photos of their kids not be shared. It would not be savvy of me to encourage you to share photos without parental approval. But you know that since you're a Savvy Auntie....

XOXO,

Melanie Notkin
Founder

May 20, 2013

Dear Savvy Aunties,

We are looking for one or possible two interns to join the Savvy Auntie team.

Interns will learn how an award-winning multiplatform lifestyle brand like Savvy Auntie works, from editorial content to social media and beyond.

More information here

Please let your college-age nieces and nephews know about this opportunity. They need not be New York City based.

Thank you!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie

May 9, 2013

Dear Savvy Aunties,

My latest post for Huffington Post Women is below. Thank you. xo Melanie Notkin

I want to be a mother.

I know what some of you may say: Have a baby on your own; adopt; foster. And a few of you may say: Sorry, lady, you should have thought of that earlier. You’re just too old.

But I want to be a mother.

I want to be a mother to a baby I’ve given birth to with that infant’s father (the man I have yet to find) by my side, holding my hand: “One more push, honey, one more push! You can do it!”

And I did it!

I want to look into my newborn baby’s eyes and see my love’s eyes. I want to feel that baby on my chest, its heart beating faster than mine, although I can’t believe it because I’ve never been this happy. I’ve never felt my heart beat this way. I want to look at my husband, and have him look back at me with a knowing smile, to say: We did it!

I want to count her tiny fingers and toes. I want to notice that cowlick on her almost bald, little, precious head I know we’ll have trouble dealing with when she gets older. I want to gently touch her cheek with the back on my hand as she sleeps and breathes in my arms. I want to know where those little ears came from and ask my husband if they are from his side of the family.

I want to hold my baby against my bare chest to warm her and calm her as she cries and cries and cries and I know we’re disturbing the other new mother in the bed on the other side of the curtain who finally got to sleep. I want to be determined when I have trouble feeding her, and breathe a sigh of relief when it finally works. I want to count her poops and her pees and how long she sleeps.

I want to make sure I have all the things I need. “Did you bring that extra soft blanket my sister-in-law gave us?” I’ll ask my husband before we leave the hospital. And he’ll say, “Yes, honey, and I just changed her diaper again. Our little bug sure is a good little pisher. And my husband and I will look at each other and smile, knowing how blessed we are that she came, finally, into our lives, little pisher and all.”

I want to struggle with her @#$%^&* car seat and then quickly remember how fortunate I am to have to struggle. I want to wake up at 3:00 a.m. to feed her and calm her while my husband sleeps. I want to nudge him at 5:30 a.m. when it’s his turn, and remember how cute he looks in his boxers and five o’clock shadow as he gets up to feed her. I love him more than ever, I’ll think. I want to feel my belly as I go back to sleep and know it’s time to lose it, not wonder if it will ever carry a baby. Ever. Ever in my dreams.

And I want to let my daughter know she’s loved. I want to encourage her to be independent and able to make her own decisions, fail and succeed, laugh and cry, inspire and be inspired. I want to watch her dance and sing and play hopscotch. I want to listen to her talk to her first little best friend over the phone and wonder how she grew up so fast.

I want to see her spell her name for the first time, so proud of herself. And then I want to see her spell “I love you” for the first time. And I want to see her spell “Mommy” for the first time. I want her to make a necklace out of wooden beads with the letter beads spelling out her name, front and center.

I want to see my husband grow too, as he realizes how much he loves this child who has hair like his wife and a sense of humor like no one he’s ever known. I want to watch him protect her and keep her safe, while pushing her to test her own limits. I want to see the tears in his eyes when she appears in her first ballet dance recital. And I want to watch him shout and clap “Keep going, honey, you’ve got it! You’ve got it!” when he lets go and she keeps steady on her first two-wheel bike.

I want to talk about her in bed with my love, so proud of our daughter and of ourselves for believing we could have her, for believing she would come into our lives. I want to kiss my husband and make love to my husband, knowing our little girl is safe and sound in her sweet pink room, her favorite plush keeping her warm and secure as she sleeps.

I want to read a handwritten card that says:

Happy Mother’s Day!

I love you, Mommy!

And inside a shoebox her father helped our daughter wrap will be a beaded necklace made from her very favorite colored beads that reads: “Mommy” front and center.

I want to be a mother.

I want a Mother’s Day.

I want my dreams to come true, for me, and for the love I don’t yet know: the baby girl (or boy!) who will finally bless our lives.

Happy Mother’s Day to those who will be celebrated. May you always remember how fortunate you are. And to those of you, like me, who are still waiting for love, I still believe this:

Babies are born from the womb. Maternity is born from the soul. There are many ways to mother.

Happy Mother’s Day to the other mothers.

XOXO,

Melanie Notkin

Founder, Savvy Auntie

April 26, 2013

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I cannot believe it's been exactly two years since the release of my *first book, Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids   (Morrow/HarperCollins 2011).

Researching and writing this book, the first of its kind, was my greatest and deepest honor. So many aunts have told me that my book helped welcome them to the Auntourage, or empower their role as a very important secondary caregiver in a child's life. I'm so grateful for that.

If you have not purchased the book, available in hardcover or on Kindle, and are the aunt or godmother to a young niece or nephew - or you are a DebutAunt-to-be, I encourage you to do so. I truly wish I had this book when I first became an aunt.

It's tough to find the book at bookstores, but you can order it online.
Click here to find links to the book online

Here are some wonderful testimonials:

“What a wonderful gift this book is for aunties of all of ages, backgrounds, shapes and varieties! This world is full of child-loving childless women (myself included) and finally we have been given a clever and thoughtful voice of our own. Read this book, embrace it, pass it along: ‘Savvy Auntie’, like the women it celebrates, is destined to be dearly loved.”
Elizabeth Gilbert, bestselling author of Eat, Pray, Love and Committed

“Melanie’s book is invaluable to me as a mom – and as a Savvy Auntie and godmommy myself – because I understand what a gift it is for a child to be loved by so many adoring grownups. On behalf of the kids and moms, thank you, Savvy Auntie!  We love you!”
Tori Spelling, Bestselling author and Actress

“Nothing makes people happier than loving relationships — and in this marvelous celebration of Savvy Aunties’ love for their nieces and nephews, Melanie Notkin shines a much-needed spotlight on a bond that brings so much happiness to so many people.”
Gretchen Rubin, Bestselling author of The Happiness Project

“Savvy Auntie celebrates one of the most precious—and heretofore unsung—relationships on the planet.   I love this book.”
Christiane Northrup, M.D., ob/gyn physician and author of the New York Times bestsellers: Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom and The Wisdom of Menopause.

“Savvy Auntie not only celebrates Aunties, it validates the unique and important role Aunts play in the lives of children who they ADORE.  I highly recommend this book for all Aunties. It provides sage advice and guidance from preparing for the arrival of the baby and safety tips to building nurturing relationships with nieces and nephews throughout their young lives!”
Rosemarie T. Truglio, Ph.D., Vice President, Education & Research, Sesame Workshop

“You’ll be blown away by Melanie Notkin’s expertise on America’s cool aunts, who are over-loved yet overlooked by marketers. If you want to gain the hearts and dollars of these kid-loving, high-spending women, SAVVY AUNTIE is a must read.”
Mary Lou Quinlan, CEO, Just Ask a Woman, author, What She’s Not Telling You

“Savvy Auntie is not only hugely informative, it’s great fun to read. Give it to all to your girlfriends–they’ll thank you, and so will all their lucky nieces and nephews. A great gift for anyone who loves kids.”
Melissa Kirsch, author The Girl’s Guide to Absolutely Everything

“A joy to read. Savvy Auntie is a fun, comprehensive guide that no Auntie (of any kind) should be without! We can’t wait to buy it for our friends.”
“The Guncles” – Bill Horn & Scout Masterson

“With this savvy guide, Melanie has changed the way we will begin to look at women and family in America. She’s identified the one thing all women – straight, gay, married, single, or partnered – have in common: an unconditional love for the children in our lives. What a gift she’s given her Auntourage.”
Jenny Stewart — Entertainment Journalist, Voted “10 Amazing Gay Women in Showbiz”

Watch the book release party video here - Some fun celebrity spotting!



XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Author and Founder, Savvy Auntie

*I say first book because I'm working on my second. It's entitled: "OTHERHOOD" and will be released in early 2014 by Seal Press and Penguin Canada. More to come!

April 13, 2013

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I've often been asked why I chose to call this brand "Savvy" Auntie. People want to know what exactly makes an aunt "savvy." The answer to me was clear: we - the "Auntourage" - do.

Moms and dads have their circles of friends, family and playground acquaintances, not to mention a plethora of social networks, blogs, books and resources helping to guide them along their journey through parenthood. Until Savvy Auntie came along, we aunts didn't have much to lean onto to know if, how and what we were doing was right. All we had were the opinions of the parents, who until they became parents, had little experience too.

I wanted to empower us all to get more savvy about the children in our lives and our influential roles as aunts, godmothers and secondary caregivers to the children we love. And I wanted us to find a way to connect with each other and share our challenges and advice.

When I first began working on developing this website, I knew Community would play an important role. The Savvy Auntie Forums remain popular and I encourage you all to participate by responding and posting your own challenges or thoughts.

In the meantime, as Facebook grew more and more prolific (Savvy Auntie was conceived of in 2007 and launched in 2008 as Facebook was really growing!)  the Savvy Auntie Brand Page become even more central to the 'Auntourage' and our ability to share our experiences as individuals and collectively. Today, we have over 91,000 "Fans" on Facebook - quite extraordinary and attributed to YOUR savvy contributions.

Let's continue to share, comment, advise and support each other. That's how parents become more savvy and how we will will continue to, as well.

By the way - I can't help but offer another way to help you become more savvy, Auntie. My book, Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins) is filled with great research and information on how to be savvy about your nieces and nephews - and your own identity as an aunt and a woman who loves children not her own. It's a great "Mother's Day" gift for those who aren't moms!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and CEO

April 8, 2013

Dear Savvy Aunties,

POSTPONED UNTIL SEPTEMBER 23rd.

If I have learned anything as an entrepreneur, it's that surrounding myself with women who inspire me is one of the most important things that keeps me, well, inspired, to keep doing what I do. 

Dina Manzo, whom some of you may know as a former Real Housewife of New Jersey on Bravo or more recently, the past two seasons of Dina's Party on HGTV, is probably best known among those of us who are fortunate to be her friends, as a humanitarian.

If you live in New Jersey or the tri-state area and are available on Monday, April 22, please join me at Dina's 6th Annual Ladies Night Out - A Goddess Celebration to benefit the Project Ladybug Fund at St. Joseph’s Children’s Hospital.

You'll also meet me and it would be absolute honor to meet you! Plus:

Award-winning authors, including:

Gabrielle Bernstein (May Cause Miracles)

Latham Thomas (MamaGlow)

And mingle with 45 of the tristate area’s top spiritual, health and wellness experts

Enjoy The Brownstone’s award-winning cuisine

Unlimited wine, beer & soda

Mini wellness sessions/consults

Raffles valued at $300 and up

Founded by Dina Manzo, the Project Ladybug Fund at St. Joseph’s Children’s Hospital has provided much needed assistance to young patients and their families coping with life-threatening diseases. The Fund provides patients with “wish” trips, laptop computers for the children to use at the hospital, life saving medications, and funded the creation of a child-friendly and cheerful environment for patients being treated at St. Joseph’s Children’s Hospital’s Center for Pediatric Blood Disorders.

For more information, visit: http://www.projectladybug.org/ladiesnight/

I hope to see you there!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin

April 1, 2013

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Happy April!

Now is the time to start planning a summertime adventure with your nieces and nephews!

Before you know it, that last school bell will ring and there will be days between camp and vacations and summer jobs when you can offer a niece or nephew a fabulous day, weekend or even a week spent with you!

Live apart? Plan your visit now. Or, see if their parents would allow them to visit you! You can share your city and life passions with them. Or, if you live close by, take a tour of your city just like you're tourists, visiting the museums, parks and zoos you never go to yourself. Or, take them to a crafting class or a sporting event. Perhaps you'll plan a road trip together!

Now is the time to get your summer plans going! Share your questions or plans in our Forums or at Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie!  We  can't wait to hear about your summer Auntventures!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie

March 27, 2013

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It's hard to believe, but the spring holidays are upon us!

Passover began earlier this week and we've got a recipe for these delicous Auntie's Healthy Passover Cookies there's still time to enjoy with your nieces and nephews!

With Easter around the corner, here is a list of 5 Egg-citing Easter Games to play with the kids!  Is a niece or nephew having a birthday at Easter time as well? Here are tips for an Easter Birthday Party for Kids!

Oh how we love spring with our nieces and nephews!  Here's to a joyous spring holiday season to the entire Savvy Auntourage - and your nieces and nephews too!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie

March 18, 2013

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As you may know, this past December, I released a national study on the PANK(R), Professional Aunt No Kids, with Weber Shandwick and KRC Research. The findings, published in a report entitled: The Power of the PANK, was featured in The New York Times Sunday Style Section.

One of the areas that stood out is how much PANKs love to travel with nieces and nephews. In fact, nearly half (48%), enjoy traveling with the children in their lives. And 51 percent are interested in discounted travel an adventure rates.

That's why I am so proud to have recently become a spokesperson for Intrepid Travel. The adventure packages are surprisingly affordable, and really enable Savvy Aunties (whether PANKs or not) to indulge the children in their lives in true cultural adventures around the world.

There's much more information here on SavvyAuntie.com: http://bit.ly/13Ju2XZ

And I invite you watch this video which will give you a wonderful sense of how extraordinary an Intrepid Family Travel program can truly give you and your nieces and nephews an Auntventure of a Lifetime!




For more information, visit IntrepidTravel.com/Family

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

PS: Join me on Instagram at Instagram.com/SavvyAuntie!

February 20, 2013

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It's hard to believe that Sunday, July 28, 2013, will mark the 5th Annual Auntie's Day. I founded Auntie's Day in 2009 so that aunts, godmothers, and all women who love children-not-their-own could be honored and celebrated for all that they do for those children - and often, their parents, too. Moms, dads, grandparents... just about everyone in the family has their day. Now it's your turn!

Aunthood is a gift. This day is yours.

You can learn more about Auntie's Day here, and we will keep adding new updates to AuntiesDay.com over the next several months leading up to your special day.

Want to share the news on your social networks? Auntie's Day digital posters can be found here.



XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie

February 3, 2013

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Did you know that you can submit Activity ideas to SavvyAuntie.com? Have a fAunastic activity your nieces and nephews love now - or did when they were younger? Please consider sharing it with the Savvy Auntie audience by clicking the pink SUBMIT YOUR ACTIVITY button on this page:

SavvyAuntie.com/Activities

We'll review the submission as soon as possible and if we think it's extra-savvy, we'll even post on the SavvyAuntie.com homepage and share it in our Weekly Newsletter!

So what are you waiting for? Click here to get started!

By the way, you'll need to be a member of SavvyAuntie.com to submit and Activity, but it's free and easy to join. The same pink Submit button will show you where to register for the site.

Thanks so much for being an active member of the Savvy Auntourage!

XO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder

January 23, 2013

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I'd say I'm pretty tech-savvy. After all, I've been working in digital media since 1999 and own and manage a number of digital media platforms. Even at age 12, I was programming a simple math game in my 'computer labs' at school and imagined a day when I'd be on a computer more often than typing on paper. (This was the early 1980s, for those wondering how ancient I must be!)

I own many of the latest gadgets. On my way to LA a couple of weeks ago, I had an iPhone, iPad and Ultrabook computer on the plane with me. I am very connected. Perhaps even too connected.

Still, technology is not something I grew up with from the day I was born, unlike our youngest nieces and nephews. They have kid-friendly tablets and know how to play (educational) games online even before they can read. It's so natural for them and so exciting to watch them as they play.

Two articles here this week touch on technology. Andy Robertson, our favorite @GeekDadGamer is back with a report on Disney Infinity - a game that he believes might be the ultimate game to play with our nieces and nephews. And we are fortunate to have a Savvy Uncle, Jeff Cutler, report back from the Consumer Electronics Show on ways Savvy Aunties can leverage the best of new tech when considering gifts for their nieces and nephews.

I will be at the International Toy Fair next month here in New York City to discover the latest toys - and tech toys - for kids of all ages. I look forward to seeing the wonders ahead.

Here's to being tech-Savvy Aunties!

XO,
Melanie Notkin
Author and Founder, Savvy Auntie

January 14, 2013

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Yesterday, I moderated a panel at the Fertility Planit Show in Los Angeles, California. The topic was: Letting Go of Having Genetic Offspring. The panel included four extraordinary experts:

Tracey Cleantis M.A., LMFT, Licensed Psycotherapist
Lisa Manterfield, Life Without Baby Author
Dr. Janis Goldman PhD, Clinical Psychologist, Psychoanalyst
Marc Kalan M.D., The Center for Fertility and Gynecology Reproductive Endocrinologist/Infertility Specialist

If you are childless and want to have children, but are at a stage where you are considering the idea that it may not happen - at least not in the way you expected it to - watch the session. It may be helpful. It was recorded on UStream: http://bit.ly/10uqX1J

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder

December 30, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As I reflect on the year, I am so proud of SavvyAuntie.com. I'm privileged to offer you content designed specifically for you as an aunt by relation, aunt by choice, godmother - or any woman who loves a child not her own. With our team of experts and guests, most recently led by our Managing Editorial Intern, Audrey Noelani, we have published hundreds of articles that help to make you savvier aunties.

Our Top Ten Most Popular Articles of 2012 is a wonderful reflection of just that.

We look forward to growing and improving our content in 2013! If you are an expert in an area that will contribute to our mission of providing the resources and community that help make aunts more savvy, send us an email to Editor@SavvyAuntie.com with a one paragraph pitch for consideration. Our contributors are offered the Savvy Auntie platforms on which to share their 'savvy' with the Savvy Auntourage.

Here's to a fAuntastic 2013! We can't wait to continue the conversation there!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

December 15, 2012

Originally published in Huffington Post Women

I know what you're thinking.

I can read it on your face... the distracted smile, the unconvincing nod, the slightly furrowed brow...

You're trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Or at the very least, what I'm doing wrong. The questions you ask yourself at the moment you've discovered I'm single and childless is: "Why is this woman still single and childless? What's wrong with her?"

If we haven't yet met, let me take a moment to describe what will happen when we do. You'll notice I'm attractive. Not a cover girl beauty, but attractive. You'll notice I'm petite and slim. I'll probably be wearing something that flatters me. I'm articulate and bright. I'm certainly someone who some men might find appealing enough to want to be with. And all this makes my circumstance even that much more curious to you.

And as you're thinking this, you'll notice I'm smiling back at you, and looking straight into your eyes as I shake your hand firmly, yet femininely. And a conversation will begin or continue about something other than what you are thinking...

So naturally, you'll be distracted, searching for clues in what I say, or don't say... in my mannerisms and in my face. You'll wonder how this happened to me... how I ended up single and without the children I always dreamed I'd have. If you're younger than I am, you'll either confirm to yourself that it could never possibly happen to you, or, now that you've met me, you'll wonder if it possibly could.

If you're married and a mom, you'll pat yourself on the back for knowing better that I did. Knowing 'what' exactly, neither of us is quite sure, but you'll let out a sigh of relief that you're safe and sound, despite any hidden challenges you are facing behind closed doors. You knew better, and that's enough for you.

And the gentlemen... well if we're on a date, you'll find a way to let me know that you're OK with my age, notwithstanding your own. You'll credit yourself for dating a woman who may no longer be able to have biological children -- or be relieved for that very fact. Either way, you'll let me know. You'll tell me how you usually date younger women but find women 'my age' (often your age) refreshing. Or, you'll tell me that your friends 'warned' you about my age, but you told them it didn't matter. "You don't look it!" you'll say as if it were consolation.

And I'll be smiling. I'll take a sip of my wine. I'll still laugh at your jokes.

But I know what you're thinking: What is wrong with this woman?

And before I can answer, you've come to a series of possible conclusions:

She's a 'career woman' and too focused on her career to be interested in love.

She's too much of a romantic.

And in your exasperation of final possibilities you think: There must be something unlovable about her, otherwise, she'd be loved by now.

But you'll notice something else about me; throughout this encounter, I'm still smiling. You're now thinking that I'm more confident than an unmarried, childless woman should be at my age. You're thinking that I'm happier than I should be... that I'm practically glowing, even! What is that about, you ask yourself?

The thing is, you don't know what I'm thinking.

I'm thinking that my life is not defined but anyone else's thoughts. Only my thoughts have the power to control my attitude toward life. If you read my thoughts, they would say:

I'm not in the wrong life being the wrong wife. My womb is empty but my life is full. My mother gave me a life and I'm not wasting it on grieving or thinking less of myself for not becoming a mother as well. I am loved. I am loveable. I am, in this moment, the very best me I can be. And while it may not be the life you, having just met me, would expect for me... it's the life, knowing myself for 43 years, that was meant to be mine.

I'm still growing, still tweaking my imperfections. Every single day, I take another bite out of my potential. But I never bite off more than I can chew. I have left plenty of room for love.

There may be many reasons why I'm not yet married and why I have not become a mother. But the only reason that matters is that it wasn't yet meant to be.

Hear me when I say I know what you're thinking. Know me when you believe what I'm saying.

Life is good. Tomorrow is better. And tomorrow we may meet again. And perhaps then, you will think differently.

XOXO,

Melanie Notkin

Founder, Savvy Auntie

December 3, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

This is a big week for me and Savvy Auntie. I partnered with Weber Shandwick, a leading global PR firm, and KRC Research, on national joint-study on PANKs - Professional Aunts No Kids - a term I coined for many of the women in the Savvy Auntie community.

The New York Times covered the report in this past weekend's Style section, featuring me and Savvy Auntie. The story makes it seem like PANKs are single but, in fact, only 52% of PANKs are never married. So don't you fret, married and partnered aunts - you're part of this powerful demo, too! The NYT story is here: http://nyti.ms/RpaJTw

I wrote a piece for the Huffington Post which describes why The Power of the PANK research study is so important. I've added it here:

New Study Uncovers 23 Million Powerful American Women -- and They're Not Moms

The moment I became an aunt for the first time was the most meaningful and fulfilling time of my life. My "auntuition," as I now call it, kicked in the moment I saw my newborn nephew and I made a silent vow to do everything in my power to love and cherish that child. The bond was immediate, the love eternal.

But as much as I felt this milestone had changed everything for me, no one else beyond my closest friends and family seemed to notice. No one spoke to me as an aunt, my most cherished role, not even brand marketers when I needed to know what children wanted. I remember walking into a giant toy store wanting nothing more than to buy the world for a special 1-year-old on his birthday, and realizing as soon as I walked in the door that I had little idea what of he'd need or want. The childless Auntie is expected to wield her cool aunt magic on her darling nieces and nephews, but while moms and dads have a plethora of tools, guides, resources and communities, we had nothing.

That's why, in 2008, I launched Savvy Auntie®, the multi-platform lifestyle brand for cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and all women who love kids, to support aunts' needs and give them a voice. Savvy Auntie, a celebration of modern aunthood, has developed into an active, proud tribe, now even geared up with an annual Auntie's Day® on the fourth Sunday in July so aunts can be recognized and celebrated for all that they do.

The Power of the PANK®

And now, four years later, my company has reached its next milestone. Savvy Auntie has partnered with Weber Shandwick and KRC Research, and together, we released a groundbreaking new study this week entitled: The Power of the PANK: Engaging New Digital Influencers. PANK -- or Professional Aunt No Kids -- is the term I coined for this powerful niche of women when I founded my company. The national study was able to more deeply quantify and qualify this segment, revealing that childless aunts are a sizeable segment of younger women with disposable income, dynamic influence and a digitally-connected lifestyle who are extraordinarily generous with the children in their lives, those children's parents and our communities at large.

Our findings showed that nearly 1-in-5 (19%) American women ages 18+ are PANKs, women who self-identify as childless or childfree and having a bond with at least one child in their life by relation or by friendship. This adds up to 23 million American women, a sizeable market when compared with the LGBT demographic (16 million) and the African-American demographic (28 million). And our findings were not only powerful in terms of the scope of our buying power, but perhaps more so, the size of our hearts.

Secondary Caregivers but Primary Gift Givers

PANKs spend $387 on average per child in their life, per year. And more than three-quarters of us (76%) spend $500 or more per child, annually. At a baseline of one child per PANK, that's $9 billion dollars of annual spend on kids alone. And we don't solely offer gifts, although we certainly enjoy putting a smile on the faces of our nieces and nephews. More than one-third (34%) of PANKs contribute to a child's education.

Our influence with children runs deep. Nieces, nephews, godchildren and all the special children in our lives look up to their Savvy Aunties. Nearly 7 in 10 PANKs (68%) report to be a role model for the kids in their lives and more than one-third of PANKs (35%) offer kids things that their parents cannot, which may be financial, emotional, friendship or some other type of support. In fact, many have given gifts to parents to help them provide for their kids (45%).

With these findings, it wasn't surprising to also learn that our giving doesn't stop in their homes. PANKs are more likely than all women to do community service, charity work or volunteer. And we are significantly more likely than overall women to enjoy social activities -- hanging out with friends, dating, using social networks and participating in sports. Most importantly, PANKs are just as satisfied with their lives as women in general (61% vs. 62%, respectively).

So here we are -- a bighearted, nurturing group of influential women who often go unnoticed for what we contribute to the American Family Village. And we feel it. Our findings show that exactly half of all PANKs believe that society overlooks women who don't have children. And marketers are missing out on this untapped niche of abundantly generous women, too. Imagine if we knew what the "cool toys" were before we went shopping for our nephews' holiday gifts -- or before they told us what they wanted. Imagine if financial services companies reached out to us to help us save for our nieces' coaches, tutors and college funds. Imagine if community service organizations brought programs to share with our godchildren to our attention. Imagine if ads for women didn't speak only to "moms."

Imagine if when talked about family in America, aunts were a central, involved part of the discussion. Everyone would benefit.

It's time for aunts to rise up and be counted and it's time for society to welcome us in and acknowledge our powerful, positive influence. Aunts are part of The New Normal in America. We are The New Normal in America.

And we're 23 million, $9 billion in giving to children, strong. Can you hear us now?

November 28, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,





I recently revealed the 2012 Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Award Winners. Each year, I discover and research hundreds of toys and dwindle those down to a list of only the very elite few I think are the coolest of the year. That way, you know you're getting your nieces and nephews the toys they are most likely to have on their wish lists! And once again, you prove to be the coolest aunt they know!

You'll find more about how I choose the winners here:  http://bit.ly/UlFdTu

And all the Winners are here in the Savvy Auntie Gifts section: http://bit.ly/10dmz4f

Congratulations to all the winners!


XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and CEO

November 18, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It's hard to believe, but Thanksgiving is this week. And while it's a wonderful time to take stock of all we are grateful for as aunts and godmothers, I want to take this moment to thank you for what you have given me.

Little did I know when I came up for the idea for Savvy Auntie in the summer of 2007 that this now multi-platform lifestyle brand would lead to an award-winning Website, a national bestselling book, over 80,000 active and engaged members of the Auntourage on Facebook, *Auntie's Day(R)  - an annual day to celebrate aunts and godmothers - and that Savvy Auntie would become my life's purpose.

I get so many emails and messages from women like you here in the United States, Canada and around the world. These amazing women tell me how meaningful it is for them to have access to the resources we offer, to feel part of a community, and to finally feel recognized for all that they do for children not-their-own.

These letters mean the world to me. As some of you know, I started this company with my life savings. I knew that good things would come of it. Instead, great things have come of it. And I have you all to thank.

Thank you, dear Savvy Aunties, and please continue to share your thoughts and your milestones with us, here, on Twitter @SavvyAuntie, and on Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie. Know that I do my very best to read every single thing you post. And I appreciate it all so much.

Happy ThAuntsgiving!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

November 5, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

The days since Hurricane Sandy hit the North East have been tough. Personally, I was very lucky and had very little to have to cope with. But some family members, friends and colleagues suffered power outages and outrageous gasoline lines. Many are thankfully returning to power, school and work.

There are of course tens of thousands more who are suffering unimaginable losses. Dozens lost their lives. It's estimated that 40,000 in the New York area alone are now homeless. And thousands have lost their livelihoods.

But there was evidence this week of incredible humanity, even just among my personal groups of friends. Jenny and Roy Niederhoffer of New York City gathered dozens of volunteers and several truckloads of supplies and headed to the Rockaways, one of the most devastated areas. Michelle Benvenisti (a Savvy Auntie) and friends raised $1,600 from friends in just one day and with the money, filled carloads of supplies for the Rockaways and Staten Island. Jennifer Walsh and Sarah Colvin - both Savvy Aunties - established a make-shift drop-off center on the Upper East side so that friends and strangers had a place to bring their donated supplies. A truck-load has been leaving daily to affected areas since Sunday. Rebecca Schweiger opened her art studio space to accommodate donation drop offs and drove them out to affected areas.  And Mimi Banks, another Savvy Auntie, who left the state to escape her Manhattan apartment without power, started a Facebook Page from across the country to help inform people where and how to volunteer to help.

On the ground, Savvy Auntie Pamela Mohr Weinstein went with a group of volunteers to the Rockaways to drop off food and supplies and help. She reported later on Facebook: "It literally looks like a war zone. Sand everywhere and people's homes completely flooded. Spoke to a nice guy who only wanted to smell my hair b/c it was clean. Said that there is terrible robbery happening. Once night falls, burglars knock on doors and say they are FEMA, then shoot and rob."



These are just some of the stories of heroism. These are just some of the stories from what I call BenevolAunts - women without children of their own who give so much to others' children - other people - out of the pure generosity of their hearts.

If you'd like to give, here are some ways:

The hardest hit areas like Staten Island and the Rockaways need food, toiletries, flashlights, LED lights, C and D batteries, baby needs, feminine needs, senior needs, hammers, shovels, brooms, disinfectant, paper towels, scouring goods, etc.

Consider ordering items online and sending them directly to:

Updated address - Amazon cannot ship to the Rockaways so supplies shipped here will be shuttled to the right location:

Office of Councilman James Sanders
234-26 Merrick Blvd.
Laurelton, NY 11422
718-527-4356.

And here is an Amazon Wish List of supplies needed in Staten Island. The order gets shipped directly to the Assemblyman there: http://amzn.to/Xdudfe

You can also text REDCROSS to 90999 to give $10. The donation is added to your cell phone bill.

Thank you,

Melanie Notkin
Savvy Auntie Founder and Author

Photo care of Jennifer Walsh: Notes left by some of the folks who dropped off supplies at Jennifer Walsh's and Sarah Colvin's drop-off center)

October 31, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I'm sorry to report that SavvyAuntie.com was down for a couple of days because of hurricane Sandy affecting our servers. Clearly the Website is back up and running.

I am so grateful that, while based in New York City, this was the worst damage we suffered from the hurricane. While our internet was out for a number of ours, our power never went out and there has been no physical damage.

I have been watching the news and connecting with others via Twitter and Facebook since Sunday, watching the events unfurl. The devastation that Sandy brought to the North East, including taking several precious lives, has been truly heartbreaking.

Sandy is a reminder to give our nieces and nephews hugs as often as we can and tell them how much we love them. I know I certainly will....as soon as their power is reinstated.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and CEO, Savvy Auntie

October 22, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Last week, I mentioned I caught a couple of episodes of WKPR in Cincinnati on TV. Well, this week, I watched a number of episodes of the 'thirtysomething,' the one hour ABC drama that aired from 1987 to 1991.

The show, inspired by the hit movie The Big Chill, centered around Hope and Michael, a newly married couple in their thirties, and their baby, Jayne, and a number of their friends including Nancy and Elliot, another married couple, Michael's single friend, Gary, Michael's single cousin, Melissa and Hope's best friend, Ellyn, who was also single. Thirtysomething was one of my favorite shows in my late teen years, and just hearing the theme song this weekend brought me back a quarter-century...

When I watched the show back then, I imagined myself to one day be like Hope, married to a great guy with a beautiful baby girl. Surely, I would not end up like Melissa or Ellyn, single and contemplating single motherhood by choice like Melissa did or buying my condo to live in it alone, like Ellyn did. That wouldn't be my life.

And yet here I am, now forty-something, and much more like Melissa and Ellyn than I ever imagined. The women were indeed Savvy Aunties to their friends' children (even if it took Ellyn a little more time to acclimate to the role.) And they both suffered the joys and pain of singlehood into their mid thirties, a lifestyle that hadn't yet been accepted as normal.

Looking back, thirtysomething was very progressive for its time (and not just because one episode featured two gay men in bed together). The characters were the younger boomers, showing Generation X that life would be much different than their parents', or our parents' lives. But I was too focused on Hope to imagine my life would be any different from hers.

This weekend, I was focused on Melissa and Ellyn and their lives, and watched the show again for the very first time.

XOXO,

Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

November 15, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

In a couple of weeks, we'll be with our young nieces and nephews - or asking their parents for photos of the kids in their costumes - for Halloween. A few short weeks later, we'll be celebrating Thanksgiving.... and before you know it, Hanukkah (begins December 8) and Christmas....

And then the year starts all over again. It goes by so quickly, doesn't it?

Last night, I caught an episode of WKRP in Cincinnati, one of the great sitcoms of its time (1978-1982). The episode happened to flash back to some of the funniest moments of the past season. If you're over 40, you probably know the show well, and like me, can remember watching the show with the family. And you probably recall an episode when Herb thinks a great Thanksgiving promotion for the radio station would be to give away turkeys. All good, except the turkeys were still alive and.... and well Herb threw them out of a helicopter....  "As God is my witness, I thought Turkey’s could fly!" Herb said.

It's hard to believe that episode aired over 30 years ago. I remember it like it was just a few years ago. Oh truly, how time flies.

Which brings us back to this year's holiday season. There will be stress. There may be some familial issues. But in 30 years, that's not what you want to remember about this time. You want to remember the laughter and the joy. You want to remember your amazing nieces and nephews at this age. You want to remember the good things, fondly.

Focus on remembering the stuff that makes you smile and make it a very memorable holiday season 2012.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

October 8, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I'm always thrilled with our sponsors, brands that recognize the valuable role aunts play in the family village. And this week, I'm honored to announce that the production company behind Ruby Skye P.I. is our latest sponsor.

Ruby Skye P.I. is a multi-award winning web series that debuted its popular first season last year. It's a comedy starring a teen detective, in the spirit of Nancy Drew, who solves mysteries through clues revealed in each episode. Now, with its second season: Ruby Skye P.I.: The Haunted Library, the web series is not only back - it's better! The production quality is some of the best on the web.

When the people behind the series approached me about helping to let Savvy Aunties know about Ruby Skye P.I. so aunts and godmothers can share the series with their nieces and nephews, I was thrilled. This is exactly the type of show aunts can watch alongside a tween or teen - or watch together online from a distance.

Ruby Skye P.I.: The Haunted Library - Trailer

Jill Golick, the creator, writer and executive producer of the series, is a big fan of Savvy Auntie - of aunts in general - and prepared a special message just for you. You can find her video and more information on the web series here.

Please take a look and let me know what you think of Ruby Skye P.I. on Twitter @SavvyAuntie or send me an email:  Editor@SavvyAuntie.com.

And don't forget to tune in - and tell your nieces and nephews to tune in - beginning Wednesday, October 10, 2012 at RubySkyePI.com. You can catch the first season there too!

XOXO,

Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

Originally posted in Huffington Post Women

With only a few moments' notice, the television camera light was on and so was I. I hadn't known when I went to meet some of the lovely people behind a new daytime talk show that I would be taped for an on-air "man on the street"-style clip. But there I was, prepped only minutes before on the question I'd be asked.

Before I knew it, the adorable and affable host was pointing the mic at me, asking what I thought I'd never do in my lifetime and actually did. I offered that I had started my own business, always wanting but never knowing that I would one day actually become an entrepreneur. I had managed to answer the question while unabashedly giving my business a little plug. Good job, I thought to myself, satisfied with my response and relieved I had spent a little more time on my hair and makeup that morning.

But the host wasn't done. There was one more question, a question I wasn't expecting: "And what would you never say "never" to doing?"

Pregnant pause.

It was just two days after my latest post here and I was still actively receiving comments, messages and emails on my pronouncement to choose to wait for love over choosing single motherhood -- even if that meant not becoming a mother. Most responses were supportive. But one was still stinging: "There is no such thing as Prince Charming!" a friend emailed me after reading the piece, "If you want children, then have them... Women today who REALLY want children, have children!" (Emphasis hers)

The email caught me by surprise. I seldom complain about not having children, if ever. The only women I discuss it with are my friends in similar circumstances. It's not like I'm a 'woe-is-me' kind of gal. In fact, my brand is about celebrating aunts by relation, aunts by choice, godmothers and other women who love children-not-their-own. I'm very much focused on the positive.

As I've written here, while I had always expected and wanted to be a mom, I never wanted to have a baby on my own, should a husband not arrive. At 43, I can look back at my decision with no regrets, although I do wish I had had marriage and children in my twenties or thirties. But some suppose I am miserable for my choices. Some expect me to be deeply unhappy. Some warn me of great future regret. And as all of these thoughts were weighing on me heavily and with the mic pointed in my direction and the milliseconds ticking... I couldn't belabor how to respond any longer:

"I'd never say never to having a baby on my own!" I said with a big smile and well-played confidence. But I immediately felt like a fraud.

There are those who won't let me let go of my grief for not becoming a mother, and I feel a need to vow to keep the idea open. "Never say never," they say with a charmed and hopeful smile.

As women approach the end of our fertility, unwed and uninterested in solo-motherhood-by-choice, we are not allowed to move on. Natalie Garfield, a Manhattan-based psychotherapist and author of The Sense Connection, revealed when I interviewed her for my book that it used to be, even just a generation ago, that women who did not marry and/or have children by age 40 grieved and moved on. But today, with the advancement of assisted reproductive technology (ART), women are no longer given permission to move on. If there's hope after age 40, more so if there's a will, there's a way! But while for many of us who remain single and childless, there is a strong will to be a mother, there is no way we want to do it on our own. Somehow, this translates to some to mean we never actually wanted to be mothers.

Every sleepless night yearning, every tear, every guy we gave a few more dates to hoping he might be the one if only we felt something more, was for naught. And every time another woman gives birth at late age: "There's still hope!" And for us, there is no exit.

Garfield told me that ART made it so that there is no longer an end-point to our time in late-fertility grief. We're expected to keep being sad; we're not allowed to give up. And when we show evidence of being happy with our lives, then our sincerity for having wanted to be mothers is no longer valued: "You obviously chose to be a career woman," they say. "My career never stopped me from wanting to find love and marriage, nor to having a baby," I respond.

"You never wanted children, right?" they assume. "I very much wanted children," I contend. "But I have no father for those babies."

"Did you [insert all the things one can do to have a baby on one's own]?" they ask. "I have not," I answer. "For example, egg freezing was not a scientifically viable option for women until I was 40, too late to invest the $10,000 it would cost to freeze my eggs for the low chance they were viable."

And finally, the ultimate question: "Have you tried Match or JDate?" as if I haven't been dating for upwards of 20 years and do not know my dating options. It's implied I'm not trying hard enough. I am choosing childlessness by not doing enough to find love. Oh but how I've tried. How I've tried.

I realize I live in a world where moms are queens, no matter how self-deprecating or ambivalent some can be about motherhood. The proof that they wanted to be mothers is their children. I cannot prove I wanted to be a mother unless I go ahead and have a baby on my own, or at the very least, show constant evidence of grief and regret for being childless. I will not be pressured into either.

If I spend my life feeling less-than for being childless, then I have wasted a good part of my life; I am somewhat life-less.

I have moved on. Do I still yearn to be a mother? Not as much as I used to; I have grieved and gotten to the other side. But yes, I have moments. I have moments of wanting to know what it feels like to be pregnant, of wanting to hold my newborn on my chest, of wanting to look at the love of my life and feel so grateful we have a child together. So I give myself permission to live those moments for a minute or two. Then I move on. I move on. All I need from those who care about me is for them to let me move on, too.

Do I still have hope I'll fall in love and, because we both desire to have children together, have a baby with that man? Yes, absolutely. As they say: "Never say never."

September 19, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

When I first had the idea for Savvy Auntie, I knew toy companies would love the opportunity to connect with Savvy Aunties – women who love to give their nieces and nephews, and all the children in their lives, gifts that the kids want and  - we hope - will treasure.  Some toys, we know, are delighted upon when the gift boxes are opened, but months, weeks, sometimes even days later, the children move on to other toys they also love.

But there are also many gifts that we know they will cherish for a long time, whether it’s an extraordinary experience, like a first baseball game or a trip to the ballet, or a simple ice cream cone with extra sprinkles on top. And there are some toys that we know will also last forever. It could be a board game they play for years with family members, their first remote control race car… or perhaps a special doll.

When a niece receives her first doll from the day she is born through her formative years, the doll often becomes part of the family. Sometimes her love for a doll is inexplicable. But every so often, we know exactly why she loves that doll. It’s beautifully crafted and designed, perfect for snuggling or making her feel like a little mommy herself.

When I rediscovered Corolle Dolls at a New York Toy Fair a few years back, I fell in love with all the beautiful dolls the French company designs. Corolle is always one of my favorite stops each year at the toy industry event. So when the good people at Corolle invited me to become a Brand Ambassador, I was delighted. Corolle dolls are magnificent and ones I know your newborn and little nieces will fall in love with. A Corolle doll is a gift that lasts.

You can learn more about some of my favorite Corolle dolls here: http://bit.ly/PM8FDD

The brands that sponsor Savvy Auntie help me develop the resources I offer you. Please support our sponsors as your support keeps the Savvy Auntie movement going strong!

Thank YOU and thank you, Corolle!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

August 21, 2012

This article was originally published in Huffington Post Women as the main feature.

"You're going to hate me for saying this," says my good friend, a married mom of three, as we stand on the beach and look toward the ocean. "But you're never going to find a man. They're just not out there. No single woman I know can find a guy." She takes a breath and adds: "So you should have a baby. Do whatever it takes and have a baby. You should at least become a mother." I don't hate her for saying it. She is saying what so many others are thinking.

"I just don't want to see you alone the rest of your life," she adds softly to mitigate the harshness of her advice. The rest of my life, I think to myself as I look toward the horizon. It's too endless to imagine.

"But this is the rest of my life. Right here and right now, this is my life. I am alone. And I'm OK. It's not what I want. It's not what I expected. It's not where I want to be. But it's my reality," I say, more defiantly than usual. I'm running out of ways to show I'm not a victim to friends who wonder if I am.

When you're at the end of your fertility, at the end of the summer, at the other end of an argument you can't win, all you want to do is wait it out.

But your good friends want to know you're OK. And I feel the need to defend why I'm not a mother even though being a mother is all I ever wanted to be. "I don't want have to have a baby on my own," I argue. "I can't imagine how lonely being a single mother can potentially be. It's hard enough to meet a man, and it's even harder to meet a man who wants to be with a pregnant woman, or a new mother, or a harried single mother. Besides, I don't have any support. I don't have parents nearby or siblings who can help me. And honestly," I add tepidly, "I don't want to have a baby from the sperm of a man I don't know. I want to know where my son's clef chin came from. I want to know where my newborn daughter's long fingers came from. I want to look into my baby's eyes and see the love of my life."

I'm a hopeless romantic. When I fall in love, which happens very rarely, I fall deeply, madly, spiritually-on-a-whole-other-level in love. It's not a naïve love. I know there are problems -- most often it's that he has no desire to be in a long-term committed relationship -- but it's love. At least, that's how I remember it.

I look at the families on the beach. Little boys chasing little girls in the sand. A couple sharing a glance. A father and son running into the waves.... My friend sees it too and softens her tone even more: "I'm just saying you'd make an amazing mom, and it's just a shame that you'll never be a mother. It's sad that you'll never have a family."

I'm sad too, but I know I'm not the only one dealing with this. Just last week, a business colleague, a single woman in her mid-thirties, confessed that an article I wrote made her cry on the treadmill in the middle of her morning workout. "I saw myself in your writing," she said. Later that night, an acquaintance stole me away at a party, where the ratio was at best 80/20 women to men: "I never thought it would end up this way," the very pretty brunette told me. "I can't believe I'm turning 40 next month and this is my life."

"All the single women I know are fabulous," a 50-something divorced mom and business colleague said over the phone. "I was in a meeting yesterday and looked around the room. Each woman was in your shoes. It's a different time now than in my day. Maybe you have more financial freedom and social acceptance to wait for the right guy, but the right guys don't seem to be coming along."

"I have a friend who is 45, and she's involved with this guy, madly in love," said another business colleague, a married mom of two, later in the week. "But he doesn't want more children. And all she's talked about since I've known her is how badly she wants to be a mother. And we all know she'd make an extraordinary mom. How can she stay with him if he doesn't want kids? How can she give that up?"

"She's in love," I said. "She chose love. She knows what she's potentially giving up. But she's found love, let her have it." I realize I've stepped over the line, but those who have found love and have had children tend to be laissez-faire about their good fortune. "We just never thought she'd choose not to have children," she added. "She didn't choose not to have children, she chose to have children with a man she loves and when that didn't happen, she kept the love," I explained.

I'm burying my feet in the sand. "If you don't do something soon, you'll never be a mother," my friend warns. "I know," I reply with a sigh. "I am aware of my age and fertility. But I have grieved that I won't ever be a young mom. I've gotten over that I probably won't be an older first-time mom, either. I have made a choice not to have a baby on my own. Having a baby on my own is not something I ever imagined, dreamed of, desired, nor is it something I believe I am capable of. It doesn't mean it's not heartbreaking. It doesn't mean I don't still have hope I'll have a baby. It means I am holding out to have a baby with a man I love."

"But what if love never comes?" she adds. "What if Mr. Perfect never arrives?"

"I'm not waiting for Mr. Perfect. I'm not even waiting for Mr. Perfect-For-Me," I argue, digging my heels even deeper into the sand. "I am waiting for love. I am waiting for love with all its bumps and bruises and imperfections and hard times and good times and over-the-moon-times and laughter and intimacy and.... and I simply haven't found that love yet. Or I haven't found it when he was ready for it. But I know without a doubt that I deserve love. I deserve to have my heart skip a beat when I merely think of him. I deserve to be held like the world is standing still around us. I believe in love. I believe when I meet him he will make every lonely day I waited worth it.

"It hasn't happened on the timeline that I expected. And it's possible it will come too late for motherhood. And you're right, it may never come at all," I say, hoping it isn't true.

"However, I can say this," I add. "I've never been happier with who I am. I feel more 'me' than I've ever known me to be. I've never been more proud of my strengths or more self-aware of my weaknesses. I have made mistakes. Big mistakes. I have taken risks. Big risks. I have done things I never imagined I could do. I have met people I never imagined I'd ever meet. I have put everything on the line to live my life to its potential and I am living an extraordinary life. This is me. And I am the very best version of me I have ever been.

"I am ready for him. And when he meets me, he will know he's met the best of me. And together we will be the best of us. In the meantime, I am waiting. I am waiting. I am waiting for love."

The tide comes in and washes the sand off my feet and I'm reminded that it's only a matter of time.

I know many single moms by choice and I have the utmost respect for them. My choice not to try to have a baby on my own is not a reflection or judgment of any sort on their extraordinary choice to be mothers. I admire them to the utmost, truly. I only wish I had the courage they posses.

August 13, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

(Originally published in The Huffington Post)

Fifty years after the release of her seminal book, Sex and The Single Girl, in 1962, Helen Gurley Brown has died at age 90. And while many will remember her as the editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan magazine (1965-1997), I will remember HGB as the first and most significant modern champion of the single woman.

Helen Gurley Brown knew this woman well. When she wrote Sex and the Single Girl she was 40 years old, having wed just three years earlier at age 37 — very late for the mid-century American woman. But HGB was not going to settle for anything less than what she wanted, calling herself a mouseburger, “someone who worked hard, never surrendered, advanced professionally and married the man of her dreams.” She advocated that her single girls do the same.

Back then, and one can argue even still today, a woman was not considered fully grown or mature until she married. HGB could not tolerate that judgment. In an interview with author Roy Newquist in 1967, Gurley Brown explained why she wrote her book: “Nobody was championing [single women]. Volumes had been written about this creature, but they all treated the single girl like a scarlet-fever victim, a misfit, and… you can’t really categorize one-third of the female population as misfits.”

Helen Gurley Brown was part of my inspiration for what I write about in Huffington Post Women and discuss through my lifestyle brand: Savvy Auntie. At age 38, I set out to champion the nearly 50 percent of American women who are childless, for whatever reason, and show that we are maternal despite not being mothers. Often mistakenly labeled ‘selfish,’ ‘pathetic’ or made to feel ‘less than’ simply because we are childless, I set out to give this segment of modern women the acknowledgment and appreciation they deserve. In the spirit of Helen Gurley Brown, I asked how the woman without children — every other woman in the United States — could possibly be less of a woman simply because she is not a mother.

What is remarkable about Sex and the Single Girl was that it was published a year before Betty Friedan’s The Feminine Mystique, known today as the feminist manifesto. But while Friedan set out to help make women equal among men, Gurley Brown set out to make single women equal among all women.

In 1982, Gurley Brown published another book entitled: Having It All. The book was aimed at her Cosmopolitan reader; the young, single woman she inspired to have love, success, sex and money, “even if you’re starting from nothing.” Thirty years later, we are still talking about “having it all,” but only in the context of working mothers, excluding single women and childless women from even getting into the conversation. It was Helen Gurley Brown who did not distinguish between married mothers and the single woman when it came to the ability to have it all. It was just a different kind of having it all for each of them. If you were a child of the depression who wasn’t expected to amount to much, and you became Helen Gurley Brown, then you knew a kind of “having it all” that all women should aspire to: Living your best life with joy and love, with or without a man. And when the right man comes along, knowing that you’ve waited for the best love of all.

Helen Gurley Brown and her late husband, David Brown, were married for over 50 years when he died in 2010. They had no children.

Here’s to you, Helen Gurley Brown, with love from one of your Single Girls.

XOXO,

Melanie Notkin, Founder

August 9, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,


(originally published in The Huffington Post)


In an essay published in last week's Telegraph, author Amanda Craig makes the unfortunate argument that the late, beloved, famed novelist Maeve Binchy would have been a better writer had she been a mother, giving her a "deeper understanding of human nature," she explained. The sad irony is that Binchy had deeply desired to be a mother but struggled with infertility. She openly shared her story in a 2008 article for The Daily Mail: "Of course I wanted children. Bright, gorgeous, loving children. I could almost see them. But it was not to be..."

I do not want to stoop to a level of having to defend the emotional warmth of women who happen not to have children, or their ability to "dig deeper" and "enlighten" as much as mothers can, despite Craig's arguments to the contrary. Craig has probably read the comments and fury she and her article have received. I won't add to that here.

Instead, I will take this opportunity to celebrate Maeve Binchy. I admit that until a Savvy Auntie Facebook Fan alerted me to Binchy's death and her love for her nieces and nephews, I hadn't paid much attention to the novelist. I had seen the 1995 film Circle of Friends, based on her best-selling novel of the same name, but that's about it. But when I read her Daily Mail article, "This Life: Maeve Binchy on being unable to have children" shortly after she died last week -- about how she embraced aunthood when motherhood would not be -- I immediately felt a loss.

I bless those good friends and family who lent us their children and never minded that we played the roles of ageing enfants terribles, allowing them more freedom in some ways than parents ever would, but yet indulging our own anxieties under the cover of having bad nerves...

Our many 'children' and 'grandchildren' will never really understand what a great role they played in filling a gap that could have been sad and destructive but in the end turned out be so joyful.

Binchy celebrated her friends and family who were parents for giving her and her husband the gift of so much joy, and she appreciated their children for the way they filled their hearts.

Being maternal isn't what creates a full womb; the act of conception (traditional or with the help of technology) does that. Being maternal, whether you have children of your own or not, is good evidence of a full heart.

The prejudice toward childless women as unenlightened, heartless women who will never know love the way mothers do is unproductive. There is no question that the experience of motherhood adds to the wealth of experiences an author has to glean from. But the pain of being unable to become a mother and the joy of selflessly loving nieces and nephews and other children not-ones-own are also deep, rich experiences from which an author can be inspired.

Clearly, Maeve Binchy applied her great, full heart to write books that touched and enlightened her readers. There are, after all, many ways to mother, just as there are ways to find fault with women who are not mothers.

A childless author myself, I based my business and passions on loving the children of friends and family who bring joy to my life. I have a deep understanding of human nature and focus on celebrating those who exemplify this nature at its best.

At the end of her 2008 article about her childlessness, Binchy writes of her grown nieces and nephews: "I hope that they knew we loved their company. And if they didn't know, they do now."

We all know now, Auntie Maeve. And we honor you for that and the meaningful and fulfilling life you led despite your pain of not becoming a mother. I'm going to read your books now because clearly you wrote with a deep understanding of human nature and I am sure your heart will shine through on each page.

To learn more about Maeve Binchy, visit the late author's Website. There, you will also find a list of her books, if you are inspired to read them as I am.

July 30, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

When the calendar turns to August, many of us think about how quickly the summer is going. We want to hold onto August - and summer - for as long as we can....

Try to plan at least one surprise for your nieces and nephews this month. Live close by? Enjoy the outdoors by spending time at the beach or a local natural adventure park. City bound? Pretend you are tourists for the day! Auntie Heather Starr-Bagwell did just that with her niece, riding on top of a double-decker bus! Long Distance? If a surprise visit is out of the question, how about sending a few inexpensive summertime toys and playthings like beach balls or bubbles? Older nieces and nephews? How about a road trip? Or invite them to spend the weekend in your town!

Time goes by so quickly, and as Aunties, we not only want to hold onto summer, we want to hold onto our nieces' and nephews' youth. There's little we can do to make time slow down, but we can do our best to make the most of what we have.

Go enjoy August! Make a special effort to make it an August to remember for your nieces and nephews - and yourself!

Want more activity ideas? Check out the Activities section! Have one of your own? Submit it by clicking on the pink SUBMIT button on the lower right.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin,
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

PS: Want to reach me? Send a note to Editor@SavvyAuntie.com !

July 23, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Yesterday was one of the highlights of my career as founder of Savvy Auntie. The 4th annual Auntie's Day was the biggest and best ever.

The Auntie's Day Pposters and eCards were shared literally hundreds of thousands of times. Many Savvy Aunties posted and shared photos and experiences from the day on Twitter and Facebook. And the warmth of the Auntourage toward the day was at times overwhelming to me. I admit I shed a tear or two of pride.

Thank you all for helping to make Auntie's Day a success. And mark you calendars! The 5th Annual Auntie's Day will take place on July 28, 2013!

Join the Auntourage on Facebook and follow me @SavvyAuntie on Twitter to keep sharing and connecting. I can't wait to see you there!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie

Published earlier at HuffingtonPost.com

July 16, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

When I launched Savvy Auntie four years ago, my first mission was to change the way we look at aunts in America today. Often imagined as a relic of a generations past, the term 'aunt' conjured up an image more "Auntique" than that of a modern, cosmopolitan woman. That's not to say I didn't appreciate and honor our Great-Great-Aunts, but where were today's cool, contemporary aunt figures? As I explored this modern segment of American women who are not (yet) moms (The U.S. Census puts us at 47 percent of women through age 44), I realized there are all types of aunts:

Aunties by Relation; Aunties by Choice; Great-Aunties; Godmothers; Cousin Aunties; Long-Distance Aunties; StepAunties; Single Aunties; Married Aunties; ParAunts (aunts who become the parent when one or both parents is no longer able); Straight Aunts, LesbiAunts; Teen Aunties; Child Aunties; Special-Needs Aunties; Teacher or Coach Aunties; Nanny Aunties; Fairy GodAunties and Aunties to the World -- the BenevolAunts who give so much to children they've never met. And there are also the Bon VivAunts, the GourmAunts, the BohemiAunts, the ConfidAunts, the Aunt-Rageous Rocker Aunties, the Crafty Aunties and the eco-loving Auntie Earth, among others. What a diverse group of positive influences for America's children!

Unfortunately, our contributions to the American Family Village often go unnoticed and under-appreciated. My second mission was to change that.

QualAuntie Time

Unlike parenting, there is no legal obligation to 'aunt.' The time we spend with our nieces and nephews is most often always quality time, unencumbered by parental duties like making sure the kids have brushed their teeth, made their beds and done their homework (not to say aunts don't help with that when they can). I've dubbed this time "QualAuntie Time."

When I asked Dr. Rosemarie Truglio, VP of Education and Research at Sesame Workshop, how an Auntie can help develop the minds of our young nieces and nephews, she simply replied: "You're already doing it." By playing with our nieces and nephews, reading to them, even just chatting with them before they can even talk, we are helping them learn, she said. Just by being Auntie, we're helping!

Baking cookies with a niece? That's math and science. Constructing railroad tracks with a nephew? That's helping develop his motor dexterity and his understanding of spatial relations. To that end, Zero to Three, a nonprofit organization that fosters early childhood education, recommends an hour of unstructured play for a young child each day (e.g. tea parties, role-playing, puppet shows). All that pretending actually helps lay the groundwork for developing literacy down the line. And when mom has a newborn to care for, QualAuntie Time with the older sibling(s) is very important, since mom may not have an hour to devote to uninterrupted play with her other kids.

If mom or dad are unable to take all the kids outside (either because it's too hot or cold for baby, someone's sick or they are too busy helping with homework or chores), Auntie can take the others out to play. Kids need more time outside because it helps reduce stress (yes, even little kids have stress) and being in nature -- even the backyard -- helps keep their minds focused (studies show kids with ADHD are more likely to do better in green settings than industrial ones.)

For kids over the age of 2, QualAuntie Time spent co-viewing children's television or a video and sharing lessons learned during and after the show is more productive than mom leaving the child in front of the TV to go about her necessary household duties, and aunties who read a favorite book to their niece or nephew (over and over again) are helping the child learn new words. Pointing out the pictures on the pages helps develop a baby's understanding of shapes, colors, counting and emotions.

Aunthood is a Gift

Aunts by relation or choice give of their discretionary income and time to children-not-their-own in their immediate lives, in their communities and around the world every single day. Every boo boo they kiss, every little hand they hold, every hug they give is a gift. And as far as the other kinds of gifts -- the kind tied up with a bow -- are concerned, an Auntie will often stretch her budget to put a smile on the face of a niece or nephew on birthdays or the holidays. She's also more likely to jump on a plane for Thanksgiving than expect a family of four to travel to her.

Aunts not only give directly; when a co-worker mom leaves work early to tend to a sick child, or when that big assignment is due and working late or over the weekend is necessary, a childless woman is (often expected to be) the one to pick up the extra work so moms can have family time. While this type of help is indirect, aunts deserve to be appreciated for their contributions to the American Family Village in this way, too.

These are just some of the ways aunts give of themselves selflessly.

Sunday, July 22, marks the fourth annual Auntie's Day®. Like the tradition of Mother's Day, Father's Day and Grandparent's Day, it's a day to honor and celebrate the women in the American Family Village who love and give to children not-their-own. On Sunday, give the Auntie in your child's life a call, send her a card, or acknowledge her in whatever way you can to say thank you.

Aunthood is a gift. This day is theirs. And they deserve it.

XOXO,

Melanie Notkin, Founder

July 9, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I cannot believe it’s been four years since the launch of SavvyAuntie.com, and yet I also can hardly remember life before this Website went live. I had set out to design and develop a community for all the cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and all women who love kids not-their-own. Moms and dads have a plethora of resources to refer to but before Savvy Auntie, we aunts by relation and aunts by choice had nowhere to turn. We all want to be savvier about our roles, and so SavvyAuntie.com was born.

I’m proud to say that SavvyAuntie.com has won several awards. It was a 2009 Webby Award Nominee, Best Family Site and has been a Forbes Top 100 Website for Women for 2012 and 2011. And just six months after its launch, SavvyAuntie.com was a Springwise Top 10 Lifestyle Business Idea for 2008 – a global ranking of entrepreneurial ideas both on and offline.

But the greatest reward has been you, the Auntourage. As a self-funded ‘auntrepreneur,’ I rely on the support of the Savvy Auntie community to engage with the site, each other and add your “savvy” through your comments, your Tweets, and on Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie. Your support is what makes me get up each morning with a smile on my face and determination to keep going no matter the challenges!

I’d also like to thank all the extraordinary Savvy Experts, Associate Editors and Savvy Interns who have contributed in invaluable ways to the content in SavvyAuntie.com - unique content designed specifically for aunt and godmothers. And of course, I want take this annual opportunity to show appreciation for the sponsors who value the role of the aunt in the American Family Village - brands like Hasbro, Disney, Tropicana, Hallmark, Olay, Scholastic and so many more.

Finally, a big shout out and thanks to David Finkelstein, the CEO of Quarksoft. Dave was the one who pressed that “red button” to made the site go live that fateful day four years ago. He's been there to support site development and urgent issues since then, any day of the week, any time of day. It’s invaluable to have a great, dedicated and loyal technology leader working with you.

I’m humbled by the last four years and appreciate every single day working for you, the Auntourage. Aunthood is a Gift. Savvy Auntie is Yours.

And don't forget - Auntie's Day is coming up on Sunday, July 22nd!



The Fourth Annual Auntie's Day is Sunday, July 22nd!
Get your posters and eCards here: http://bit.ly/MeKLf2

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

June 25, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties

Melissa looked around the room, a New York City apartment filled with attractive 40-something singles gathered to celebrate yet another birthday. "Look at this," she said pointing at the room with her eyes. "So many amazing men and women.... How are we all still single? Maybe we'll never be married. Maybe we won't have kids." She shrugged and nodded her head thoughtfully. "Will we still be here for each other when we're old?"

The chatter in the room that sweltering 95 degree day was about summer weekends off the Island, the benefits of The Hamptons versus Fire Island and who met who at what bar the weekend before. Singles who live alone move into homes with others for the weekend in the summer, staving off more than the concrete heat of the city. It's simply less lonely.

Jeffery, one half of the newly married couple - the only married couple - there, was ready to leave. "We have to get back to Hoboken," his wife said to explain the early departure. They had moved to New Jersey optimistically, making more room for a baby they hope comes. Our group "tries to have a baby" these days. Everything is done with a coating of optimism and gratitude that the right relationship has potentially come in time.

The crowd of singles that gathered that night seem to many to have it all. They've got the looks (not one unattractive individual - all fit and well-dressed), they've got relative success, they've got the freedom to get on The Hampton's Jitney and take a two-day reprieve. They have no kids to worry about. Their student loans are long paid off. But one thing has eluded them, the men and women alike: The expectation of a life with love, marriage and children.

Americans are marrying later than ever before. And with that, women are having their first birth later than ever as well. But these women are mislabeled as "delayers" or "career women" as if being single and childless at 40 was ever our intention. Women over 30 who want children and are in healthy, loving relationships never say to a marriage proposal: "Let's talk about this in a few years. I have big meeting at work tomorrow."

Their careers are not stopping them from having it all. They are simply and smartly waiting for the right relationship. A 2008 study from the University of Boston Department of Economics entitled: "Are Career Women Good for Marriage?" agrees that the right marriage with the right partner is worth waiting for. ("Career women" is their term, not mine. Career women as opposed to what? Single women who don't support themselves financially?) The authors found that women who marry after age 35 have sought 'quality' marriages and are less likely to divorce:

    "....career women display greater selectivity in the search for marriage partners and greater flexibility in sharing the benefits of a marriage with their partners. Greater selectivity implies that career women will be older when they first marry and that their marriages will be of higher average "quality," possibly making them less prone to breakup. Greater flexibility implies that it is easier for two-earner families to re-adjust the intrahousehold allocation to compensate for changes in outside opportunities, making marriages more resistant to "shocks."

Unfortunately, this does not mean that the right relationship comes in time for every woman (or man) to have the children they wanted. As the end of fertility approaches, nearly 20% of American women remain childless. It's a challenging time as we ask ourselves: Will we find the right relationship before it's too late to have children? (As an aside, the good news is that if we do, women who have their first birth after age 35 are more likely to have more children than the overall average birthrate for women ages 15-44. Plus, we're not alone in late births. Pregnancy rates for women ages 40-44 rose a whopping 65 percent from 1990 to 2008.)

"We thought we'd have it all," Melissa said still shaking her head, referring to the understanding we had as daughters growing up in the 1970s that we'd get the families our mothers had and the social, political and economic equality they didn't. I put my arm around Melissa and gave her a little squeeze. I know too well the moments of grief that come from feeling alone in a room full of people. You don't always get what you want, but as friends, we do our best to give each other what we need.

And no one should ever feel like she's stuck on an island, alone.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin, Founder

Sunday, July 22, is the fourth annual Auntie's Day!

June 15, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties (and Uncles too),

I'm often asked: "What about the uncles?"

Of course we love the uncles here at Savvy Auntie. And I personally know some amazing uncles who are true heroes in the eyes of their nieces and nephews. Savvy Auntie is focused on aunts for the most part (although we do have content for uncles too!), so I thought as Father's Day approaches, to share some thoughts about the uncles.

Like aunts, uncles - especially the single and childless ones - can be overlooked with regard to the positive influence they have on the children in their lives. Many uncles are the "FUncles" - the fun uncles who treat their nieces and nephews to fun adventures. While there are many sporty and adventurous aunts, uncles tend to the ones who take their nieces and nephews to full day sporting events and the ones who aren't afraid of getting their hair and clothes wet with water blasters and paint ball adventures. (That's not to say some Savvy Aunties don't love that too!)

Plus, uncles are the ones the nephews (and nieces!) go to when they don't feel they can go to their dad, or if there isn't a dad around. Many ncles are generous, patient and very kind.

And there are uncles who on Father's Day may feel a little disappointed that they are not fathers too. There are uncles who are suffering from infertility with their wives. There are uncles who haven't found the right woman yet....  And there are uncles who have made the decision not to have children of their own but still contribute enormously to the lives of their nieces and nephews and may feel left out.

So here's to the uncles on Father's Day. It takes a village of women AND men to raise the children. I hope you are recognized by the children and their parents on Father's Day for all the love you give. It's a gift.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie

May  29, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

A couple of weeks ago, I went out to DC to speak to the Toy Industry Association's PlayCon Fly-In conference designed for toy industry professionals.

Five years ago, I knew very little about toys. In fact, my nephew and nieces were part of the inspiration for starting Savvy Auntie. They were mentioning the names of characters and toys I was not aware of and I wondered how it was possible that I was so unsavvy about the things that the children in my life loved?

I dove into the toy industry and researched and met with the toy brands and went to toy industry events and just over a year after launching SavvyAuntie.com in the summer of 2008, I had established the Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Awards so that aunts like you would know what kids crave the most at the holiday season.

And since the day the Website launched, I have filled the Savvy Auntie Gifts section with many of the best toys on the market.

So when I spoke at Playcon and shared how the Savvy Auntourage may be secondary caretakers, but that we are primary gift givers and deserved more attention from the industry, I was amazed at the response. Some of the biggest names in the toy industry were in the room to hear about you: Mattel, Hasbro, LEGO and more...

One of the stand out toy industry experts is Richard Gottlieb, CEO of Global Toy Experts. He shared this very important essay with us and I would love you to read it. It shows how far we are coming - and have yet to go - to get the attention from the toy industry you all so deserve.

Enjoy!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

May 14, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

By now you've seen the controversial Time Magazine cover story about attachment parenting:

From Facebook to Twitter, to mornings shows and late night shows, everyone was talking about whether breast feeding a child close to four years of age is right or wrong.

For Savvy Aunties, the answer is.... whatever his or her parents decide.  It's doesn't mean you don't have an opinion, but it's not for us to share our opinions. As much as we love our nieces and nephews, we are not their parents.  Unless a child's welfare is in danger, parents rule. We don't judge.

But what we can do is learn about the parents' parenting methods (check out "Baby Parenting Secrets, Revealed!" in my book: Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids  (Morrow/HarperCollins) for a quick tutorial on the most popular parenting methods and their gurus, and your role as a Savvy Auntie to help to support the parents' choices.

XOXO,

Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

May 9, 2012

Originally published in Huffington Post

Dear Savvy Aunties,

If you're like me, and always aspired and expected to be a mother, Mother's Day, and the days that precede it, can be a heavy time. With continuous Mother's Day promotions and news stories featuring moms of all ages, shapes and sizes ("It's the hardest job in the world!"), the day can make us feel left out and less-than. For some, Mother's Day is a harsh reminder that the dream of motherhood has not (yet) come true.

I recently asked the Savvy Auntie® Facebook community how Mother's Day makes them feel. Some of the honest and heartfelt responses included: feeling empty, incomplete, sad, lonely and left behind; unimportant, neglected, "anxious about my ticking clock," "not in the club that I assumed I would be in" and "like I'm sitting in a great cloud of sadness -- it's just the most awful day."

There's no doubt that mothers deserve their day to be celebrated and honored. I think of my own late mother on Mother's Day and how I am still grateful 23 years after she's gone to have had such an amazing mom. But for the nearly 50 percent of American women who are childless, especially those who desire motherhood, Mother's Day can feel like our contributions to the children in our lives -- and for some, even children around the world -- are overlooked and unacknowledged.

Being a mother and being maternal are not always the same thing. As one Savvy Auntie commented, "On one hand, I would have loved to have had kids, but on the other, I'm very blessed that the five kiddos who call me aunt are very much a part of my life." And we all know mothers who would rather not have had children (or should not have had children). Still, the former group aches with prideful love with the birth of a niece or nephew -- or any child born to a close friend or relative. They care for these children as they grow and develop with unconditional love and support. I even came up with a term for the value of the time a childless aunt spends with a child. I've dubbed it "QualAuntie Time" because the uninterrupted playtime during Auntie's visit has been proven to support the emotional, social and intellectual development of children.

Every moment an aunt by relation or aunt by choice spends with nieces and nephews is filled with her generosity of spirit and devotion. After all, unlike parenting, there is no legal obligation to "aunt." Every little boo boo she kisses, every little hand she holds, every word of advice she offers, is done with maternal love and is a gift.

In the spirit of Anna Jarvis, the childless aunt of many nieces and nephews, who founded Mother's Day in 1914 in honor of all mothers, living or dead, I hope all the maternal women in children's lives - all the aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and women in general who offer their love to children not-their-own -- are remembered this Mother's Day.

Babies are born from the womb. Maternity is born from the soul. There are many ways to mother.

As the founder of Savvy Auntie, the lifestyle brand for all the cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and all women who love kids, I founded Auntie's Day® in 2009 to honor and celebrate all that these women do for the children in their lives. Occurring annually on the fourth Sunday in July, the fourth annual Auntie's Day will take place on Sunday, July 22.

April 30, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It's hard to believe it's already May. I don't know about you, but New Year's Eve seems like it was just a few weeks ago. On the flip side, it seems like our New Year resolutions are ancient history....

Then again, I don't really dwell on annual resolutions. I do my best to become a better person each day, not just a savvier aunt. This month, I plan to think only positive thoughts and focus straight ahead to my goals. I try to close my ears to the noise around me, like the voices of people who say silly things or who don't behave the way they should. Instead I look at my To Do list and focus on getting my goals accomplished.

I call it my spring clean sweep. It's a much more peaceful way to be, don't you think?

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

April 23, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,


OK ladies, take a breath. You're not the only ones hoping to have a baby or who have given birth to a second or even third child after your fortieth birthday. In fact, you're part of a growing trend of women who do.

According to a new study published by National Health Statistics Reports entitled "Fertility of Men and Women Aged 15-44 Years in the United States: National Survey of Family Growth, 2006-2010," there has been a steep rise in the number of women who gave birth to their first child at age 35-44 who have at least two children -- rising from 26 percent in 1995 to nearly 40% at the time of the report. In fact, the mean number of births to women ages 15-44 is 1.3, but for women who have a child between ages 40 and 44, the mean number of births jumps to 2.1.

Perhaps not surprisingly, nearly 60% of those who did not finish high school were teen mothers compared with just 4% percent of those who have earned a college degree. But on the other side of the spectrum, women who give birth to their first child over age 35 are likely to be college-educated.

Childless women are also among the wealthiest women in America. Nearly half of the women in the highest income category (300% or higher of poverty level) were childless compared with 24% of those in the lowest income category (0-149% of poverty level). (By the way, among mothers, two children seem to be best bet; 25% of women who had a household income of 300% or higher of poverty level had two children.)

But what are women who have higher education and higher income waiting for before becoming mothers? It seems love and marriage. Eighty percent of unmarried women are childless. And of those who are childless, 81 percent plan or hope to have children one day. Only 14 percent of childless women are voluntarily childless, meaning they have no intention of voluntarily having children. About 5 percent are unable to have children.

But Gladys Martinez, PhD and author of the report, told me in an interview that things are changing. "An increasing percentage of women are no longer linking marriage with childbearing," she said. In fact, love is enough for 22% of women whose first births "occurred within cohabiting unions, up from 12% in 2002." Still, college-educated, wealthier women are more likely to be married at the time of their first birth, late as it may have come.

Women are waiting for the circumstances to be right before motherhood. Yes, that may include education and income, but that's hardly all. Given the world of information they have at the time, women make decisions about their fertility and having a man with whom to have children is part of the picture.

Marriage and unions may look different today than they did even a decade ago, but some things never change. Most women are waiting for love before deciding to become mothers. And when it does come, even at late age, many women end up with the 2.1 children they dreamed of. This is the happy ending many women were dreaming of, even if it comes later in their life story than expected.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

April 16, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I've often been asked why I chose to call this brand "Savvy" Auntie. People want to know what exactly makes an aunt "savvy." The answer to me was clear: we - the "Auntourage" - do.

Moms and dads have their circles of friends, family and playground acquaintances, not to mention a plethora of social networks, blogs, books and resources helping to guide them along their journey through parenthood. Until Savvy Auntie came along, we aunts didn't have much to lean onto to know if, how and what we were doing was right. All we had were the opinions of the parents, who until they became parents, had little experience too.

I wanted to empower us all to get more savvy about the children in our lives and our influential roles as aunts, godmothers and secondary caregivers to the children we love. And I wanted us to find a way to connect with each other and share our challenges and advice.

When I first began working on developing this website, I knew Community would play an important role. The Savvy Auntie Forums remain popular and I encourage you all to participate by responding and posting your own challenges or thoughts.

In the meantime, as Facebook grew more and more prolific (Savvy Auntie was conceived of in 2007 and launched in 2008 as Facebook was really growing!)  the Savvy Auntie Brand Page become even more central to the 'Auntourage' and our ability to share our experiences as individuals and collectively. Today, we will reach 80,000 "Fans" on Facebook - quite extraordinary and attributed to YOUR savvy contributions.

Let's continue to share, comment, advise and support each other. That's how parents become more savvy and how we will will continue to, as well.

By the way - I can't help but offer another way to help you become more savvy, Auntie. My book, Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins) is filled with great research and information on how to be savvy about your nieces and nephews - and your own identity as an aunt and a woman who loves children not her own.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and CEO

April 6, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I wish you, your nieces and nephews, and all your loved ones a very happy spring holiday season.

Both Passover and Easter include traditions that engage and entertain the children and these traditions often bring us so much joy and pleasure. We watch them hunt for the Seder 'afikoman' or Easter eggs and remember how just yesterday, we were on the same hunts as children.

Time flies, doesn't it?  But the annual holidays remind us that no matter how much things change, there is so much that stays the same. Love and family, friends and lovers, all remind us of what is most important.

Of course, we don't all have all the people in our lives that we hope for. Some Savvy Aunties are waiting for love. Some are hoping for children of their own. Some are missing a loved one in memory. And some are joining new families and missing their own. Holidays can be tough too, sometimes.

I can say that the Auntourage has personally brought me so much joy and pride and I cannot not help but know that you are all out there, smiling over the phone at a niece or nephew, or enjoying them in person - and knowing whatever the situation, you are Savvy Aunties.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and CEO

March 15, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I’ve always loved my birthday – ever since I was about 4 years old and aware it existed. Over the years, getting older has never been a deterrent from celebrating the day, or the life behind it.

The last few years have been the most significant of my life. Clearly the year my mother died was pivotal. The year moved to New York City was notable, no doubt. And the year I became an aunt – well you know what that led to.

But as I turn 43 and look back at the last 4 or 5 years as I started Savvy Auntie, I realize that no decision in my life has been more meaningful. I wouldn’t say my decision to start my own company was ‘life changing.’ It was “life-realizing.” I began to realize my potential. I began to realize my life’s meaning. I began to realize the authenticity (and universality) of my vulnerabilities and the power of my ability to act on them.

I have never felt more comfortable in my own skin. I have never felt more beautiful or more confident. I have never felt more like the “me” I was supposed to be until now.

And while one may look at this time as “middle age,” I hardly see the center of my lifespan. I see the beginning – the very beginning of my true, authentic life. I’m just getting to the starting line and the race has just begun. I’m the only one on the track; there’s no competition about who will be the better me. The only way I can lose is if I stop.

So I keep going. And I celebrate every turn, every mile, every milestone.

Today I celebrate my life. My authentic journey. There’s no stopping me now.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin

March 6, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I’m not feeling well. Over the past few days, my stomach has been feeling kind of queasy and I’ve had a certain malaise about me.  My mood has been a little off and I’m just not as focused as I usually am.

This morning, it hit me harder, like it’s been building up and building up. It was while scanning Facebook and Twitter, blogs and news sites that I realized what has gotten me feeling so very out of sorts, and giving me what I think might be a case of mild depression. This constant barrage of aggression toward women and our liberties  -- and I don’t mean that with a lean to the left – I mean that with lean toward humanity -- is really, truly, honestly affecting me. I am literally getting sick from it.

American women are being besieged by arrogant men telling us we’re sluts and prostitutes. Today I heard that single mothers are child abusers and that sixth graders are asking each other which of their classmates was attractive enough to rape.

Yesterday, a young mother I know was at a client's home getting ready to leave after completing her work for the day. The client's 17 year old stepson called for her as she was leaving. She obliged in the way caring women want to help a teenage boy. As she got to his doorway, he dropped his pants, held out his unit and told her what he wanted her to do to it. Thank God she was able to run. But the memory is something she cannot run away from fast enough.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY?

To the men who think this is just political discourse, it is not. Your boys are listening and are now thinking it's ok to rape women physically or with their words of intent. Stop. Stop with the vitriol. And frankly, I don’t care what side of the aisle you sit on. Stop getting off on telling women you are judging our morality and taking pleasure in victimizing us.

Don't hide behind politics or behind religion. Instead, use your manhood to get in front of the daughters and nieces and friends and wives and all the women you love, and protect them from this emotional and sometimes physical bullying. It's going too far. It must stop now.

If this whole thing is getting to a perfectly sane, grown woman for whom birth control and single motherhood are not direct issues, then imagine what it’s doing to the women at whom these men are directly wagging their misogynistic fingers. And imagine the girls and women who are becoming victims of the laissez faire "it's just politics as usual" rhetoric. This discourse is having implications that are no longer political. They are very personal.

And they are making me sick.

Melanie Notkin
CEO SavvyAuntie.com

February 27, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Once in a while, we all wish we had an extra day - a free day to do what we want, not what we have to do. With so many responsibilities and obligations to our loved ones, our jobs, our communities, we rarely get the time to cross something off our bucket lists.

This year, we get an 'extra' day. February 29th may seem like just another day at the office, but if you think about it, it's an opportunity to take a leap of faith. Sure, you may not be able to skip work and go sky diving or take your nieces and nephews out of school and get ice cream, but that doesn't mean you can't take this gift, put it in your back pocket, and plan something extraordinary this year. Don't let the day go to waste.

You deserve a leap out of the ordinary. Take it.

XOXO,

Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

February 7, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

When a woman is over age 30, single and childless, people want to know why. Not just her doting parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. Not just the college roommate whose bridal and baby showers she threw ten or fifteen years earlier. Not just her married mom friends chiding her to get on the bandwagon. Not just her co-workers. Not just the nosy neighbor down the street. Just about everyone is just dying to know: What is she waiting for?

But it doesn't seem to matter what her response is because before they've finished asking the question, the same inquisitors have already added their own reasoning:  "Are you too focused on your career?" Or, "Well, you are a career woman

"The term 'career woman,' for which there is no male equivalent (ever hear of a 'career man?"), has taken on a pejorative meaning to women who have not chosen career over having children. Assuming she's made a choice to focus on her career instead of getting married (or finding a life partner) and having children with that partner, is a punch in the gut to the amazing single woman who wants to be a mother. It implies she's cold-hearted, selfish or just completely naïve or in denial about her fertility lifespan. The only proof to the widely-assumed claim that her career is her ultimate focus is that she's got a job.

The "career woman" is a relic of the Women's Liberation Movement 50 years ago, when a woman who sought a career was an anomaly or judged for making what many believed to be a radical political statement of feminism. But today, there are as many women in the workforce as men. It's hardly a feminist statement to have a job. At the very least, it's a statement of being a responsible member of society who pays her bills.

This is not to say that some women do choose to pursue their careers in lieu of the challenges of being a working mother, or delay motherhood for a couple of years to keep her competitive edge in her industry. Some women believe that their dedication to their career, and the good that they are building through their work, is their ultimate legacy. Oprah Winfrey certainly comes to mind. And some women have absolutely no interest in becoming mothers, their careers notwithstanding

But as a woman who always yearned to be a mother, and as one who has been called a 'feminist career woman,' because I am childless, I can tell you that the "career woman" myth is anachronistic at best, hurtful at worst. And any way you slice it, proven to be simply incorrect.

A recent study by the Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology Canada reports that when women were asked about their decision to conceive their first child, 97 percent said that had been waiting to be in a "secure relationship" before having children. Less than 30 percent cited "career goals" as being "very important" to the decision. A similar study, in Australia's Journal of Population Health, reports that childless women in their thirties want to have children, but cannot due to reasons 'beyond their control.' Specific reasons cited include: "not having a partner, not having a stable relationship, or with a partner that did not want children."

Making the choice to wait for love, marriage and a stable relationship is the single most common reason why most single women who want to be mothers are not mothers, barring a biological fertility challenge. The fact that your 35 year old single girl friend just got that promotion and raise she worked so hard for? Well good for her. Freezing her eggs and/or having to go through IVF when the time comes should motherhood not come easy, isn't cheap.

XOXO,

Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

Originally published in Huffington Post Women on January 18, 2012

The grief hit me in my mid-thirties without warning.

By all appearances, my life was fantastic, or pretty close. I had a great job in New York City, good friends, some good dates. But then there were times, lonely days and nights, when I would cry. I would sob. I would lie in bed awake for hours, tears running onto my pillow. I was in mourning, but I didn't know it.

Having experienced the same feeling for a few years, I now know the grief was over being childless, or more poignantly, over the loss of the baby I never held in my arms. By that point in my life I had expected to be married and a mother to at least two kids. I was far from it, still very single, no kids. Passing by a new mother and her infant strolling down Broadway would rattle my womb. Even seeing a woman swollen from seven or eight months of pregnancy would make my petite frame feel invisible and small. The sadness I'd feel around my period was deeper than hormonal. I was mourning the loss of one more chance at the family life I always dreamed of.

And I grieved alone.

Grief over not being able to have children is acceptable for couples going through biological infertility. Grief over childlessness for a single woman in her thirties and forties is not as accepted. Instead, it's assumed we just don't understand that our fertility has a limited lifespan and we are simply being reckless with chance. We're labeled "career women" as if we graduated college, burned our bras and got jobs to exhibit some sort of feminist muscle. Or, it's assumed we're not 'trying hard enough,' or we're 'being too picky.' The latest trend is to assume we don't really want children because we haven't frozen our eggs, adopted or had a biological baby as a single woman.

This type of grief, grief that is not accepted or that is silent, is referred to as disenfranchised grief. It's the grief you don't feel allowed to mourn, because your loss isn't clear or understood. You didn't lose a sibling or a spouse or a parent. But losses that others don't recognize can be as powerful as the kind that is socially acceptable.

Let me be clear. When you're over 35 and heartbroken over a breakup with the guy who you hoped would be 'the one' or haven't had a good date in a while or watch your close friends go on to their second or third pregnancy, it's hard. It's disarming. And sometimes, it's unbearable.

I've always loved being around babies. I couldn't get enough of my own newborn nieces and nephew. Not having my own, I felt like the world, in one big swoop, was moving forward and I was being held back.

Turning 40 helped. Just the anticipation of turning 37... 38... 39 and remaining single was creating more anxiety than anything else in my life. Once I hit 40, I realized that despite my dreams (and deep biological and emotional desire to be a mother), I was still happy for all the other things in my life. Being an aunt was (and will probably always be) my greatest joy. Starting my own business, becoming an author and fulfilling my professional potential have been extraordinarily rewarding.

I'm 42 now, and I've quietly moved on. Becoming a mother at this point would be a very happy surprise. Of course, I still have my moments. That hard-won peace of mind can be interrupted by an unexpected package from a PR agency sending me a newborn baby onesie for promotion. (There's something about a onesie I have no use for that is especially tender). Or when people assume I never wanted kids because I don't have any. Or act surprised when I reveal that I do. Or worse, presume I am happier for being childless or more fortunate for not having to 'worry about kids.' Some have even come to call me "childfree" -- a term coined by those who have chosen never to have children and have no desire to have children, simply because I've 'chosen' to wait for love. I not only have to cope with my circumstantial infertility, but I have to defend my desire to be married to someone I'm crazy about before conceiving. I have to defend why I'm not a mother when it's all I ever wanted to be.

The grief over never becoming a mother is one I will never get over, like the grief over losing my own mother 23 years ago. But like that kind of grief, with time, it's no longer constant or active. Yes, there's still hope I'll meet a man who has the desire to have a baby with me and will be prepared to be with me through the treatments I may need to make that happen. Or grieve with me should they not work. But mainly, I just keep going, looking for love. Thankfully, there's no biological time limit on that dream.

I cautiously hold onto the hope that I may still have a chance to hold my baby in my arms -- and that I am still attractive to men who want children too. I know I'm not alone. I am one of the 18 percent of American women between the ages of 40 and 44 who are childless. Pew Research reports that half of this group has chosen that fate; they are childfree by choice. And the rest of us, about one million American childless women ages 40 to 44, suffer from biological or circumstantial infertility.

How we choose to move on from this grief is now the focus of our own kind of happily ever after. And I must say, I plan for my 'happy' to indeed be ever after. And hopefully, it won't be alone.

January 9, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I'm thrilled to announce that the fourth annual Auntie's Day will take place on Sunday, July 22nd!



Click here for the press release!


Aunthood is a gift. This day is yours.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

December 20, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

There are a series of milestones Western society views as steps a female takes toward full-fledged womanhood.  The first stage starts with the beginning of menstruation around age 12 ½, then goes on to the wearing of a bra, (the next items are in no particular order) then makeup, a driver’s license, losing virginity, getting a degree, finding a job…  and then the real clinchers, marriage and children.  The first is unavoidable. The next group, while not compulsory, is not unusual. The latter two, marriage and children, can be one’s choice to avoid, one’s choice to do, or one’s choice to hope for. But motherhood weighs the heaviest in attitudinal perception of womanhood.

In a new report published last month by Springer Science+Business Media, LLC:  ‘Unnatural’, ‘Unwomanly’, ‘Uncreditable’ and ‘Undervalued’: The Significance of Being a Childless Woman in Australian Society,  authors Stephanie Rich, Ann Taket, Melissa Graham, Julia Shelley Published studied the experiences of childless women in contemporary Australia. The study revealed five recurring themes:  woman = mother; notions of ‘natural’ and ‘unnatural’; childlessness as a discrediting attribute; feeling undervalued; and the significance of being childless.

With no American similar study of late, I was curious to learn what Australian women were experiencing whether they chose to be childless, whether they cannot conceive, or whether they, like me, were awaiting a mate with whom to have children. Like in Australia, more American woman are childless than ever before.  Over forty-seven percent of U.S. women are not mothers by age 45. And when we do have children, it’s later in life than ever before. The White House Report: Women in America (March 2011) reports that “there has been a steep rise in the share of women age 25–29 who have not had a child, rising from 31 percent in 1976 to about 46 percent in 2008.” Furthermore, the “likelihood of a woman having her first child at age 30 or older increased roughly six-fold from about 4 percent of all first-time mothers in the 1970s to 24 percent in 2007.” About one fifth of American are childless between ages 40 and 44.

And yet, as the Australian study sets out to show, childlessness is not yet understood or seen as a norm. Western society is pronatalist. Our society expects people to get married and have children. Those who are not married and/or do not have children are considered anomalous. Having babies is perceived as natural; it’s what women do. The study states: “….womanhood and motherhood come to be seen as synonymous identities and facets of experience. Thus for women, parenting and the act of mothering are not only presented as desirable, but are in fact seen as the natural expression of their ‘femininity’. While motherhood has been recognized as mostly undervalued in society through holding little material or social status, non-motherhood is often granted even lower prestige. As such, the lives of Australian childless women are further influenced by prevailing motherhood discourses, in which women without the desire (voluntary), ability (involuntary) or opportunity (circumstantial) to have children, may be seen as abnormal and unfeminine.”

The effect on women is profound. In the first theme the researchers uncovered - ’ woman=mother’ -respondents felt that by their forties, they were presumed mothers, or presumed unhappy if known not to be. It’s assumed that if you are a woman, you are meant to be a mother. Period. Women are also made to feel that their bodies exist only as vessels for childbirth. Women in the study explained that moms even get to own the negative stuff, like stretch marks and sagging breasts. But these are changes that can occur to any woman who ages or doesn’t keep in shape. In effect, not being mothers affected the way society views these women’s adult-femininity.

The study shares how childless women are meant to feel ‘unnatural,’ when they reach a certain age. Until we are in our later fertility years, being childless is natural. Most would not say it’s natural for a young woman to be a mother at 14. Childlessness is the state in which a girl is born. But once she reaches her mid thirties, she is judged for that natural being. “It’s not natural!” is the popular refrain.

The women in the study also felt discredited for their childlessness.  Childlessness is an “attribute they felt was associated with being selfish, and having lesser care or compassion.” As the founder of Savvy Auntie, the media company designed for the nearly 50 percent of American women who love the children  in their lives but are not mothers themselves, I know for a fact that most women are generous, giving and full of compassion for children they did not give birth to. But yet, they are discredited for this simply because they are generous with other people’s kids, not their own.

Which is why the fourth theme resonates so much with me: “feeling undervalued.” First, in this pronatalist society, mothers are lifted to a new echelon in society, with popular refrains like “There’s no more important job than motherhood!”  In fact, the study states that “childless women have often been stereotyped as having either no time for, or spending no time with, children; consequently, they are perceived as having no understanding of children.”  Again, I can tell you from my research for my book, SAVVY AUNTIE, that this is blatantly untrue. In fact, I even given a name to the valuable time an aunt spends with a child because it’s that influential. I’ve dubbed it “QualAuntie Time.”

Finally, the significance of being labeled “childless” weighed on how the women in the study felt perceived by society. There is little positivity in the word; no one wants to be made to feel less than anything. (I have gone on to use the term “childfull” since Savvy Aunties choose to love the children in their lives. I realize it’s not a perfect solution, but it feels like a much more proactive state than being ‘less than’ anything.)

When I share the data about childlessness in America, many, even those focused on marketing to women, are surprised. The perception is that the societal norm for women is motherhood. Truth is, we’re only half way there.

To those who have anything in common with the women in this Australian study, let me assure you of this: babies are born from the womb, but maternity is born from the soul. There are many ways to mother. And when our society begins to view us as valuable and significant contributors to society and the American Family Village, we all win. Especially the children.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and author, Savvy Auntie

November 28, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Donny Deutsch, ad man-turned cable TV show host-turned morning show expert on just about anything, looked straight into the camera. Normally, he'd be looking at Savannah Guthrie, the Today Show moderator of the curiously popular (and yet curiously entertaining) "Today's Professionals" segment to share his opinions. But this morning, Donny seemed to have something especially important to say.

The recurring segment, a panel of three opinionated professionals:  Star Jones, Esq.; Nancy Snyderman, M.D.; and Donny, is filled with banter about the hot topics of the day, refereed by Guthrie to get to the next hot topic as the segment time counts down quickly. But with this topic, about whether or not women are naïve about their fertility lifespan, Donny wanted the viewing audience to hear him loud and clear. His message was directed to the single women of a certain age still hoping to find a mate and have a child. It went something like this: "Don't wait any longer," he warned as he stared into the camera. "Have a baby on your own." Then, to add a bonus to his big idea, he says: "Trust me, men will find you even more attractive if you do."

Guthrie, who is reportedly separated from her husband of six years and who will turn 40 in December, is childless. She seemed visibly uncomfortable with the topic from the start, clear to point out she is well-aware of her fertility math and believes most women are. Nevertheless, she dutifully asked the panel for their thoughts.

Jones, close to 50 and divorced, said not having children was her greatest regret. Dr Nancy, a mother in her late 50s, blamed the cliché go-to reason, women's career drive. And the debonair Donny Deutsch, who fathered his last child at age 49, was telling single women what to do.

American Women are having children later than ever. Forty-six percent of women ages 25-29 are childless, compared with 31 percent in 1976. Fourteen percent of first-time moms are age 35 or older. And nearly one-fifth of women 40-44 are not mothers.  Research indicates that half of the latter group is simply waiting for Mr. Right. This new fertility phenomenon, first blamed on career, now blamed on naiveté, is what's spurned a new trend in voluntary single motherhood. Forty one percent of mothers are unmarried (we don't know, however, how many are in committed relationships with the baby's father, a la Natalie Portman and fiancé Benjamin Millepied who had a son, Aleph, together earlier this year). That's compared with just 5 percent of moms who were unwed in 1960. Overall, Pew Research states that as recently as 2008, <a href="http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2010/11/18/the-decline-of-marriage-and-rise-of-new-families/6/" target="_hplink">69 percent</a> of all Americans thought single women having children on their own is a bad thing- an opinion point that increases to 75 percent when you single out the married people. (To be clear, I'm part of the minority who thinks otherwise.)

A few of acquaintances of mine, accomplished women in their late 30s and early 40s, have decided to become single mothers. Without a mate in site, each determined it was 'now or never' to have the baby they desired. One, the recent mother of twins, went so far as to start a business to service single women with resources on how to have a baby on their own. Others remain somewhat secretive of their pregnancy, presumably avoiding questions and judgment.

But lately, it's women like me who feel judged for not taking the same route. "You could always have a baby on your own," goes the popular refrain.  But this exchange, which once sounded well-meaning and hopeful, has become filled with a more stern sense of warning about never becoming the biological mothers we dreamed of if we don't go ahead and, as Donny so over-simply put it, have a baby on our own.

When did voluntarily becoming a single mother become the barometer for one's deep desire to be a mother? Since when did having a baby on one's own mark a woman's levels of attractiveness to men or rank her bravery?

The day after the Today Show segment, I was having coffee with my friend "Jon," a 40-something divorced dad who does not date women who want to have a children, although he dates women with children already. He simply has no desire to become a father again himself. I reported that I felt frustrated by Donny's remark. After all, how would I have a baby without back up? My mother is no longer alive. My father lives in another country. My brother has children of his own to worry about... How could I earn a living and raise my baby - let alone be available for the baby? You can't easily be a stay-at-home-mother and pay the rent on that home without a partner.

 "I've recently been dating a woman who had a kid on her own at age 41," Jon replied.  She's a social worker at a New York City public school and frankly I was curious about how she could afford to do it. Slowly but surely, after I visited her three-bedroom Upper East Side apartment and heard of her Hamptons home, I could tell she came from a wealthy family. I guess it helps if you have parents who can lend a hand and a mortgage."

Oh Donny. It was the very same year his hit "The Big Idea" TV show about entrepreneurship first aired on CNBC that I was starting my own company, Savvy Auntie. One of the reasons I started the business was that I knew there was no way I could be a single mother and earn enough income working in corporate America to support the child. The women who earned enough at my former employer traveled once or twice a month for days at a time. And we all stayed in the office well past 7 P.M., often even well into the night. I started my business thinking that if I did choose to have a child on my own, I could potentially have a chance of being available to pick her up from preschool or make his parent-teacher night on time. But that is still not within reach for me.

I don't discredit Donny's idea that men are attracted to women who have a baby on their own. Motherhood and bravery look good on most women. Plus, it takes the pressure off the men one dates to get married and have children before the woman's clock stops ticking. But isn't it enough that I lose points for my womanhood by not being a wife and mother? Must I also lose my attraction for not choosing to have a baby on my own? And why, despite how I started a company to show the value aunts and godmothers play in the American Family Village, is my desire for a child of my own discounted with: "So you don't want children?" simply because I haven't met a man with whom to have children.

Like Jones, remaining childless may be my greatest regret. And I know, like the judgment from Nancy, it will always be presumed I put career before motherhood, or my life before a life that may never begin.

After Donny's camera-centered remarks, Guthrie changed the topic to the final topic of the day, Donny's 54th birthday. A cake was rolled on set and the panel celebrated the happy occasion. Dr. Nancy swiped a little icing from the side of the cake. Jones smiled through her regret. Guthrie seemed happy the segment was over. And I went back to work.

Here's to all the brave women who choose to proactively have a child on their own. And here's to the brave souls who haven't - the ones who believe you cannot, in fact, have your cake and eat it too.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

Originally posted in Huffington Post Women

It was earlier this year when I met Elizabeth at Rm. Fifty5 in the Dream Hotel in Midtown Manhattan. We were there to toast Melissa, a single 40-year-old woman finishing her final treatments for breast cancer. There was so much promise in the air.

Elizabeth, a stylish and attractive woman in her mid-forties who looks much younger than her real age, was also a recent survivor -- not only of breast cancer, but of over a year of unemployment. And she was thrilled. She was about to begin working a few weeks later at a company founded by and designed for women that supports, of all things, women's health. It sounded like the perfect job for Elizabeth, a true survivor.

Six months later, Elizabeth was at a newer job when she called me.

"I have something to tell you," she said, "something I know you'll appreciate considering your audience." Elizabeth knows I write about subjects that concern women without children. She imagined her issue would be best shared with me.

The timing couldn't have been better, I thought to myself when I heard her voice. The week before I had gone for my first mammogram. I'm 42 and had been pushing off making an appointment. But I had finally "gotten it over with" and a week had passed when I realized I was probably in the clear. But in the eleventh hour of that week, a woman with a Brooklyn accent called to tell me they needed more pictures of my left breast and a unilateral breast sonogram. I was doing my best impression of stoicism as I took down the address of the doctor's office again as I completely blanked on where it was, even though I had just been there a week prior.

I hung up the phone with the nurse and wondered what might happen if indeed I had breast cancer. Just days earlier, 38-year-old E! star, Guiliana Rancic, announced on "The Today Show" that she and her husband Bill were putting off her fertility treatments because it was discovered she has breast cancer. "I will be OK, because I found it early," she told Ann Curry and the rest of the nation, holding back tears.

As a single woman, I felt alone for the first time since I had been diagnosed with MS in 2005. There's nothing like a diagnosis to make one feel more single than ever. In that moment, I was somewhat envious of Giuliana because she has Bill, and he'd been by her side throughout the news and later, her lumpectomy. I, like Elizabeth, would go through this alone, if I were diagnosed.

I looked in the bathroom mirror as my eyes filled with water and worry. But there was no time for self-pity. My work day was not over. And besides, in less than 24 hours I'd know my fate. There was nothing I could do but go on as if nothing happened. I blew my nose, threw on some red lipstick (red lipstick always makes me feel more powerful), and went to a business cocktail meeting. I was grateful for the distraction and the Grey Goose and tonic.

It was the next morning, before my follow up appointment, when Elizabeth called. I found it possibly telling that Elizabeth had something to tell me.

"I resigned from my position at [XYZ company]. I was treated so poorly there as a single woman without children. I thought you'd want to know my story."

I looked at the clock. I had time before my appointment. I was happy for another well-timed diversion.

"My position entailed global responsibilities that, similar to previous roles, sometimes required accommodating conference calls on nights or weekends. I was familiar with the drill, however, and previous employers, knowing the hours I was putting in, had always been flexible when it came to my leaving a bit earlier or coming in a little later when I needed to. I was comfortable with this routine, but I was hired eight weeks later than we had originally agreed to and by then, I had breast reconstruction surgery scheduled for November."

I felt my left breast, wondering how I would feel if it ever had to be removed. Would I ever feel comfortable being intimate again? I would hope a husband would still want me no matter what, but a new man? What would he think? I let go of my breast, along with that thought, and continued to listen to Elizabeth.

"Since I had scheduled the next phase of my reconstructive surgery six months earlier, well before undergoing an extensive interview process, I was in workout-mode, knowing I would be unable to exercise for four to six weeks after the procedure. One evening I left the office at 5:30 p.m. to take to a spin class, then have enough time to pick up dinner and still be home in time for an 8:30 p.m. call with the overseas team.

"The next day, my boss casually passed a comment that left me cold. Essentially I was told that just because she sometimes left work early in order to relieve her nanny, it didn't give me the right to leave at the same time as well. Not only was I blindsided by such a blatant double standard, but that this could occur within an organizational culture dominated by women completely blew my mind. As a single and committed professional over forty without children, it was deemed unacceptable for me to have commitments or responsibilities outside of work. It was then that I decided to reveal the nature of my upcoming surgery scheduled for later that fall so that she might understand the reasons behind my early departure and that I was in fact dedicated to my job.

"Needless to say, my boss, a married woman with children, was unimpressed with my need to take any time for myself, much less taking two full weeks off for surgery. From that day forward, she showed her lack of respect for me and following my surgery, she began imposing unrealistic and unreasonable deadlines on me. I did my best to meet the ever-changing expectations, but eventually I decided I could no longer work there and fortunately, I found a part time job to keep me going."

I was shocked. How could an American company with a female consumer base, steeped in supporting women's health, not support a breast cancer survivor? Why is motherhood the only acceptable reason for leaving the office before 6:00 P.M.? If Elizabeth had been a mother with breast cancer, would the company have been more sympathetic?

Elizabeth will never have children of her own. Upon diagnoses of breast cancer at age 42, her doctor asked Elizabeth if she wanted to freeze her eggs. Her doctor was clear. Because her cancer had been estrogen-positive, there could be risks associated with a pregnancy. Elizabeth told me that she immediately laughed at the question. She had decided in her 30s that being a single parent was not the right option for her, not to mention being a single parent who had a short period of time in which to rid herself of cancer and then find the time (and money) it would take to have a baby by surrogacy. She responded no, immediately and emphatically. She had always wanted children. But not alone. Not like this.

Thankfully I do not have to make that decision. Three hours after my call with Elizabeth, the radiologist walked into my examination room, shook my hand and said "Your breasts are fine." And I went home. I went back to working on my business. I went back to my life as I knew it.

Elizabeth has a new job. She's working for a boss who has no issue that she'll take off two weeks this month for her final surgery which should make her look and feel like the woman she was before her mastectomy. By Thanksgiving, Elizabeth told me, she'll be ready to get back to work, back to dating and back to spinning. She knows that as a single woman without children, her life outside of work will not always be considered as important as those of women who are mothers.

And yet, she's proven that her life is worth fighting for. She's a survivor. In more ways than one. And that, in my opinion, is what truly singles her out.

Dear Savvy Aunties,

There are many models in New York City.

We take the subway with them, marvel at their tall skinny legs in high waisted jeans as they walk up Spring Street, and we wonder if they are a bold face name we should know. Today, every model is deemed a supermodel. But we know that's just not true.

If you were there in the 1990's when the term "supermodel" became super popular befitting only the most prominent models like Linda Evangelista, Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell, then Claudia Schiffer and Kate Moss, you knew the name Christy Turlington. Christy was the kind looking one with the kind smile and kind eyes. Christy was all-the-way gorgeous, and you couldn't imagine her looking older.

I met Christy recently at the Avon Fragrance "Step Into Sexy" launch at Beauty's on Essex on New York City's Lower East Side. Christy is the spokes-model for the fragrance which, having tested it, smells kind of perfect. It's not to sweet, not too powdery. It's a perfect, every day fragrance that can make your every day feel sexy.

Under the lamps and flashbulbs, Christy and I exchanged hellos and nice-to-meet-yous. I was in awe. She didn't get older one bit. She's simply stunning. And yes, true to her image, perfectly kind.

XOXO,

Melanie Notkin

Photo: Melanie Notkin and Christy Turlington at the Avon Fragrance Step into Sexy launch. Dimitrios Kambouris for Getty Images

November 7, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I founded Savvy Auntie to not only provide resources for aunts, but also so that, like moms and dads at the sandbox, we'd have a place to connect and share our own experiences. This way, we can all become savvier aunties through each other's knowledge and advice. I've dubbed our community the "Auntourage."

If you're on Twitter, please follow me @SavvyAuntie. Since August, 2007, even before the launch of SavvyAuntie.com, I've met so many aunts and godmothers who share their good news and sometimes some hardships with me there. They ask questions, offer answers, and often enough, the aunts find and connect with each other.

If you haven't already, please connect with Savvy Auntie on Facebook. 72,000 Savvy Aunties are there now which is incredible! Of course, right here in our Savvy Auntie  Community section, the Forums are filled with experiences and questions from members of the community. I encourage you to respond or post your own.

I'm so thrilled that Savvy Auntie finally enables those who love the children in their lives to connect with others who do as well. I'm so happy you are all part of the Savvy Auntourage.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

October 24, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Part of being a Savvy Auntie is to not only be a positive influence for the children our lives, but also trying to be a good influence to children all over.

Last week, I was invited to spend some time with students at Bread and Roses High School in Harlem and share how I started my company, Savvy Auntie, and hopefully open their minds to a different type of career. I was invited by Ardella McClarty, founder of Young Smiling Faces.

The students were great. They listened attentively, asked great questions and I feel that some were truly inspired. But I wanted these kids to take away more from this than the possibility of starting their own businesses one day. I wanted to share some important lessons too.

I told them to save for their dream and not to squander earned income at the beginning of their careers on ephemeral, material things. I want them to focus on their dreams - whether that dream was to start a business or to just have enough money to take a plane for a athletic try-out or buy a new suit for a job interview.

I reminded them that one day they will graduate high school and many will graduate college but not to think of graduation as the end of learning, but the beginning. Another word for graduation is commencement, which means the beginning. School teaches them how to read, but then when they leave school they need to read on their own. I encouraged them to read one book a month. If they want to become the next Steve Jobs, then read his biography which is coming out now.

I told them not to listen to anyone who doesn't believe in them - even family members. Family loves us and doesn't want to see us take a risk only to fail. But they can also keep us away from going forward with our dreams. If you don't believe in yourself, no one else will, I said.

At the end of the class, some of us took a photo together. It was such a joyful moment to pose for a picture with so many kids with so much promise. Here's to them!



XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

October 17, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I’ve had three prescriptions for mammograms over the last year and a half. And until the last one, I made excuses why I don’t need to have one.

First of all, I don’t feel any lumps when I self-examine. (Of course, if you feel a lump, it might be malignant, and a mammogram picks up lumps before you can feel them. And the earlier you find cancer, the better the prognoses.)

Secondly, I have no family history of breast cancer. But while the risk is higher for those women who do, 85 percent of women who get breast cancer don’t have a family history.

Thirdly, newer reports say that women don’t need mammograms until they are 50, not at the age of 40 as we’ve come to know. But one in eight invasive breast cancer patients are younger than age 45.

And then I read this on cancer.org, the Website of the American Cancer Society, an important note for all Savvy Aunties who do not (yet) have children:

"Women who have had no children or who had their first child after age 30 have a slightly higher breast cancer risk. Having many pregnancies and becoming pregnant at a young age reduce breast cancer risk. Pregnancy reduces a woman's total number of lifetime menstrual cycles, which may be the reason for this effect."

I pulled out photos of my nieces and nephew on my iPhone. Then I watched video I took of them playing and telling me how much they love me... and I then used that phone to call and make an appointment for my first mammogram. It’s Wednesday of this week.

There’s no better way to show your nieces and nephews you love them than to love yourself.

If your doctor has recommended you get a mammogram, don’t put it off any longer. Your nieces and nephews are counting on you. And now I am too. Join me.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

October 10, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I'll keep it short and sweet this week.... It's October and we're nearing the end of 2011. Have you done everything you planned for your nieces and nephews this year? Did you spend more time with them when possible? Did you call, email or text them as much as you hoped you would? Did you teach them some valuable lessons? Did you take the time to stop and simply enjoy the moments?

This is life. This is the time. Take it. Enjoy it. And remember what a gift it is....

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

With the recent New York Magazine cover story making hoopla out of the growing age of first time moms, a recent study out of the department of human genetics at the University of Nijmegen in the Netherlands, shows that men get too old to have kids sans-risk to their offspring too.

The study, published earlier this week by the Journal of Medical Genetics, reports that men who father children 'late in life' are more likely to pass on gene mutations that cause intellectual disabilities in their children than younger dads do. Children with lower IQs, as well as congenital abnormalities, were found to have "copy number variations" in genes that were handed down by their fathers.

Jayne Hehir-Kwa, author of the study, goes on to report that fathers are more likely than mothers over all to be responsible for gene aberrations.  In an interview with WomensHealth.gov, Hehir-Kwa said: "While it is commonly known that the risk of birth defects such as Down Syndrome increases with maternal age, this study shows that an increased paternal age is also an important factor."

It's important to note that it's not just about age when it comes to fertility health for men and women. The Reproductive Science Center of New England states that men are responsible for 40 percent of all fertility problems among American couples. Women are responsible for another 40 percent, and 20 percent are for reasons unknown.

So why are women the ones to bear all the age and fertility issues on their ovaries' shoulders? Why is all the pressure (read: judgment) on women for reproductive health and timeliness?  Why is the late Tony Randall a king for having children in his late seventies, while women in their forties are often judged irresponsible?

Eight years ago almost to the day, I was heading into synagogue for the Yom Kippur Kol Nidre service, one of the most holiest times of the year for Jews. I noticed an acquaintance, a single guy a couple years older than my 34 years, approach me. As expected, we exchanged Jewish New Year wishes and the unspoken 'I-hope-you-find-love-this-year' glances. Then he said the following which jolted me out of my spiritual consciousness: "I wanted to set you up with this great guy, but you're too old." And with that, he smiled the haughty "I'm-going-to-find-a girl-in-her-twenties-to-marry" smile (which he did at age 40), turned on his heels, and left me standing there. On the Day of Judgment.

No child should suffer intellectual or physical abnormalities linked to his or her parents' DNA. No couple or individual should suffer from infertility if having children is their goal. And no woman should suffer the arrogance of men who feel that they have all the time in the world to have children risk-free - or the judgment of anyone, man or woman, for when she is (finally) able to have children. It seems more than ever, it truly takes two to tango. For better or for worse.

September 27, 2011

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Dear Savvy Aunties,

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It’s true, there are a number of daily and weekly deals programs out there – but none are designed specifically for Savvy Aunties! I curate the deals that suit your Savvy Auntie lifestyle, best. Whether it’s great deals on gifts for your nieces and nephews, or a fabulous find just for you, I’ve got you in mind. And I only share deals with which I am truly Smitten.


The Smitten by Savvy Auntie weekly deals will be posted on SavvyAuntie.com weekly, as well as on Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie and on Twitter.com/SavvyAuntie. Soon, we’ll have a way for your to sign up for a weekly email to get Smitten right in your in box!

To find this week’s Smitten by Savvy Auntie deal, click here! Or bookmark this page and check back weekly for your chance to be Smitten too!  http://bit.ly/SmittenAuntie

I sat in the theater biting my tongue. In the newly released film, "I Don't Know How She Does It" about the challenges of a working mother, Sarah Jessica Parker's character Kate Reddy describes her female, child-phobic junior associate, Momo , as a "robot" and went on (and on) to point out how 'cold,'  yet dedicated and hardworking she is, throughout the movie.

Why is it that the modern mom can love children and her career but the childless woman can only love her career? Is this modern feminism or a new modern myth? And are cliché characters like Momo--played by actor Olivia Munn -- reflective of a common antagonism overburdened moms have for those without children? In America today, has feminism morphed into mommyism? More importantly, are we all losing something because of it?

I became an aunt a decade ago, and from the moment I heard that my sister-in-law was expecting, I experienced the deepest, unconditional love for a child-not-my-own.  Now, as Auntie Melanie to many more, there is nothing I would not do for my nephew and nieces. While not a mother myself due to circumstance - not choice -  I have, and have always had, strong maternal instincts for children.  And as the founder of SavvyAuntie.com, the community designed for the nearly 50 percent of American women who are not mothers but love the children in their lives, by relation and by choice through friendship, I see evidence of thoughtful and selfless dedication to others' children every single day.  Some in the tribe, what I've dubbed the "Savvy Auntourage," even go as far as to take over as "ParAunt" when the mother is deemed incapable - seems not every mother is maternal.

That's why instead of labeling women without kids as "childless," I prefer to say we're "childfull" because we choose to love the children in our lives.

Yet, even in our modern, politically correct society, the auntie--when she is a woman without children of her own,  is often made to seem cold, selfish, pathetic, or "less than" and often called a "career woman." Or, she's depicted as a high-flying, eccentric "Bon VivAunt" with little care for anyone or anything of true value.  How can this woman, when everything she does for a child-not-her-own is a generous gift, ever be called selfish? How can this woman, who is every other woman in the United States, be an oddball?

Helen Gurley Brown asked similar questions about the single girl 50 years ago with her revolutionary 1962 book Sex and the Single Girl. "Nobody was championing [single women]," Brown said in a 1967 interview. "Volumes had been written about this creature, but they all treated the single girl like a scarlet-fever victim, a misfit, and . . .  you can't really categorize one-third of the female population [a figure that's only grown since then] as misfits."

Like Ms. Gurley Brown, I set out to start a movement with Savvy Auntie. After all, we're talking about a pretty influential segment of women, culturally, politically and financially. Single, married, gay or straight, and childless by choice, by circumstance, by biology, by stage of life, we are the other half of American women. I dubbed this segment "PANK®: Professional Aunt No Kids."

As I mention in my book, Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (William Morrow), there is something purely magical about the relationship between an aunt and the children in her life. But it's more than just that universal visceral feeling children get from being around Auntie, and it's certainly more important than the cool gifts we often shower on them. The magic we sprinkle on children is the exact kind that is critical to the children's cognitive, social and emotional development - and their future academic success. Seemingly non-magical moments like reading to a niece, building a castle of blocks with a nephew, or even simply paying attention to a child, is extraordinarily impactful. As Dr. Rosemarie Truglio, VP Research and Education, Sesame Workshop, explained to me: "Auntie time IS quality time." Time not dedicated to chores, homework and quotidian things like eating and brushing teeth - things parents are obligated to ensure happens -- but rather the joy of uninterrupted play, is what is so crucial here.  I've since dubbed this time 'QualAuntie Time.'

It's not just time with the children that make Auntie's role important. The PANK makes sacrifices, contributing to the family village indirectly by working later, on the weekend or on holidays (as depicted in the movie) so a co-worker mom can spend more time with her children. She may contribute part of her discretionary income toward a niece's or nephew's education, extra-curricular activities, even their first trip aboard.  And while this woman may be highly valued within her immediate family and circle of friends, in the greater, national conversation about family, she is woefully underrepresented and underappreciated. And sadly, she is often mythologized into a stumbling, child-phobic "robot" that lacks any emotion or maternal instinct until the very moment she becomes a mother herself.

To draw a line between those with children and those without isn't constructive and certainly doesn't help the children.

Here's the truth about aunthood. Unlike parenting, there is no legal obligation to "aunt." Aunthood is a gift. It's a gift to the children who never suffer from too much love. It's a gift to today's overburdened parents who can always use more hands and hearts when it comes to their kids. And it's a gift to us because it is one of the wonderful things that fills our lives with joy, love and purpose.

We do love the children in our lives. And in one way or another, we all contribute to a mom's ability to do it all. Now isn't that an idea we can all warm up to?

September 5, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I admit I’m guilty of looking in the mirror and feeling grateful that there is not a wrinkle on my 42 year old filler-free face. I am even more thankful for a cluster of monthly zits, a possible sign that some of my more youthful hormones are still functioning. In the full-length mirror, I am proud of my svelte, toned body with a BMI of a healthy 30 year old. And I cherish the wide-eyed response when I openly reveal my age to anyone who cares.

I refuse to pack away hope of a still-fertile-self with my miniskirts and graphic Ts. While I surely know that I may not fall in love in time to conceive a child – (Assuming the man I love wants a child. Assuming the man I love can have children himself) – I will not give up hope.  And yes, I will look for signs that it’s still possible for me to have a baby by the only evidence I can see – a youthful reflection. (By the way, the younger me who wore miniskirts and graphic Ts was too young to learn about freezing her eggs and too close to her mom’s generation to believe that would ever be necessary anyway.)

I have everything else I could ever want. I’m building the company of my dreams. I have some of the most fantastic people in New York City in my circle of friends. I’ve crossed a few things off my bucket list (best-selling author, for example) and I am madly in love with my nephew and nieces. Aside from not getting married and having children, I am happy that I am living life to my fullest potential within my control.

“We warned you!”

But I live in a world of Schadenfreud, in all places, New York City, where women over 40 are as often single and childless as they are powerful, beautiful, and fit. This 40-something city-dweller, the woman who to others has everything (minus the husband (or wife) and baby), is picked on, curiously, by none other than the newspaper she loyally wakes up to every morning.

“Are You as Fertile as You Look?” sears the headline in last week’s The New York Times Thursday Styles section, one of several articles that paper and others have published in recent years on the growing group of women over 40 still hopeful they can have children – seemingly because fertility and infertility are fashionable topics these days – although I bet a story on male infertility would be found in Tuesday Health.  The story describes childless and child-hopeful 40 plus year old women who believe that their youthful appearance might be a reflection of their inner fertility goddess, making it easier to conceive at this later age once they’ve finally found the man they want to marry.  In a condescending manner, the piece (and many of the comments attributed to it) laughs at the subjects with gleeful “Schadenforty:” Their eggs are cooked; their wombs are vacant; their bet is lost; they waited too long.  The underlying truth is that some of those who succeed at love and children enjoy wagging a “we warned you” finger at the 40-something woman’s career, ability to pay for her home, clothing and occasional spa day, and her healthy-looking demeanor to say: “Who does she think she is? She’s naïve to think she’ll be able to have what we do.”

Like one of the experts the article cites in reference to “42 ½” year old Jennifer Aniston and her optimistic quotes alluding to having a baby one day, The New York Times wants to “reach over the table and throttle [us]” simply for being optimistic. By the way, I think Jennifer Aniston did her share of feeling throttled when the potential father of her children left her to have children with another woman. And was the “1/2” added to her 42 years an extra little ‘zets’ for thinking she could actually conceive with every passing month?

Between naiveté and pessimism

So why the kick when we’re down on luck and love? Let’s put aside that a healthy lifestyle can at the very least help, not hinder, the fertility of a woman in her later thirties and forties. And certainly keeping herself attractive can help her find a man with whom to try to get pregnant.  Plus a childless woman at 40 may have the earning potential to have saved enough money to afford IVF or other procedures to help preserve or extend her fertility. She’s prepped and ready to go when the light on love turns green.

The mind is a very powerful thing and so perhaps the most essential tool for preserving her fertility is found somewhere between the naiveté New York media would admonish her for, and complete cynical pessimism the same media would have her believe.  That happy medium is optimism and it’s what keeps us sane, hopeful and happy. While not a cure for infertility at any age, it’s a welcome ingredient when we’re finally able to get cooking. The hopeful optimism that one day an equally optimistic OBGYN will place a newborn infant on our chest, and welcome our legacy into the world with a high five for not letting anyone convince us it was impossible, is what we really see in the mirror.

The collective vitriol against women in their later years of fertility for their hope in being able to conceive is what’s getting old, while our happy optimism is keeping us 40-somethings young – and dare I say, wrinkle-free.

August 22, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I can remember my first day of kindergarten. There were lots of kids I didn’t know, a teacher who seemed pretty and nice, and a peanut butter sandwich with the crusts cut off waiting for me in my new red lunch box, care of mom.  Within days, I had come to enjoy the rhythm of the morning, often ending with story time seated in a circle with my new friends. Miss Scarf read aloud and in one memorable moment, came to a word I’d never heard before. “Do you know what a design is?” she asked the kids. Thankfully, I wasn’t alone in being stumped. Nor was I alone in realizing that there were a whole lot of words out there I didn’t know, and I couldn’t wait for the day when I would know all the words in the whole wide world (I estimated that would be at third grade.)

Inspired by that moment in kindergarten, I’m not unabashed about teaching my nieces and nephew new words as often as possible. Some of the words the preschoolers have learned this year are: haberdashery, despondent and entrepreneur. We also count together whenever possible, from how many crayons are spread around the table, to how many bumble bees are flying on the page of the storybook.

“Aunts are not teachers,” Dr. Rosemarie Truglio, Vice President, Research and Education at Sesame Workshop was quick to point out when I met with her last year while doing research for my book, eager to learn how aunts can help teach a child. “An aunt is all about quality time… play time.” (I’ve since dubbed this “QualAuntie Time.”)

She explained to me that the time an aunt spends with a niece or nephew is uninterrupted by parental obligations. Childless aunts have a wonderful opportunity to teach kids as we play that really helps them prepare for school and life. “We think most of the learning is done in school,” Rosemarie said over lunch earlier this summer, “But really, kids are learning all year round and it’s up to the grownups in a child’s life to increase their development skills outside of school, and before school even starts.

I liken it to sun damage. We all think that the sun will do its worst damage as we lay at the beach, so we sloth on the SPF. And while it’s true that the sun is intense at the beach, there is more long term sun damage occurring from every day sun exposure. Learning is similar. Yes there is intense learning at school, but it’s through every day life that children really pick up cognitive, social and emotional development skills that support future academic successes.

Zero to Three, a nonprofit organization that fosters early childhood education, recommends an hour of unstructured play for babies and toddlers daily. We all know that reading to a child can help develop their language skills. Try to add descriptive terms to the pictures on the page, like: “This is a big, yellow sun.” Or let toddlers tell their own story through a little puppet show. Turn on the music to watch them wiggle, helping them develop coordination, balance, and rhythm.  Even bath time can help them understand cause and effect by seeing what sinks and what floats.

Our nieces and nephews may be going back to school but don’t underestimate your influence to teach them powerful skills. And the best part? They’ll never even detect it’s all by design.

Learn more about QualAuntie Time in my book: SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin, Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

Dinner started off simple enough, three friends in their mid-thirties catching up on each other's lives. One was a married mom of two kids. One was a newly married woman, pregnant with her first. And one was a single woman about to lose another unfertilized egg hours later. I was the latter.

The conversation turned to maternity, the two who had the common experience of pregnancy shared stories about the challenges of a burgeoning bump. Then they went through the list of mutual friends expecting a first, second, or third. And finally they talked about one of the friend's younger sisters, recently married and having trouble conceiving. Understandably, the conversation got solemn, and I got quiet, as they shared thoughts on the grieving of the young couple. The topic went on past the appetizers well into half a bowl of pasta...and I lost it.

"Stop talking about babies!" I shouted in a very uncharacteristic way. A passing waiter stumbled with his tray and my friends awkwardly changed the subject, but not before looking at me like I was inappropriate.

Later that night, the mom of two called me out on my outburst. "I've never heard you like that," she softly scolded. "I'm sorry," I said, "but I just couldn't take it anymore. We had been talking about motherhood and pregnancy and infertility the entire time out. Don't you know I want to be a mother too? It's like my inability to have a child is invisible to you."

"It's different for you," she immediately responded. "You're not even married!" "Exactly," I replied. "I'm thirty-six years old and not even married. I am years behind your younger sister who at least gets to try to have children. I get to try to go on a date." And then, as if on dramatic cue, I went to the ladies room to dry my inner tears and noticed I had lost that egg.

Last month I published an article on Huffington Post called The Truth About Childless Women and it hit a nerve. It went viral, shared over eleven thousand times on Facebook alone. In it I talked about the grief of childless women who suffer from what I call "circumstantial infertility," the inability to have children because one doesn't have a partner with whom to conceive. Of women ages 40-44, for example, 19 percent are childless - almost one in five American women in that age bracket. Pew Research reports that among that group, about half have chosen not to be mothers. The other half suffer from infertility, and not all biological.

"How DARE you?" opined the commenter on the "Truth" post. The twenty-something told me that the grief of a married biologically infertile couple was deeper than mine and I was wrong to compare the grief or to call it 'infertility.' They suffered, the commenter inferred, from real infertility. Well commenters are allowed their opinions but when I noticed it was written by a young man, I was taken aback. There is no doubt that men suffer the grief of infertility, too. I do sympathize. And while there are many women who are childfree by choice, a very valid choice, many women have a biological urge to conceive a child and to be pregnant. It's how we are built. And every month, there's a physical reminder that we have failed to be who we believed we were born to be - mothers. (There is little coincidence to the fact that with menstruation, there is physical pain and blood, often associated with death.)

Stephanie Baffone, LPCMH, NCC, grief counselor and married woman who suffers from biological infertility, writes in an article on SavvyAuntie.com that what women like me go through is called 'disenfranchised grief' or a grief that isn't recognized by society with legitimacy. For women like me, we not only grieve the loss of motherhood, but we also grieve the loss of the dream, the dream of finding love and marriage resulting in that beautiful baby carriage. And not only do we grieve childlessness alone, with no partner to console us or share the grief, but society as a whole won't let us grieve, as if we've brought it on ourselves by being unwilling to settle in love. As Baffone articulates so beautifully in her article, "has compassion for victims of infertility become the proverbial carrot on a stick, reserved exclusively for those considered by the masses to have legitimately, 'tried hard enough?'"

I awoke to an email a couple of days after "The Truth" had been circulating from a woman I do not know (who does not know me) who chided me for not adopting. "If you were really maternal, you would adopt a kid," she scolded. Followed by "If you want to remain the "auntie', the godmother, etc... then you're not really mother-material."

I honor single mothers and want-to-be-mothers who have invested time and money in adopting or conceiving a child alone. I am comfortable in my choice to not be a single mother, or even try to be a single mother. The grief I've seen and heard of women who tried to conceive through IVF and couldn't or the ones who adopted only to have the biological father take the child back, well frankly those are not losses I want to grieve alone. And those are just a couple of reasons. What one can trust is that I've considered the options. For me, finding love is my only honest choice.

Thankfully, my friend's sister and brother-in-law went on to have beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. My friend went on to have her third. And six years later, I'm still looking for love.

I write this on the eve of what would have been my own mother's 75th birthday. Upon returning to college after the Shiva period some 22 years ago, a classmate expressed his sympathy having known my mother since childhood. "The semester is almost over," he said. "Why don't you just take the rest of it off to grieve?" Without flinching I replied, "My mother died, I didn't."

I move on; I celebrate my maternal instincts with my nephew and nieces and all the children who come my way. I allow myself now and again the time to grieve. But then life, the life my mother gave me, goes on.

“I know a lot of women like you,” said my date, admitting he was trying to figure out why a ‘great girl’ like me was still single. “They are also single, no kids. But you know, they’re career women like you are.” Then, in a way to make himself sound less judgmental, he added: “My best friend is a career woman.”

“Why are we ‘career women’ but you’re just a guy who hasn’t been lucky in love?” I replied.

“I don’t know... You know what I mean. You work. You have other priorities.” he said losing his macho grip on the conversation.

“I don’t think I know what you mean.” I said. “Having a job is not a choice for women who are single, and it’s often not a choice for married or coupled women either. In fact, it’s not even a choice for many mothers these days.” Fifty-five percent of moms are working moms.

When a man over age 35 is single, no kids, he’s called a bachelor. When a woman is over age 35, single, no kids, she’s called a ‘career woman.’ The implication is that she’s chosen career over having a family life. I personally do not know one woman who made that choice. And I live in New York City where that choice is welcome by companies eager to squeeze every last working hour out of its executives. Instead, I’ve seen women leave lucrative jobs in industries like banking for occupations in industries like education that give them more flexibility to date and potentially have a family.

Now it’s true that some women do prefer to focus their energy on their career. And there are many women who are childfree by choice. And it’s also true that many women today get married later than their mothers did – only 26 percent of women ages 20-29 were married in 2008, compared with 68 percent in 1960. But they are marrying men of relative age, so presumably the men are just as career-oriented as the women are.

But that doesn’t stop people from labeling single women with no kids as having prioritized career over family, pointing a finger of blame with a less obvious derogatory label than ‘spinster.’

By saying ‘career woman’ there’s an implication of heartlessness and apathy for family life.

Women work, just like men do, to pay the rent et al. Do they try to choose career paths that they enjoy the most? Yes. Do they work as hard and as many long hours as men do in same or similar occupations? Yes. Do they do their utmost to excel at their jobs? Yes.  Are we implying that women should not have a career that exercises their potential? I hope not.

“I’m not a ‘career woman,” I corrected my date. “I’m looking for love.”

He wasn't it.

When NBC's Parks and Recreation star Amy Poehler accepted her Time 100 award last spring, she said: "I would like to take a moment to thank those people...  who love your children as much as you do, and who inspire them and influence them and on behalf of every sister and mother and person who stands in your kitchen and helps you love your child, I say thank you and I celebrate you tonight."  It was the first time I had heard a public figure mom honor, acknowledge and celebrate the aunts (among others) in her children's lives.  Hopefully, it's not the last.

When I launched Savvy Auntie, my first mission was to change the way we look at aunts in America today. Often imagined as a relic of a couple of generations past, along with a dozen cats, 'aunt' was more like an old "Auntique" than a modern, cosmopolitan woman. That's not to say I didn't love and honor our Great-Great-Aunts, but where were today's cool, contemporary aunt figures?  As I explored this modern segment of American women who are not (yet) moms (The U.S. Census reports that number at 46 percent of women through age 44), I realized there are all types of aunts:

Aunties by Relation; Aunties by Choice; Great-Aunties; Godmothers; Cousin Aunties; Long-Distance Aunties; StepAunties; Single Aunties; Married Aunties; ParAunts (aunts who become the parent when one or both parents is no longer able); Straight Aunts, LesbiAunts; Teen Aunties; Child Aunties; Special-Needs Aunties; Teacher or Coach Aunties; Nanny Aunties; Fairy GodAunties; and Aunties to the World -- the BenevolAunts who give so much to children they've never met. And there are also the Bon VivAunts, the GourmAunts, the BohemiAunts, the ConfidAunts, the Aunt-Rageous Rocker Aunties, the Crafty Aunties, and the eco-loving Auntie Earth among others. What a diverse group of positive influences for America's children!

Unfortunately, our contributions to the American Family Village often go unnoticed and under-appreciated. My second mission was to change that.

QualAuntie Time

Unlike parenting, there is no legal obligation to 'aunt.'  The time we spend with our nieces and nephews is most often always quality time, unencumbered by parental duties like making sure the kids have brushed their teeth, made their beds, done their homework (not to say aunts don't help with that too when they can). I've dubbed this time "QualAuntie Time."

When I asked Dr. Rosemarie Truglio, VP Education and Research, Sesame Workshop, how an Auntie can help develop the minds of our young nieces and nephews, she simply replied: "You're already doing it." By playing with our nieces and nephews, reading to them, even just chatting with them before they can even talk, we are helping them learn, she said. Just by being Auntie, we're helping!

Baking cookies with a niece? That's math and science. Constructing railroad tracks with a nephew? That's helping develop his motor dexterity and his understanding of spatial relations. To that end, Zero to Three, a nonprofit organization that fosters early childhood education, recommends an hour of unstructured play for a young child each day (e.g. tea parties, role-playing, puppet shows). All that pretending actually helps lay the groundwork for developing literacy down the line. And when mom has a newborn to care for, QualAuntie Time with the older sibling(s) is very important since mom may not have an hour to devote to uninterrupted play with her other kids.

If mom or dad is unable to take the all the kids outside (too hot or cold for baby, sick, or busy with homework or chores) Auntie can take the others out to play. Kids need more time outside because it helps reduce stress (yes, even little kids have stress), and being in nature -- even the backyard -- helps keep their minds focused (studies show kids with ADHD are more likely to do better in green settings than industrial ones.)

Even on a rainy day, for kids over the age of two, QualAuntie Time spent co-viewing children's television or a video, sharing lessons learned during and after the show, is more productive than mom leaving the child in front of the TV to go about her necessary household duties. But if watching a lot of TV or video can actually infringe on their vocabulary, reading to babies and toddlers can increase it. Aunties who read a favorite book to their niece or nephew (over and over again) are helping the child learn new words. Pointing out the pictures on the pages helps develop a baby's understanding of shapes, colors, counting, and emotions.

Aunthood is a Gift

Aunts by relation or choice give of their discretionary income and time to children-not-their-own in their immediate lives, in their communities and around the world every single day. Every boo boo they kiss, every little hand they hold, every hug they give is a gift. And as far as the other kinds of gifts -- the kind tied up with a bow -- are concerned, an Auntie will often stretch her budget to put a smile on the face of a niece or nephew on birthdays or the holidays. She's also more likely to jump on a plane for Thanksgiving than expect a family of four to travel to her.

Aunts not only give directly. When a co-worker mom leaves work early to tend to a sick child, or when that big assignment is due and working late or over the weekend is necessary, a childless woman is (often expected to be) the one to pick up the extra work so moms can have family time. While indirect, aunts deserve to be appreciated for their contributions to the American Family Village in this way too.

These are just some of the ways aunts give of themselves selflessly.

Sunday, July 24th, 2011 marks the third annual Auntie's Day™.  Like the tradition of Mother's Day, Father's Day and Grandparent's Day, it's a day to honor and celebrate the women in the American Family Village who love and give to children not-their-own.  On Sunday, give the Auntie in your child's life a call, send her a card, or acknowledge her in whatever way you can to say thank you.

Aunthood is a gift. This day is theirs. And they deserve it.

July 11, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Nearly 46 percent of American women through age 44 are childless. That’s up from 35 percent in 1976.

All reasons this generation of women are not bearing children at the same rate their mothers did are valid. Some young women and just not at a point in their lives where motherhood is choice they’d like to make. Some are ‘fence-sitters,’ not sure about whether or not they want children. Some are childfree by choice. Some are gay and need to take a potentially longer and less traditional route to motherhood. Some are suffering from biological infertility. And some, like me, are what I call “circumstantially infertile.”

I want children. I always have. At age 12 I purchased baby name books in preparation for the son and twin daughters I dreamed to be a mother to one day. I was a nanny, camp counselor and frequent babysitter. I would make up songs to sing to the kids I babysat that would become ‘our thing’ or visit the kids even when I wasn’t officially working for their parents. By age 21, I was hosting teen tour girls in my home. Motherhood was always a path I felt ready for.

At age 23, when interviewing for my first job in New York City, I inquired about maternity benefits to make sure it was the right place for me. I focused my career in the non-profit sector, hoping it would give me more flexibility in dating, marriage and motherhood. I dated men with traditional family values, men who have since gone on be fruitful and multiply.

By my mid-thirties, now in my third job working for some of the best companies in the world to make enough money to live in New York City, I was still unmarried. I wasn’t a mother. My work hours were longer, some days were spent overseas, and I was beginning to suffer the prejudice of being an ‘older’ woman. At 34, I was approached by a male who friend who said he wanted to set me up with a friend our age but I was just ‘too old.’  At 35, a man said he would date me if I agreed to freeze my eggs.  At age 36, another man told me he’d (reluctantly) date me since I could probably still ‘pop one out.’ Now we all know these are exceptional instances but they were nevertheless embedded in my psyche.

The grief over not only not being a mother, but now also suffering from feeling ‘less than’ because I just simply hadn’t found love (or mutual love), was at times overwhelming. And as I saw couples younger than I getting sympathy for their biological infertility, I wondered why all I got was accusations of not doing enough, not trying hard enough. Trying too hard. Being too picky.  Not being picky enough… And the hardest comment to defend: “You better hurry up!” (Hurry up and fall in love?)

While I have not suffered from biological infertility (as far as I know), I imagined my grief was at least as deep as couples trying to conceive as I didn’t have a love who shared the grief. Heck, I often didn’t even have a date to get closer to trying!  Every month that passed, I grieved a loss. But I grieved alone. I have no husband (or male partner) to grieve with me. And lamenting my infertility to close friends who are parents or to family was never well-received.

Generation X is the first generation of women who have a choice to wait for love. Unlike many of our mothers, we earn enough to take care of ourselves (please don’t call us ‘career women’ as careers are as much a choice for women as they are for men.) But still, the assumption is still that all women who don’t have children don’t want children.  There is a place between motherhood and choosing not to be a mother. And tens of millions of American women are there.

I’m 42 and still single and I have come to acknowledge the truth: it’s very possible I won’t have children of my own. I’ve grieved and have found my happiness on the other side. There are days that are still hard for me (Mother’s Day, the day a friend announces her pregnancy, when I hear a guy won’t date me because I’m too old to have kids, my birthdays, my monthly reminder…) but most days I’m happy. Very happy.  I’m not in the wrong life being the wrong wife and trying to get out. I have no regrets.

My circumstances have left me infertile but they have not left me non-maternal. I love the children in my life with boundless adoration. If I was not meant to be a mother to 2.1 kids, then perhaps I was meant to be motherly to many more. From a girl in Tanzania I’ve adopted as a niece and email with many times a week, to the little ones down the hall in my apartment building, and of course to my amazing nephew and nieces by relation, I am an aunt.
I’m not childless, I’m childfull. I’m not a mother but I am maternal.

My infertility is circumstantial but my life is not barren. And to the women who are on the other side of hope, know that you are more powerful than your womb. You are maternal whether or not maternity ever comes. You are a woman and your love and how you choose to offer and receive it, is a gift.

And you're not alone.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

July 5, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties!

I'm thrilled to say that SavvyAuntie.com turns three years old on July 9th! I can't believe it was three years ago this week on July 9, 2008 at 1PM EST that SavvyAuntie.com made it's debut as the first (and only) online community for cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and all women who love kids! So much has happened since then including:

-The launch of Auntie's Day (July 26th, 2009)
-The launch of the Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Awards (Holiday 2009)
-The release of the Savvy Auntie Book (April 26, 2011)

Plus, there are close to 16,000 Twitter followers and over 47,500 Facebook Fans!

And there is so much more to come!

Thank you all for joining the Savvy Auntourage. I'm so thrilled that together we can show our Auntie pride as we all become savvier Aunties!

Happy three year Auntieversary!!!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Savvy Auntie Founder and Author

June 28, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It's been an exciting time here at Savvy Auntie HQ! Coming off the heels of the SAVVY AUNTIE book hitting the Wall Street Journal Best-Sellers list, SavvyAuntie.com was recently named a Forbes Top 100 Website for Women. I'm so honored that the first and only website designed for all the cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and all women who love kids not their own is listed among the nation's best online destinations for women.

Next week, on July 9th, SavvyAuntie.com will celebrate its third anniversary. While it's hard to remember life before the site launched, it's equally difficult to imagine my life without it. But of course, I do not do this alone. There are many amazing people behind the success of SavvyAuntie.com - and truly what make it successful. Let me take a moment to thank some of these people here:

To all the SAVVY EXPERTS who contribute their time, talent and of course Savvy Expertise on a regular basis, thank you. Your contributions are invaluable. SavvyAuntie.com is the only place where Savvy Aunties can find articles written just for them. I can't thank you enough:

Alisa Vitti, FloLiving.com
Amanda Goodwin
Amy Shigo
Andrea Donsky, NaturallySavvy.com
Becky Wenner
Beth Rosenberg
Bonnie Sayers
Dana Rosenbloom
Darlynn Morgan
Dawn Lerman
Doree Lewak
Janice Simon
Jeannine Mercurio
Jeff Cutler
Jeff Stier
JL Knopp
Julie Negrin
Karen Gallagher
Leigh Vinocur
Lisa Kothari
Margaret Bristol
Marlene Wallach
Melanie Linn Gutowski
Melina Gerosa Bellows, National Geographic Kids
Natalie Robinson Garfield
Rhonda Davis
Sarah Toscano
Scott Henderson
Stacie Krajchir
Stacy Francis
Stephanie Baffone
Stephanie Lichten
Wendy Garfield
Yolanda "Shoshi" Shoshana

And to all the guest experts and psst experts along the way - thank you!

To my associate editors, past (Margaret Bristol, Melanie Linn Gutowski) and present (Stephanie Kim) thank you for keeping the site fresh and new - and for looking out for that breaking "Auntie News" to share with our audience.

To David Finklestein, CEO of Quarksoft LLC for keeping the site up and running like clock-work.

And most of all - thanks to you - the Savvy Auntie Community - the Auntourage - for visiting, sharing and connecting with Savvy Auntie. You are the reason we all work so hard - and you deserve a web destination of excellence.

Here's to many more years celebrating Aunthood together.... celebrating you!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com and Author, SAVVY AUNTIE

Don't forget!  The Third Annual Auntie's Day less than a month away! Sunday, July 24th!

June 19, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

When I tell parents about Savvy Auntie, they often say: "Oh aunts, you have it best. You play with the kids, then you can leave!"

And sometimes, even I admit, someone who always wanted children of her own, that being able to wake up with the sun on a Sunday morning is a wonderful thing. But most of the time, that type of rhetoric bothers me because often aunts are so much more than playmates. We love those kids,  help them take some of their first steps, listen to their hurt feelings, fill their hearts with joy...

Generally, it's true, we don't have to worry about the big stuff, like paying for school or piano lessons or braces (although sometimes we do). But we're not fly-by-night people in their lives either. Our nieces and nephews know that they can count on us if and when mom and dad aren't around... or can no longer take care of them.

So hold your head up high, Auntie, when someone says that you're just there to help the kids make mess and then leave. Tell parents that you may come and go, but your devotion to the children never leaves. Look the parents straight in the eyes and say: "The kids mean more to me than I can explain and while they are not my children, I couldn't love them any more if I tried."

You're so much more than what anyone bargained for. And that, my dear Auntie, is your gift.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author Savvy Auntie

June 13, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Last night, as I was going to bed, I Tweeted this:

Remember... There are no setbacks in life... Everything is moving forward... Just not in the direction you may have expected. Keep going!!

I had seen a friend earlier that night who was recently divorced, mentioning some of the resentments he had towards his ex. And a few days before, an estranged relative was sharing his grief over something that happened decades ago...

We all do it. We all think about things that may have happened at work or our personal lives and repeat them over and over again in our minds as if we can change them. Or worse, we do change them in our minds, re-orchestrating what may have been but never truly happened as we hoped. We dwell in the past. And as resentful as we are of the past, we seem to want to soak in it...

Yesterday, I acknowledged it had been exactly four years since I had the idea to start the Savvy Auntie business. The name hadn't been finalized, nor all the plans, but I woke up that morning determined to be an 'auntrepreneur.'

The few years proceeding that decision I was resentful of not having found love and silently grieving over not yet having children. While I didn't blame anyone, I found myself 'stuck,' as I told my father back then, unable to move forward. And his response was quite simply: "Get unstuck!"

And so I did. I followed my dream to start my own company and reversed my feelings of unhappiness by finding a way to re-write happiness for myself. And now, I couldn't be happier.

My advice to you, should you be reading this and resentful in any way that life didn't turn out the way you wish it had.... that you grab today by the horns and move forward. It's hard to come out of the familiar warm waters of resentment, but when you do, you realized the world out there is so much more promising.

Find your own happiness and keep moving forward.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

July 24th is the third annual Auntie's DayTM!

June 1, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I'm thrilled to announce that the third annual Auntie's Day will take place on Sunday, July 24th! It's a day for you to be honored and celebrated for all that you do for the children in your life!

May 23, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I've always said that my recently published book, SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins) is more than a book, it's a movement. The book represents and celebrates the nearly 50 percent of American women who are not moms but who love a child in their life.

For that reason, I wanted the book to hit the bestsellers lists. It would mean the book had credibility not only as a book, but as a book that many have gravitated to en masse. It meant there was power behind this movement.

But getting on the coveted lists is difficult, especially if you're not a celebrity or someone of note. It's also frankly a challenge if you're not a diet book or cookbook or business book. And if you don't have a national television appearance (My Early Show appearance was bumped and the show format changed and it may not happen, unfortunately) and massive marketing dollars behind you, it's even harder.

So while I didn't give up (I never give up!), I let it go. I saw the immense support from all of you and those on Facebook and Twitter, and knew that the momentum had begun.

So this weekend, when I received an email from Laurie Chittenden, my editor at William Morrow, with the words "National Bestseller" in the subject line, I nearly spit out my morning coffee!

SAVVY AUNTIE made The Wall Street Journal Bestsellers List!  Here's what it looks like! (Check out #9!)



And so there you have it. SAVVY AUNTIE is now a national bestseller. And I owe so much of it to your support. As some folks on Twitter exclaimed over the weekend: "Here's to the Aunties!"

Here's to you!

Thank you!!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

PS Nearly 45,000 Savvy Aunties have joined the Facebook Auntourage! Join us!

Photo on homepage by Philip at BritRock Photography - britrockphoto.com

May 10, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

This past Sunday, Mother's Day, May 8th, a segment aired on NPR featuring me and the Savvy Auntie book. The segment was heard far and wide, boosting tremendous book sales and traffic to the Savvy Auntie online platforms.

As an author and publisher, that's great news. But what really made me feel good were the emails, tweets, comments and posts I saw as a result. Many women who don't have children for a variety of valid reasons thanked me for being their voice on what can sometimes be a difficult day of the year.



In the summer of 2007, when I set out to create the first online destination for all the cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and all women who love kids, I hoped that it would resonate with others like me - others who wanted to feel connected with women who love their nieces and nephews and want the best for them.

Since I launched this Website almost three years ago, and now released the Savvy Auntie book just two weeks ago, I have never felt more assured that this tribe was needed.

Thank you all for your incredible support. As a result, Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins) was Amazon.com's #1 Bestseller in Mother's Day Book Gift Ideas on Mother's Day.

Yes.... aunts let their voices be heard on Mother's Day. And I'm so very grateful.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

May 1, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As you may recall, a DebutAunt is what we call a first time aunt. So when it came time for a party to celebrate the release of my first book: Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins), I couldn't think of a more appropriate name to call it than The DebutAunt Ball!

Held at Pranna in New York City, hosted by The Blaq Group, and sponsored by PepsiCo WIN, the event attracted some of New York City's most influential women and men, including Bravo Real Housewives of New York City, Jill Zarin and Sonja Morgan; TLC's What Not To Wear's celebrity hair stylist Ted Gibson and his husband, celebrity colorist Jason Backe; anti-aging guru and bestselling author, Dr. Nicholas Perricone; Oxygen's Bad Girl's Club's Wilmarie; New York's WPIX on-air personality Tamsen Fadal; and Tad Wilson and Jessica Phillips, currently starring on Broadway in Priscilla Queen of the Dessert.


Jill Zarin and Melanie Notkin



Melanie Notkin and Sonja Tremont Morgan


Jason Backe, Melanie Notkin, Ted Gibson


Dr. Nicholas Perricone and Melanie Notkin



Melanie Notkin and Wilmarie



Tamsen Fadal and Melanie Notkin



Tad Wilson and Jessica Phillips


Melanie Notkin and Bonin Bough of PepsiCo

All photos by Ana Schechter / ANAPhoto.net

It was a night of my dreams! I could not think of a more thrilling way to launch my first book. A celebration of aunthood deserved a FAuntastic celebration.

The Savvy Auntie book is getting rave reviews!  Get your copy here.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and author, Savvy Auntie

April 24, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Just two more days until the release of the SAVVY AUNTIE BOOK! Finally a book for YOU, Savvy Auntie!


 

SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids

by Melanie Notkin (Morrow/HarperCollins) will be released on Tuesday, April 26th!

AUNTHOOD IS A GIFT. THIS BOOK IS YOURS.

BROWSE INSIDE THE BOOK!

Buy the book!



IT'S NOT JUST A BOOK. IT'S A MOVEMENT!

Order a copy of Savvy Auntie TODAY so I can personally offer these THREE things in your honor:

1.      I’ll donate $1 to EpicChange.org for every book purchased through April 27, 2011 to help children like 7th grader Leah Albert in Tanzania.  Here’s how Leah helped me land this book deal.

2.      I’ll donate an extra *$100 to an accredited US charity of one Savvy Auntie’s choice. Email me at Book@SavvyAuntie.com to let me know you want to participate in a random drawing. Please write: My Charity in the subject line.

3.     If the Savvy Auntie book lands on The New York Times Bestsellers List (Advice, How-To, Miscellaneous - Hardcover) and/or if the book lands in the Top 10 books on Amazon.com, I will donate an additional $500 to Epicchange.org and an additional $100 to the random drawing in #2 above. ** We want to get the book on the Lists to show that this is more than a book, it's a movement – that the nearly 50 percent of American women who are not moms deserve to be recognized for all that you do for the American Family Village.

**Savvy Auntie is listed on Amazon.com’s Mother’s Day Book Gift Ideas (for all the ‘other’ mothers in a child’s life –the cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and all the fabulous kid-friendly women!)**

Get the book now, for yourself or for a Savvy Auntie you know!

April 17, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I have someone very special to thank for helping to bring the Savvy Auntie book to life. There’s a little girl in Tanzania named Leah Albert who I met on Twitter (@leah_albert) back in the fall of 2009. A wonderful organization called Epic Change had started a campaign called Twitter Kids (#TwitterKids) which has been helping Tanzanian kids get connected, and Leah was one of the most active.

It was through my immediate adoration for this sweet little girl that I met my original editor at HarperCollins, Debbie Stier. In a Twitter exchange, we found ourselves bonding over the Tanzanian kids, and Leah specifically. Soon after, Debbie invited me in to have lunch in her office and before I left, we were planning the Savvy Auntie book! (And yes, Leah is mentioned in the acknowledgments!)

A year and a half later, the book is being released. It was a joy and honor to write. Through research and interviews with some of America’s leading authorities, like Dr. Rosemarie Truglio, Vice President of Research and Education at Sesame Workshop and Christiane Northrup, M.D., ob/gyn physician and author of the New York Times bestseller, Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, I am able to bring you a book filled with information and advice I wish I had years ago myself. It’s a true celebration of you, for you.

But Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids isn’t just a book, or the SavvyAuntie.com Website. It’s a movement. It’s a call to America to take another look at the nearly 50 percent of women who are not moms (yet) but who love the children in their lives with amazing devotion. Every boo boo we kiss, every hand we hold, and every hug we give, is a gift. Aunthood is a gift to the children, their parents, and of course, we Aunties ourselves. Every child deserves as much love as they can get and aunts and godmothers are valuable members of the American Family Village giving them that care.

There are also children all over the world who could use more love from the Global Family Village. We have an opportunity to be BenevolAunts to children in one of the world’s poorest countries, children like Leah who are doing their very best to strive in school under difficult circumstances.

You can help.

To support my mission to get the Savvy Auntie book on the New York Times Bestsellers list (Print: Advice, How-To, Miscellaneous), I will personally donate $1 for every book *sold between now and April 27, 2011, to EpicChange.org, the non-profit organization led by Stacey Monk, a Savvy Auntie herself, that supports children in need all over the world, in honor of you, the Savvy Auntourage – and of course, Leah Albert.

It’s not about ego. It’s about empowerment.

If the Savvy Auntie book lands on the New York Times Bestsellers list then influential people will take notice. America will take notice. Aunties will officially be recognized as a valuable part of the fabric of family in America. This is our DebutAunt Ball!

All you have to do is order the traditional print version of the book (e-books are not counted toward the List) on or by April 27th to help the Savvy Auntie book get there. And we’re close. Over 1000 copies have been pre-sold. But we have to sell thousands more! If the Savvy Auntourage supports the book, you’ll help all of us be BenevolAunts to the children who need more love, like Leah Albert.

This is our moment to shine. This is our chance to be heard. This is our chance to show we’re an important part of the family village. The Global Family Village.

Who’s with me?  You can pre-order the book here: http://bit.ly/bJ1Af7

If you’re on Twitter, please help spread the word with this Tweet:   Yes! @SavvyAuntie donates $1 to @EpicChange #TwitterKids for every book sold in honor of @Leah_Albert http://bit.ly/bJ1Af7

April 11, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Yesterday, after showing my nephew and nieces the finished Savvy Auntie book and then some Youtube videos I'm in, one of my little nieces, who is often curious about how I started my own company, asked me a very good question.

"Auntie Melanie, are you famous?"

I was taken aback for a second. It was a smart question to ask. After all, being famous is not something most young children understand. She was putting two-and-two together.

"Not yet," I said awkwardly. "Hopefully some day soon so that I can help all Aunties be as savvy as they can be."

And that, as it often is with children, was that.

So no, I'm not 'famous' in that I don't have a national TV show that airs weekly. I don't appear regularly on talk shows. And I'm not an actor. But maybe amongst the Savvy Auntie tribe, I'm well-known.

And that's why I need your help. I would love the Savvy Auntie book to be a success so that more aunts feel connected to the Auntourage. But I'm not Gwyneth Paltrow or Eva Longoria with a new cookbook out this month. I'm not Jillian Michaels of Biggest Loser fame with a new healthy lifestyle guide. These books will probably get on the bestsellers list in the same category the Savvy Auntie book would be in (Print: Advice, How-To, Miscellaneous) because these women are famous.

I'm just a 'solo-auntrepreneur' doing her best to put a spotlight on a long-neglected group of women - PANKs - Professional Aunts No Kids. Getting on The New York Times Bestsellers List will be much harder for me. But it could mean a tipping point for the Savvy Auntie Movement.

So I appeal to you. Please consider pre-ordering Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins) today.  With your support for Savvy Auntie I can get more exposure for aunts and godmothers as it will be easier as a 'New York Times Bestselling author" to get on TV and share the message. It takes a step, then another step, then another step... but you can help me get there. And then I can better help you.

I'm not famous. Yet. But with your help, we can all be soon.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder & Author, Savvy Auntie

April 4, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It's just three weeks away from the release of my book (I should say *our* book!) Savvy Auntie:The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins)!



The publisher was kind enough to share a sneak peek of an excerpt from Chapter 2: Welcome to the Auntourage! with Savvy Aunties!  Here it is - just for you!

I hope you like it.

I also hope you'll consider pre-ordering the book now, if you were considering ordering it when it is released. Pre-orders help booksellers gauge how big a book it will be, and the bigger the book, the more they will promote it. It's already the #1 Bestselling in Amazon.com's Parenting & Family category - Coming Soon. That's thrilling! But I need your help to make even bigger!

It's not just a book. It's a movement!

If you do pre-order it, please let me know and I'll send you a signed bookplate!  Send an email to Book@SavvyAuntie.com with BOOKPLATE in the subject line.

Thanks for all your support!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

March 28, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I had good intentions. I had originally written my upcoming book, Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins) to include a chapter on Special Needs. It featured ways a Savvy Auntie might be the first to notice something atypical in a niece or nephew, as well as ways to help the family - and herself - cope with a diagnoses.

Unfortunately, the chapter was left on the cutting room floor but the experience I had researching the content is still fresh on my mind.  Elaine Hall, better known as Coach E, is the mother of an autistic boy she adopted from Russia. She shares her struggles in discovering her son's autism as well as her work to champion children on the spectrum. She later created The Miracle Project, a theatre arts program for special needs kids which eventually became an Emmy Award winning documentary entitled Autism: The Musical.

Last year, Elaine's book: Now I See the Moon: A Mother, a Son, and the Miracle of Autism (HarperCollins) was released to wide acclaim, and now it's out in paperback.

If you have a niece or nephew on the spectrum, or suspect you might, or even if you don't know any children with autism, pick up Elaine's book. It will help you better understand these children and support their special needs.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie
Author, Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins)

March 18, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

In the fall of 2009, I was invited to Sesame Street. Yes I actually am one of the few people who have seen the Sesame Street set. It was a true honor and an extraordinary day.

The team at Sesame Workshop truly support Savvy Auntie and the positive influence aunts can have over their nieces and nephews, especially as they develop as little ones. So naturally when I began to write my book, I asked if I could interview Dr. Rosemarie Truglio, the Vice President of Education and Research at Sesame Workshop to learn best how Savvy Aunties can be teachers for their nieces and nephews.

From the moment I walked into Rosemarie’s office there was a sense of elation. Rosemarie would unlock the secrets of how to help develop the minds of our tender-aged niece and nephews. I thought I hear teaching tips or theories on child education. Instead, I got the most beautiful and inspiring answer I could have dreamed of. Rosemarie said simply, “You’re already doing it.”

Rosemarie was a PANK (Professional Aunt No Kids) until her early forties when she had a child.  Being an aunt was (an still is) central to her life and understood early on that just about every moment an aunt spends with a child-not-her-own *is* quality time because we’re not focused on chores, behavior, homework or other quotidian things that parents are obliged to enforce. Time spent with Auntie is most often focused simply on the child, and usually about play. I’ve dubbed this time “QualAuntie” time and it’s this time, Rosemarie says, when aunts can focus on development. Those railroad tracks you and your nephew are working on? Spatial relations! That bath your giving your little niece as she fills cups with water watching them sink? Science! Those books you are reading to your nieces and nephews? Language development!

Rosemarie gave us the greatest gift – the gift to know just how important our time with our nieces and nephews is.

I asked Rosemarie if she’d consider reviewing and early copy of my book. She was elated to and her personal note to me included many joyful exclamation points!! Here’s what she wrote for those considering my book:

March 9, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Back in October, I hosted a luncheon for Dr. Nicholas Perricone, the skincare and anti-aging guru. One of his guests was former real Housewife of New Jersey, Dina Manzo. Dina and I quickly became friends and I so honor how she has dedicated her time, generosity and heart to very ill children through her fund: Project Ladybug.

Dina is an extraordinary woman who has done and continues to do extraordinary things with her life. My way of honoring Dina and her love for children-not-her-own, is to offer a donation to Project Ladybug for each copy of my upcoming book: Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins) pre-sold on Tuesday, March 15th. (It's also my birthday!!)

I asked Dina a few questions about her role as a Savvy Auntie to her seventeen nieces and nephews, her goddaughter Audriana Guidice, and the thousands of children she helps through her philanthropic work. Here's our Q&Auntie.

In the meantime, please save the date! If you are considering ordering a copy of my book (and I hope you are!) please consider doing so on Tuesday, March 15th at this link on Amazon.com. I will be donating $1 for **every book pre-ordered on that day! Just email me at book@SavvyAuntie.com so I know you did!

Thanks to Dina for her support and thanks to you, Savvy Aunties. It's not just a book. It's a movement!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

** Up to $1,000
Photo: Ana Schechter

March 2 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

About a year ago, I became friends with Jill Zarin, the star of Bravo's Real Housewives of New York City. Jill and I have friends in common and once we finally met in person, we became instant friends too. At the time, her book Secrets of a Jewish Mother which she coauthored with her mother, Gloria Kamen and her sister, Lisa Wexler, was just coming out. I went to visit the women at Jill and Bobby Zarin's home to inteview them about the book. (Here's the result - an openly candid series of videos).

I had Jill sign my copy of the book for me. I was so touched by what I read: "Dear Melanie, I feel like I know you forever and hope I always will. Love forever, Jill."

And since then, we have been really good friends. Jill has invited me to many events (even some with cameras rolling so you may see me in the background of Real Housewives of NYC this upcoming season!) and I've done my best to share in her milestones, as she has mine.

Jill received a galley copy of my book, Savvy Auntie, and shared this supportive praise:

"Here's a Jewish mother's secret: having aunties around to love our kids and give us the support we need is priceless. Melanie's book honors our sisters and friends and I can't think of anyone more deserving."

And last night, at Jill's book signing at Borders at Time Warner Center in New York City, Jill introduced *me* and praised my book to her fans. Jill really does support Savvy Auntie and I am so appreciative of her influential support.  What a wonderful friend she is.

Jill's family, by the way, is filled with some of the warmest people you'll ever meet. When you are a friend of Jill's, you are instantly part of the family: her husband Bobby, her mother Gloria, her father Saul, her sister Lisa... and I've met her Aunt Cookie who is a delight! I'm completely smitten by the Kamen and Zarin families!

Thank you, Jill. And yes, real friends forever.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie

PS:  The paperback version of Secrets of a Jewish Mother is out now! Read it - I promise you'll love the advice and truly, laugh out loud at the stories the women share...

Photo courtesy: Rickie Freeman Teri Jon

February 21, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Last week I spent a few days at the International Toy Fair here in New York City. It's the third year I've toured the Fair as the founder of Savvy Auntie and I believe it was the most interesting year yet as we head out of the recession.

There are some key trends for 2011 you should be aware of. There were lots of modernly designed balance bikes and scooters for kids on the move stressing a healthier lifestyle for us all. With the unbelievable success of LEGO, Hasbro got in on the building set momentum with Kre-O coming out later this year. Hasbro has the Transformers 3 movie license so the sets emulate your nephews' (and nieces') favorite characters. But that far from leaves LEGO in dust. With many new original themed playsets and the new Ninjago brand - LEGO combined with playing cards and battles as well as new family games, the iconic brand is sure to come out ahead again this year.

Transformers isn't the only movie with toy support. The biggest investment this year is Disney Pixar's Cars 2 out in late spring. LEGO,  Mattel, Hasbro and Spin Master all have a version of Lightening McQueen and friends in some form of play product.

For girls, Figit Friends, an adorable robotic best friend will debut in the fall and of course there will be new Barbie products and a second good year for Monster High Dolls, a big hit in 2010. There was less innovation for girls this year, with Hasbro and Jakks Pacific building on their classic brands like Strawberry Shortcake, My Little Pony and a partnership with Disney Princess for Jakks. Classic doll makers like Corolle and Madame Alexander also expanded their lines.

There are plenty of rockstars this year, including the Fisher Price Rockstar Mickey and Let's Rock Elmo for Playskool. WowWee's PaperJamz will have a series of new PaperJamz Pro products that will blow your mind... including a Bieber guitar!

I'll be putting together some more information for you throughout the year so that you can make sure you're savvy about the coolest toys of the year. I've got your back, Auntie.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

February 10, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I was invited to see Heart Truth: Red Dress Collection 2011 Fashion Show which reminds women to take action to protect their heart health at Mercedes Benz Fashion Week here in New York City yesterday.

Heart disease is the #1 killer of American women. More than breast cancer. More than lung cancer. In fact, heart disease kills more women that all cancers combined.

I know this. I know this too well. My mother had her first heart attack at age 42. By 52, heart disease won. It's 22 years this month since she's gone.


Linda Gray, Red Dress / Heart Truth Fashion Show / Photo courtesy of The Heart Truth®, www.hearttruth.gov, National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute, National Institutes of Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

One of my favorite memories with my mother was watching Dallas each week. It was our thing. I don't think we missed an episode. Last night at the Heart Truth fashion, I met Linda Gray, the actress who played Sue Ellen Ewing, the wife of JR. I told her that story and it made her proud.

I think my mom would have so excited to meet Linda. But it's been a long time since we wondered who shot JR. And it's been a long time since she and I sat on the couch together.

She never met my nephew. She never met my nieces. She never saw me launch Savvy Auntie. She died of heart disease at age 52.

Please take care of your heart.

Please take care of the hearts of your nieces and nephews by taking care of yourself.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin

To learn more about Heart Truth, click here.

January 31, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Exactly a year ago, I read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. As this book about Gretchen's year-long journey to add more happiness to her life was climbing The New York Times Bestsellers list (it made it to #1!) , I was inspired to continue my own happiness project with full gusto.

In 2007, the summer I decided to create the Savvy Auntie brand, I was in my late 30's and frankly not where I wanted to be in life. I wasn't married. I wasn't a mom. I wasn't working. I wasn't happy. But then I realized that happiness is a choice and that when I focused my life on all that I am instead of what I am not, I grew happier. And happier. I'm a Savvy Auntie. I'm an Auntrepreneur. And while I may still not be married, I'm in love with my life and my life choices. I didn't choose the wrong man, after all.

So when I closed the final chapter on Gretchen's inspiring book, I was grateful for even more motivation to add actions to create more happiness in my life. And for that I was grateful.

And then by coincidence, a few months later, we were both invited to same luncheon. I brought my book and asked Gretchen to autograph it for me. We got to talking.... Then before I knew it, we were chatting over a late lunch about our books... and gratefully, this bestselling author became my friend.

By focusing on a life that would make me happy.... happiness has come into my life.

I asked Gretchen to read a galley of my book, Savvy Auntie, and she generously agreed. Here is her wonderful review:

"Nothing makes people happier than loving relationships -- and in this marvelous celebration of Savvy Aunties' love for their nieces and nephews, Melanie Notkin shines a much-needed spotlight on a bond that brings so much happiness to so many people."

Gretchen also shared some private enthusiasm for my book which I will keep between us, but suffice it to say, I'm honored that another #1 New York Times Bestselling author should have such high praise for my book.

Gretchen shared her Happiness Project with me, and on April 26, I will share mine with you...

January 24, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Peggy Orenstein, author and journalist, has a new book called Cinderella Ate My Daughter about her concerns with the princess culture for little girls after watching how engaged her own daughter was with it. There are more dolls, pink, and girlie-girl products on the shelves marketed to girls younger and younger girls than ever before, Peggy says after studying the market place. She set out see if this causes the girls any harm.

It may be too early to tell the long term affects of sparkly nail polish at age 4 or a Hello Kitty purse at age 3, but Peggy advises that parents can help swing girls back to the norm... not every little girl will grow up to be a princess (although if we may, Prince Harry IS still single.)

Let's be honest. Aunties are often the first to indulge our little nieces in princessy poofs. We buy them tutus and tulle, their first Barbie and take them to see their first Disney Princess movie. Manicures at age 5? That's us! A $100 doll for Christmas? Sure!

Are we harming our nieces? Is it possible they will truly never grow out of wanting to grow up to be princesses?

Personally, I doubt we're making them believe they will live in a castle any moreso than our nephews believe they will live in a Bat Cave. But perhaps what Peggy is reminding us of is that while it's wonderful to sprinkle magic into our nieces' lives, it's also important to inspire their education and life goals.

Even if they prefer to do their homework on a pink laptop.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author: SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids

January 17, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Well we're more than halfway through January and for some of us, those resolutions we made just a few weeks ago seem like the distant past... So this is my little reminder to keep going! Even if you've already cheated on that diet, settled back into the career you aren't happy with, put off getting to those books on your nightstand, it's not too late.

Start again now.  Every day is a chance for a new beginning.

If you need some help, here are tips on "How to Stop Procrastinating and Accomplish Your Resolution" by Savvy Expert Janice Simon.

Need even more inspiration? Your happiness will show and your nieces and nephews will be inspired by your positive influence.

Keep going!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

Join the Auntourage on Facebook!

January 10, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It's a new year, and there's a new me. Well a new me online.

I re-launched MelanieNotkin.com last week, with a new, fresher look and a Melanie Notkin logo.

This online destination is where I'll be sharing more news about the book (SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids, HarperCollins / William Morrow), and some of the amazing people and places I encounter as Savvy Auntie grows.

I've always tried to keep those interested abreast as to the next steps for this brand and I hope that this new site will do just that.

Happy New Year!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder

PS: If you'd like to get in touch with me, please send me an email to Editor [at] SavvyAuntie.com or Tweet me @SavvyAuntie

January 3, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Happy New Year!

Recently, the US Census published its biannual "Fertility of American Women" report, this time for 2008. As expected, the trend of those not having a child before age 45 has increased to 45.7 percent (up from 45.1 percent in 2006 and 44.6% in 2004). We've written more about the report here.

So what does this mean for you? Well as fewer women have children and Savvy Aunties continue to connect as a Savvy Auntourage, hopefully our influence in the American Family Village will be more widely acknowledged. I'd also like to see more of us represented as PANKs (Professional Aunts No Kids) in the media and increasingly in the national conversation about women and family in America.

Savvy Auntie is a platform for women who contribute to the lives of children in a positive way. And whether you've chosen to be child-free or are involuntarily childless, your influence is great.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie
Author: Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids.

December 27, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

What a year for Savvy Auntie!

Exactly a year ago, I signed a book deal with HarperCollins for the SAVVY AUNTIE book which is coming out this spring. I spent a good part of 2010 writing this ultimate guide for aunts and I cannot wait for you to get your copy - or give it to a favorite Savvy Auntie friend. I'm very proud of it.

(In fact, now through the end of 2010, I am promoting a contest. Pre-order the SAVVY AUNTIE book and then enter to win a $100 gift card!)

We're nearing 30,000 Facebook Fans, which is just incredible. Not only have you joined the conversation there, but you have also done so with active comments and inspiration there!

You were active on SavvyAuntie.com too of course. Here's a list of the Top Ten most read articles, including my interviews with Elizabeth Gilbert, Jill Zarin and The Guncles!

Our sponsors came out in full force, in fact two of the most read articles were sponsored by Hallmark and Children's Classics Collection. I am so proud that marketers value the role aunts play in the American Family Village.

This has been a year unlike any other. I am so happy you were here to share it with me and all the other Savvy Aunties.

Remember, Aunthood is a gift, and this brand is yours.

Here's to an even savvier 2011!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie
Author, SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids

December 20, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Many of you will be celebrating Christmas this week. I hope that your holiday is filled with joy, merriment and love.

I hope your nieces and nephews, godchildren and all children you love think your gifts are the coolest.

I hope you see the children in your life in person, and if not, in spirit.

I hope you are spending the holiday with people you love, doing what you love.

I hope you get the perfect shot of the perfect moments.

I hope your cookies turn out exactly as you want them to.

I hope you are touched by generosity.

I hope you are blessed with health and happiness.

I hope that if you want children of your own, that you are one step closer...

I hope this Christmas is the best Christmas of all.

Happy Holidays, Auntie!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

December 13, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As Christmas approaches, we have our lists ready (or almost ready!) and are busy wrapping gifts and making travel arrangements. Our goal is to make all the children in our lives, by relation and by choice, happy over the holidays.

Some of us are solo-aunties... the favorite aunt, not just because we're so cool, but because we're the only one. Bu many of us share the spotlight with other amazing women who give so generously of their love, time and Christmas budget.

For these Savvy Aunties, please consider pre-ordering my first book: SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and all Women Who Love Kids. (HarperCollins/William Morrow) I'll even send her an eCard to let her know!  *Plus, you'll be entered to win a $100 Gift Card.

Of course, there's no harm pre-ordering a copy for yourself while you're at it. Aunthood is a gift, and this book is yours.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder (and author!) Savvy Auntie

PS: Join us on Facebook! 29,000 Savvy Aunties are there, too!

*Offer ends December 31st 11:59PM EST

December 6, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As you may know, my book: SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (HarperCollins / William Morrow) will be coming out this spring. It may be too soon for the aunties in your life to receive it for the holidays, but if you pre-order it before the end of the year, I'll send an e-card letting them know it's been pre-ordered PLUS you can enter to win $100 Gift Card!

All the details are here: http://savvyauntie.com/contestform.aspx

Aunthood is a gift. Thank you for you considering SAVVY AUNTIE as yours.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder (and author!) SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Join us on Facebook!

November 29, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Things tend to slow down from now through New Year's Eve. Work is interrupted with holiday parties. Weekends get comfy under warm blankets. And life seems to be focused on enjoying the season, the lights, the food, the entertainment, the joy.

It's also a time for giving. We give to our nieces and nephews, our friends, family and lovers. We give to charity. We give our time. We give our money.

During these final weeks of 2010, remember to give to yourself. Read that book that's been sitting on your night table for months. If you're alone, take yourself out for dinner. Sit at the bar of a restaurant (with that book) and enjoy a glass of wine and the night's most special Special. If you're in love, plan a romantic evening with no distractions.

Call your best friend from college you haven't spoken to in a long time. Buy yourself a gift you've always wanted. Get your hair done just for fun.

Make this month's goal to focus on your own happiness. It's the best gift of all.

One of the best books I read this year is The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. It's about Gretchen's real-life journey toward finding happiness by creating happiness goals each month for a year. Little did I know when I read the book that Gretchen and I would become friends later this year. She's an amazing woman and her book truly inspiring. If you're looking for ways to increase your happiness, Gretchen's book will help you take real actions toward that goal.

Remember happiness this December, Auntie. You deserve it.

XOXO
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie

November 22, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I am so grateful to all of you for being part of the Savvy Auntie Auntourage. This entire community and the Savvy Auntie brand is a dream I started in the summer of 2007 and launched in the summer of 2008. Through this experience I have learned so much from this community and I am grateful to be able to share our Savvy Expertise so that we can all become savvier aunties.

I also want to thank our sponsors so far this year:

Tropicana
Hallmark
Direct Brands
Little Pim
Bare Necessities
My Publisher
Dollie & Me
Bertolli
Totsy
Madison Square Garden

I'd also like show gratitude to William Morrow / HarperCollins for publishing my book: SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids, early next year!

Happy Thanksgiving, Savvy Aunties! I am so grateful to you!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie

PS: Join the conversation on Facebook! Over 27,000 Aunties are there now!

November 15, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Are you a PANK: Professional Aunt No Kids? If you are, you're not alone. About 50% of American women don't have kids although eventually about 80% do eventually have children. Of those, 14% have their first child at age 35 or over. But fully 20% of women age 40-44 don't have kids.

This data is from the 2006 US Census Bureau Report on Fertility which only looks at the fertility rates of women through age 44. We don't have stats on women age 45 and over, although the trend seems to be pointing the direction of women have children later and later, if at all.

I'm 41. I always wanted children. In fact, I wanted twin girls and had names picked out for them when I was about 10 years old. I bought a baby name book when I was 12. Having children and being a mother was always a dream of mine. Unfortunately, I have yet to meet the father of these little dreams. I'm sure he's out there, I just haven't met him yet.

The good news is that waiting for love is a choice I have. And while I grieved the loss of not having kids in my late 30's, I never second guessed myself when it came to waiting for the right man. A recently University of Michigan study says I probably made the right choice. Being with a life partner you love is a stronger indicator of happiness at middle age than having children, the study showed.

Of course there is always the dream of having both love and children. I hope I get there soon. I hope you do too if that's what you want. In the meantime, I have some holiday shopping to do for my nephew and nieces. They fill my life with such joy. I hope to give them back some joy wrapped up in pretty boxes and bows next month.

No regrets. Just waiting for love.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS Join our Facebook Fan Page! There are over 25,000 Savvy Aunties just like you there!

November 8, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

When I launched SavvyAuntie.com in July 2008, we had a nice little Facebook Group. As time moved on, we migrated to a Fan Page. I noticed that you liked engaging in conversation there and slowly but surely, I saw the number "Fans" increase.

Well we're are now 22,500 Fans strong and growing. Sometimes as many as 100 Savvy Aunties can comment on a post, or just a few in a very significant way. I love that so many are able to connect on Facebook. While SavvyAuntie.com and our Community section is a little more private - and just between us - Facebook is a fantastic place to share and connect.

I am hoping that by March we have 50,000 fans on Facebook. I think that number will push this movement to a tipping point. I am thrilled for that possibility. Aunts deserve more attention for all that we do for the children we love - and their parents.

If you have not already, please consider joining the conversation on Facebook.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS - We're on Twitter too! @SavvyAuntie

November 1, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Throughout the year, I attend various toy industry events and meet with toy manufacturers and industry analysts to put together my annual list of the coolest toys for the holiday season.

The 2010 Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Awards is a comprehensive list of the toys I believe kids want the most this year. When your nieces and nephews open their gifts, we want them to say: "COOL!" don't we, Auntie? Well I made choosing the right toys, easy.

You can find the complete list here: http://savvyauntie.com/coolesttoyawards.

Happy shopping!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin

PS: Please join me on Facebook - 20,000 Savvy Aunties are already there.

When you’re a PANK (Professional Aunt No Kids) there’s time for the children in your life and there’s time for you. Whether it be with your husband, partner, or a date, having the ‘freedom’ to enjoy sex and that healthy aspect of life without interruption or other ‘parental’ concerns can be a benefit of not having kids of one’s own.

A wonderful new online platform called genConnect asked me to be their New York City **ambassador for their very first live event and live stream. Dubbed Sex after 35 - Can Sex Get Better with Age? - it was Part 1 of a new web series entitled: Sex for Life. Frankly, I didn’t know what to expect. I’m used to testing kids’ toys so when I heard that Trojan and its new find-it-at-your-local-drugstore-personal massager (aka an adult ‘toy’) was a sponsor, I got a little concerned. I had to ask:

“Can Savvy Auntie talk about sex?”

Well, I surprised myself. I had a spectacular evening this past Monday night. I laughed (a lot), I learned a lot and I left more inspired by love than before I walked in the door. (And as a 41 year old woman, I also took away some positive ideas about sexual health as I get older.) It felt remarkably liberating to be part of an open discussion about sexual health.

The room was filled with women in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and more. Led by frequent Today Show contributor, Dr. Janet Taylor, the esteemed panel: Dr. Pat Allen (a septuagenarian sex expert who could make Dr. Ruth blush), Dr Alan Altman (whose documentary Hot Flash Havoc is sure to be a humorous and educational take on sex at menopause and beyond) and Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh, (sexual health expert and author of The Orgasm Answer Guide) spoke frankly and with humor about sex, love and…. Well ok we didn’t get to rock n’ roll.

Look, most of us don’t talk about sex beyond intimate conversations with our partners, our closest friends and maybe our doctors. But the genConnect Sex after 35 panel event was not only educational, it was fun and warmly no holds barred. For instance, Dr. Sara (as she is known) was happy to share her thoughts on orgasms: “There are still many myths out there in general about what is normal [in sex] and in particular about orgasm, which is amazing considering all the information that is out there, although I don’t blame [women] because most of the information contradicts itself and leaves people confused.”

As I sat in the audience, I wanted so much to share the information I was learning with all my girlfriends. Fortunately, on Monday, October 25, at 8 pm EST / 5 pm PST, genConnect.com is airing a special ‘encore’ re-stream of the event. Moreover, Dr. Alan Altman will be available on the site to answer your questions and chat live. Here’s your chance to catch the moments you might have missed if you didn’t view the original stream, and/or ask that burning question about your sexual health.

"It's an opportunity for women to have an intimate conversation with one of the most noted experts on women's health and relationships," says Nancy Spears, genConnect CEO and Founder. "We're offering a friendly and open environment to express your thoughts, curiosities and questions about your sexual health, hormones and wellbeing."

genConnect is set to focus on other topics of interest to women in the future. Career, Health and Relationships are its main focus, so you can expect more hot topics to come along soon. In the meantime, please join me in watching this encore presentation of Sex After 35.

As it turns out, Savvy Auntie can talk about sex. And maybe we’ll have more answers for our nieces (and nephews) as they grow into adulthood and have questions of their own.

Click here to receive special expert offers and updates on the next genConnect web event.
http://www.genconnect.com/register/

Click here to tune in for the Oct 25th event at 8 pm:
http://www.genconnect.com/relationships/sex-for-life-webinar-event-encore-presentation/

** I am a paid spokesperson for genConnect. I believe in Nancy Spear co-founder Jane Maine de Biran's mission and I support other women entrepreneurs. Led by esteemed medical professionals, this event focused on sexual health for grown women.

October 18, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

When I was developing SavvyAuntie.com in 2007, Facebook had just begun to invite people who were not on college campuses to join. I enjoyed getting back in touch with my childhood friends, and staying connected with new ones.

By December 2007, I created a Facebook Group for Savvy Auntie. And there were hundreds of members by the time I launched SavvyAuntie.com in July 2008. The community on SavvyAuntie.com became active shortly after.

Once I migrated our Group to a Fan Page, the activity swelled. Aunts and godmothers are appreciative to have a place to talk about things they are passionate about as they relate to aunthood.

I'm proud to say that we now have over 13,000 Fans on Facebook (and I predict we'll have 15,000 by week's end if the fans keep joining at a similar rate.)  While I hope we'll continue to foster conversations here on SavvyAuntie.com - especially those conversations for Aunties' ears only - I also encourage you to join the conversation on Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie where the world is listening.

Certainly, I'm listening. I read every single comment and post.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

I want to give a quick "Thank You" to our sponsor, Hallmark and  Hallmark Recordable Storybooks. Hallmark understands that a Savvy Auntie can't always be there to read to a child they love.

October 11,  2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

On Friday, I read an article in The New York Times that concerned me. Entitled:Picture Books No Longer a Staple for Children, the article spoke about parents who feel the pressure to advance their pre-school age children to reading chapter books - or early readers - before age five. The trend is so strong that booksellers are selling fewer picture books and publishers are publishing fewer titles each year.

I don't have a problem with children reading independently or with parents reading chapter books to young children. The language skills and vocabulary children develop as a result are integral. The issue I take is with assuming that pictures make a book less valuable. In fact, sometimes the words in a picture book can me more challenging than those in an early reader.

At the top of The New York Times article is a photo. If you clicked through to the article link, it may have been the first thing you 'read' when you got there. Being able to 'read' or interpret images is important for their ability to assess a situation as well as developing their imaginations.

A few years ago, a gave a picture book to a five year old girl who was unable to read it. Sure she might have been able to pick up a word here or there, but she was not prepared to read all the pages of a brand new book. While I was busy speaking to her mother, I glanced over to notice she was reading the book, spending a good amount of time on each page.

The child was reading the pictures.

When I read picture books to children who are not yet old enough to read the books to themselves, I not only read the words on the page, I talk about all the pictures on the page. "Look at all the beautiful butterflies. Which is your favorite butterfly?"

"The blue one!" "I like the pink and orange one. It's the prettiest."

"How many dollies are on this page. Let's count them together. Which one is the biggest dolly? Which one is the smallest dolly?"

Pictures give a child the independence they need to read a book to themselves when an adult is unavailable to read it to them. But they are also a window to the world. A Stop sign would still be a Stop sign without the word Stop. The green light doesn't say: "Green."

And a butterfly is a butterfly.

A picture in my opinion is indeed worth 1,000 words.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie

PS: The SAVVY AUNTIE Book is now available for pre-order! http://amzn.to/bJ1Af7

October 4, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As many of you know, I was approached by HarperCollins Publishing a year ago to write a book based on SavvyAuntie.com. SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids will be available on March 22nd. We're still working on the layout but as it stands, it's 384 pages long, or about 90,000 words.

It's chock-full of meaningful information for aunts and godmothers, with expert interviews and advice from every day Savvy Aunties.

Today the final edits are due. I have to admit, it's a little scary. I mean, this is it. No more changes. No more edits. The manuscript is done.

It took me a year - well thirteen months to be exact - from the time I conceived of this website, SavvyAuntie.com, in June 2007 to its launch in July 2008. And it took just about a year to complete writing the book.  With each project, I've learned so much from so many. And I cannot wait until March to share everything I've learned for this book with you.

So here I go, off to HarperCollins in midtown Manhattan later today to say hello to my editor, Debbie Stier, and goodbye to my "little" manuscript which a year ago was just a twinkle in my eye. Oh they grow up so fast, don't they?

Wish me luck!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com
Author, SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids.

September 27, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Why is it that most of us loath the idea of fall coming as soon as summer begins. Like an alarm that rings too soon come the morning after a wonderful night, fall always arrives before we're ready for it.

At first, the site of pumpkins at the grocer seem ill-fitted, like a blanket on a hot July day. And those big bags of bulk chocolate bars that mean Halloween is approaching feel less than sweet. But then that first damp rainy day comes. Our manicures get darker. A cardigan is worn. And before you know it, it's fall. And it's somehow ok. And then, it's almost welcome like a pot beginning to simmer the soup. After all, it's too hot to cuddle with a niece or nephew is August.

Now's the time to start making those holiday plans to see your nieces and nephews, or take a few days for yourself (and your friends or lover). Make lists of recipes, gifts, activities, decorations to prepare. Buy those airline tickets. Make the arrangements at work. Get organized.

Because before you know it, it will begin to snow.

I know, I know.... you're not ready.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie

September 20, 2010,

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I'm a big fan of Mad Men.  I love the script, the actors, the clothes, the styling, and the cultural history. (I also really love Don Draper but that's a whole other Editor's Letter).

What's interesting about this season is how we really begin to see the precursors to the feminist movement. (If you did not see last night's episode: Beautiful Girls, you may find spoilers ahead). While the original season focused on Don and his family life, this season we are seeing more of Peggy, Joan and now Dr. Faye dealing with not being mothers (well, Peggy is a mother but she chose not to keep her child... and we understand now that Joan had two abortions). When Sally drops by Don's office unexpectedly, and Don asks Dr. Faye to help out, she's lost. (I even tweeted that Dr. Faye needed some Savvy Auntie training). And Faye becomes frustrated - even angry with Don - when she realizes she isn't a natural and says that she chose a different path. She is not a mother.

I'm not saying that not being a mother is a feminist ideal - at all. In fact, I always wanted to be a mother and still do and believe that feminism gave us the choice to be happy regardless of whether or not we have children. What I do find interesting is how Mad Men shows us how the world was changing and the ideals of motherhood and family were changing along with it.

The closing scene features Joan, Peggy and Faye riding down the elevator together. These women don't have children to raise. For Peggy and Faye, it seems to be a choice (at least for now) and for Joan... well perhaps Roger will change everything (or did last night).

We don't see Megan, presumably Don's new secretary now that Miss B is gone. Megan seemed to have been a natural with Sally. And I've always said, divorced dads love a really Savvy Auntie.

All four women are 1960's PANKs (Professional Aunts No Kids). And I for one can't wait to see what happens next.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Here's a piece we published about the Aunties of Mad Men when this season started.

September 13, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

September is the beginning of many things: The school year for our nieces and nephews; fall; the fall holiday season; new TV series; new clothes and more. It often feels much more "new" to me than January 1st. Perhaps it's the sudden change of seasons that makes me reflect on time and how quickly is moves.... from a 90 degree day on the beach, to a brisk walk under turning leaves.

Fall has always been a time of reflection for me too. Just like the trees shed their leaves, I do my best to shed any resentment or hurt I felt in the passed year, or do my best to resolve hurt I may have caused others.

Being a Savvy Auntie means being part of a family (by relation or by choice) and therefore issues are bound to bubble up once in a while. Take this time of year to move past issues and into the upcoming holiday season with an attitude of forgiveness. After all, they say we gain a few pounds over the holidays, rarely to lose them. So let's lose the weight of guilt or sadness away before we sit together at Thanksgiving. Otherwise, we may carry it with us for a very long time...forgetting how we picked it up in the first place.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

September 5, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

"Read this!" the kids would say before they could read on their own. "Read this!" they would insist, bringing their next book of choice to my lap. "Read this!" I would repeat back, helping them sound out words on a page.

Reading to a child is much more than a calm way to pass time on a rainy day, or to help them close their eyes as they drift off to sleep. Reading to a niece or nephew helps them develop language and vocabulary skills. And while we may suffer from reading and re-reading the same favorite books again and again, the children are gaining control of the words on each page. It's really invaluable to their literacy!

But don't just read the words. "Read" the pictures. Describe what the child sees the on the page: "There's the barn. There's the farmer. There are the cows. How many cows are there? One.....two.....three!!" Then ask the child to point again to the barn, the farmer and the cows: one....two....three!

"The barn is red," you can add. "What else is red? Is your pretty dress red too?"

Books are just a platform for leaping into off into language and vocabulary that children need to master. Try to make reading an activity you do with your nieces and nephews with every visit or video call. Remember, Auntie time can always be "QualAuntie" time.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: We have lots of great book ideas in the Gifts section!

August 30, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Our nieces and nephews are back to school. We've all had that bittersweet feeling of watching them reach another milestone while wondering where the time went. How could the little bug I held in my arms just days old be filling up a new backpack with school supplies already?

They grow up so fast.

Take this time to make a resolution to contribute more to their education: help with homework; encourage their learning; give them books as gifts; ask them about school and about the friends they are making;  ask to look at their projects and artwork; attend their sporting events if you can....

You won't stop time but you'll be living as many moments as you can to their fullest.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Are you on Twitter? Follow @SavvyAuntie - there's more there!

August 23, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Let me start off by saying I haven't seen Jennifer Aniston's new movie The Switch. (I did see Eat, Pray, Love this past weekend, however, and loved it... but that's another Editor's Letter). But I think I know enough about the premise of the movie to talk about the underlining subject matter: women choosing having babies on their own using a sperm donor.

In 1992, then Vice President Dan Quayle had a fight with his TV. Or what was appearing on his TV. The title character in the hit show Murphy Brown was having a baby as a single mother. Whether or not you agree with Vice President Quayle then or now, the national debate about how single motherhood impedes on the American Family sparked media fireworks. Today, with fully 41 percent of new mothers being single, (a recent Pew Research study reports that at the time of Murphy Brown, only 28 percent of moms to newborns were single), there are still sparks left with just a few like Bill O'Reilly carrying the flame.

So to me, that's the switch. Not only are attitudes changing (it seems Jennifer Aniston won the popular vote in the Bill O'Reilly debate) but the numbers are there to prove that more women are considering and choosing to have babies on their own. And studies show that single moms are raising their kids just as well as two caring parents. Babble.com shares this: "Parenting expert and psychologist Carl Pickhardt says that while fathers are important, even more crucial to a baby’s well-being is “the quality of parental commitment to raising that child after it is born.  It is a prejudice that single parents — mostly moms — are deficient parents. In fact, they are among the strongest and most resourceful parents I see.”

Personally, even at 41 and single, I'm not ready to make the switch from Savvy Auntie to Single Mommy.  But I'm glad to know that if that changed, I wouldn't be alone. And neither would my baby.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

August 16, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

A few months back, I had the pleasure of interviewing Elizabeth Gilbert over the phone. She was in LA on her book tour for her latest bestseller, Committed, and I was in my office in New York, heart pounding with nerves. I had arranged to interview her about her latest book where she speaks eloquently about the importance of childless aunts in children's lives. But having been a big fan of Eat, Pray, Love (now a movie starring Julia Roberts) I was more than excited (and nervous!) to speak to her.

Auntie Liz, as she is known to her nephew and niece, is affable and brilliant. She was such a pleasure to speak with that I could have talked with her for hours. But it was her determination, like mine, to honor aunts like you - up the "Auntie" sort of speak -  that made me a fan for life - as if her books aren't enough to do that.

Here's our interview together, done earlier this year. With Elizabeth Gilbert advocating for the Auntie Brigade, we're in great company.

And I'm still in awe.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

Follow me on Twitter! There's more there!

August 9, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As many of you know, I was asked to write a book for William Morrow / HarperCollins called: The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life - The Ultimate Source for Cool Aunts, Great Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids. I am proud to say that after six months of researching, writing, interviews and asking for Savvy Auntie quotes, the manuscript was submitted to my editor, Debbie Stier, last week!

Here's the good news: They love the manuscript! What a relief! Sure, there are some minor edits, but overall, it's a success! Now we're on to designing the interior of the book which will be fun! It's a guide book, so there are lots of fun sidebars, tables and boxes to design. I am working hard to make sure the book is as beautiful as can be - you deserve it!

What's the book about? Well it's part par-Aunting guide for aunts, part guide to learning more about the lifestyle of PANKs: Professional Aunts No Kids. We've interviewed some of the best experts in their fields like Dr. Rosemarie Truglio, Vice President Research and Education at Sesame Street and Dr. Christiane Northrup, New York Times Best Selling author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom.

The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life comes out on March 22nd (although it will be available for presale very soon!). It's a gift you'll want to give every Savvy Auntie (or soon-to-be Savvy Auntie) you know, and of course, it's a gift for yourself too!

I'll continue to keep you posted! Thanks again for all your support.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Want more Savvy? Follow me on Twitter.com/SavvyAuntie. There's more there!

August 2, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I love kids. True, as the founder of Savvy Auntie, that probably doesn't come as much of a surprise. After all, this whole company was inspired by my love for my nephew and nieces.

And my friends' kids.

And my nephew and nieces' little friends.

And I realized recently just how much most kids just bring a smile to my face.

There are a few little ones who live in my apartment building here in New York City, and I'm always sure to know their names, ask them questions as we ride the elevator together, compliment their new haircut, doll, or backpack.

Recently, however, perhaps because it's summer time and the children are out walking more slowly than usual, taking their time to kick a stone up the block.... Or perhaps because I've come to learn more about children through the Expertise on this site and through research for my upcoming book (The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life, William Morrow/HarperCollins).... I've been smiling at children I've never seen before.

Naturally, I only talk to children when their parent or guardian is with them, admiring their cuteness while being sure not to frighten them. Recently, I saw a beautiful little girl who was probably 4 or 5 years old. She had on the most adorable sparkly shoes that glistened in the sunlight. You knew they had to be her pride and joy. As I walked by I said: "I love your sparkly pink shoes! They're so pretty!" She smiled a Mona Lisa smile, unsure whether it was ok to revel in the compliment. Her mom (maybe it was her Auntie?) said "Thank you" with a smile acknowledging the kindness of a fashion-loving stranger.

I went on, assured that neither were concerned by a stranger talking to the little girl, and mentioned more specific reasons why I LOVED her shoes! She nodded shyly in agreement.

And with that, and a new skip in her step, she held her mama's hand and they crossed the street. Mom was probably feeling a little proud for finding those shoes, and the little girl, proud a kind stranger noticed her prize possessions.

We call that kind of Savvy Auntie-tude 'sprinkling magic' on children everywhere. And that day, from the smile on her face, it made her sparkle just like her shoes. And it felt good.

This week, sprinkle a little magic on a child you just met or hardly know. I promise, you'll feel the magic too.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

July 26, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

When I was about 4 or 5 years old and on my annual visit to Queens, New York to see my mom's family (we were living in Montreal, Canada at the time) my cousin Janet came over to my grandmother's house with a special gift for me. Cousin Janet was my mother's cousin and a Savvy Auntie to me. (At Savvy Auntie, we call cousins who are like aunts, Cousin Aunties.)

Janet was truly beautiful. She has fine features that stood out in our family of round faces. Her long brunette hair rivaled any of Charlie's Angels' and her gorgeous hands and long, perfectly manicured fingers were always the marvel of the little girls and grown women around her.

The special gift? It was a a Barbie Doll and a special pink Barbie Doll carrying case for my collection. I can still feel the vinyl and recall the dividers where each of my Barbies would bunk for the night. Janet also gave me a gun smoke metallic chain purse that I wore on very special occasions, mostly pretend - but I always had the perfect accessory for my imagination.

Janet always made me feel like big girl which, when you're a little girl, is really all you want to be.

Years later, I came home from college to see my mother in tears. There had been a fire in Janet's apartment building in New York City. Janet had tried to leave the building but the smoke got the best of her. Janet had died. She was in her 40s, not too much older than I am now.

I couldn't believe it. This beautiful woman who hadn't found love..... hadn't had any children of her own... how could this happen? Besides her mother, sister and brother, Janet had nieces and nephews (and now a great niece) she left behind. She had little cousins like me who missed her. It was just so tragic.

She would have loved what we do here at SavvyAuntie.com. She was the epitome of a Savvy Auntie.

I think about Janet often, now that I live in an apartment building in New York City and have nieces and nephews...  I thought of Janet when I bought my niece her first Barbie Doll. I thought of her when firetrucks came roaring by to extinguish fires in the building attached to mine. I thought of her on Auntie's Day. I think of her often. Because when I was a little girl, Janet always thought of me.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Want more Savvy Auntie? Come join us on Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie! There's more there!

July 19, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

The reason I don't have children is that I have not yet found the right man to have a baby with. It's that simple. So when an article says that women over age 35 are "delaying" having children, it concerns me that there's a common belief that most women are not have children on purpose.

And I'm right to be concerned; turns out I'm not the only one waiting for love. The other day I came across a 2007 study led by Amy Pienta, a sociologist at University of Michigan, who studied 6000 women to find out if one's level of happiness changes in midlife depending on whether or not they'd had children.

The findings were surprising, and the conclusion even more interesting.

A woman's level of happiness at midlife depends on when a she had her first child: 'early' (before age 19), 'on time' (between 19-24) or 'late' (25 or later).

Pienta found that women who had babies earlier in life were least happy at midlife while the 'on time' and  'late' were most happy. The later the first child, the more likely the mother was married, which Pienta believes is a root-cause of their happiness.

"In mid-life, being married or having a partner has a greater impact on a woman's well-being than whether or not she has children," Pienta said.

So women who wait for love before having children, or have waited until a point where their fertility health is compromised, or end up falling in love with someone who doesn't want more children, seem to be making the right choice to ensure happiness for themselves in midlife. They'll be happy either way.

Of course, every woman is different, and many women choose not to wait for love and have a child on their own and are very happy. But if you've chosen to wait for love and are concerned about you'll never have a baby of your own, take heed: You're not alone. And when you do find love, you won't be any less happy for your choices.

Now that's a relief!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS Auntie's Day is this Sunday, July 25th!

July 12, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I finally saw Sex and the City 2 the movie over the weekend. I know, I know, you would think I would have seen it the weekend it came out! After all, Carrie Bradshaw is an emblematic Savvy Auntie to Miranda's Brady and Charlotte's Lilly and Rose!

Carrie and John (aka Big) have decided that having children wasn't for them. They enjoy the freedom life affords them (and they can well afford) and are very happy being 'just us two.'

Without giving away the story (I know some of you haven't seen the movie yet either) there's a scene where a woman and her husband are disappointed in Carrie and Big for not having a child. They believe a child adds to your life as a couple. Without children, you're just the two of you. Forever. Carrie and John are taken aback, immediately pointing to Carrie's new book as point in case that she's got a full and bust life.

Oh the pity we see from those who have children who expect us to only find happiness their way -  whether we want children or not. Those who are child free by choice have a list of snappy replies, fearlessly standing up for their choices. But those who always wanted children but can't, whether they are biologically infertile or circumstantially infertile because they haven't met the right guy yet, don't like the pity. For them, it's heartbreaking.

We didn't get a peek into the discussion Carrie and Big have when they decide not to have children. And in her early to mid 40's, Carrie may have chosen not to go through procedures she may have needed to conceive. (Her alter-ego Sarah Jessica Parker had twin girls through surrogacy last year). Because we know at 38 she wondered if she should talk to her then boyfriend about whether or not he'd have more children (The Catch 38), we know she considered having children not too long ago.

I'm 41 and still want children, although I have worked very hard since I was 38 at being more than OK not being a mother and enjoying the fruits of my life - topping the list with my nephew and nieces of course. Not being a mother is one of the biggest disappointments of my life. But I will not let it define my life. I don't live my life in the negative. And I certainly don't want anyone's pity. After all, I'm happy. Legitimately happy.

Carrie doesn't want the pity either. After all, those shoes won't take themselves out to enjoy life. We can all take a lesson from that. Don't save your life for a rainy day. Even if you just bought the cutest Hunter rainboots.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS Auntie's Day is Sunday, July 25th!

July 6, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It's hot out there in most of the country with temperatures flirting with 100 degrees! 

If you are caring for your nieces and nephews, please make sure to keep them hydrated. How much should they be drinking? Well experts say to multiply their body weight by 0.08. If your niece or nephew weighs 50 lbs, for instance, they should drink 4 glasses of water a day.

Of course, we know that not all nieces and nephews want to drink water, but do your best to make sure they aren't consuming sugary drinks that will actually make them even more thirsty. And look for non-caffeinated drinks as caffeine can be a diuretic.

For more tips on playing it safe during the heatwave, read this article by Dr. Leigh Vinocur: Playing it Safe: Heat.

Keep cool, Auntie!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin,
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

Don't forget! Auntie's Day(TM) is Sunday, July 25th!  http://AuntiesDay.com

June 28, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

They grow up so fast, don't they. They are certainly growing up faster than we did. This generation of tweens and teens have more access to sexual imagery and sex talk than we did. They are texting and sexting (texting very flirtatiously) with friends. They can access sexual information on the web. Sex is everywhere. So it's natural that before you know it, they'll be asking about it.

If you're 'lucky,' they'll come to you - their Savvy Auntie.

That's why we went to Anne Mai Bertesman, a mom and Savvy Auntie to 15 nieces and nephews with a lot of experience giving the "sex talk."  Here are her very helpful tips for talking about this delicate topic.

Please add your tips in the Comments section below her article. Being a Savvy Auntie is an art, not a science, so we'd love to hear your experience! We learn from each other.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin,
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Don't forget! Auntie's Day(TM) is Sunday, July 25th! Visit AuntiesDay.com for more information!

June 20, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Sunday, July 25th is the Second Annual Auntie's Day!  Auntie's Day is like Mother's Day or Father's Day for Aunts by Relation and Aunts by Choice! And it's sponsored by SavvyAuntie.com!

Here's a link to some savvy ideas to help you celebrate - and be celebrated! http://AuntiesDay.com

And we'll have more surprises as we get closer to the day!

XOXO,

Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

June 14, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I always loved and admired my big brother. While only two and a half years older than me, he seemed so much more worldly as we were growing up. He knew every note on every "The Beatles" album ever made (they were still called albums back then) and he collected important things like stamps, coins and comic books (as opposed to my sorry collection of plush mice).

But I was envious of him too. He was older and a boy so he constantly got to do things I could only dream of. He got to ride his bike alone after dark. He got to go downtown with friends to a hockey game (We grew up in Montreal. That's what kids do there). He got to try everything before I did like go to high school and get a computer.

He also got married before me (I'm still waiting). And he had a child before I did. And baby siblings followed. And a house. Two cars. A white picket fence.

We live different lives, he a suburban, married dad to beautiful children and I'm a big city single gal, no kids. They could probably use more help on Sundays when the kids are home from school, but I'm busy on the weekends writing a book on deadline (that ironically includes ways to help support your siblings). I'd love an hour alone with my brother, but he'd probably like an hour alone too.

I'm a little too old to whine to my father about why my brother gets to do all that stuff and I don't!  Of course, I could have all that. I choose to wait for the best man. So for now, I'll sit by the window and watch as my big brother gets on his bike and rides off into the sunset with his wife, a pack of kids in helmets and training wheels, and the life I always dreamed up...

But now I don't feel the envy I used to. Instead, I smile and wish him a very, very happy Father's Day. After all, I got to become an Auntie before he became an uncle. And he has no idea how good it feels.

I love you, J. Happy Father's Day!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

Hey Savvy Aunties - you have your day coming up too! Auntie's Day(TM), sponsored by SavvyAunie.com, is July 25th!

June 7, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

While for some of you it feels like summer all year round, for most Savvy Aunties, the season is the fleeting time of year we all look forward to enjoying again when we feel that cool fall chill in the air come late September. The city streets are packed and the suburban parks are full of people. Even when it rains, it feels like the sun is always shining.

Summer is a magical thing, for some many reasons.

Studies show that children who are exposed to nature develop better. In his award-winning book: "Last Child in the Woods," Richard Louv shares a growing body of evidence linking the lack of nature in children's lives to the rise of obesity, attention disorders, and depression.

Whenever you can, please take the time this summer to take your nieces and nephews outside. Whether it's to a national park, on a nature hike, or even for some fun in their own backyard, making nature a part of their summer routine will serve them well.

And you too, Auntie.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Auntie's Day is July 25th! Mark your calendars!

May 31, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

The unofficial start of summer has started! It's time to enjoy the weather, especially those of you in the northern parts of the country with less summertime weather all year long. And nothing says summer like nieces and nephews! In fact, I think that spending time with kids can make us feel so good, it's like three scoops of ice cream on a hot summer day!

For those of you who are LDAs (Long Distance Aunties), summer may not mean spending more time with our nieces and nephews by relation, but you can still get your Savvy Auntie on with kids nearby! Offer to take your local distant cousins for a day at the beach or amusement park. You new best friend's kids might love some fun at the park, even after work for the older kids. Even spending time with the neighbors' kids running through sprinklers in their own backyard can lift your spirits.

For those with nieces and nephews nearby, take them on a road trip to pick berries or the waterpark. Kids need outdoor play to grow and develop, and from what we hear, the sunshine will do their bodies well too.

So whether or not you're able to spend time with your nieces and nephews, make sure to surround yourself with kids this summer. There's nothing like the sound of a child laughing in the sunshine to warm our hearts.

Happy Summer 2010!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

May 24, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Last week, I announced the second annual Auntie's Day, sponsored by SavvyAuntie.com. Like a Mother's Day for aunts, I hope that Auntie's Day will become an annual tradition of celebrating the Aunties By Relation, Aunties By Choice, Godmothers and all the women who love a child not their own.

You can learn more about Auntie's Day at AuntiesDay.com

Speaking of celebrating 'your other mother,' we were fortunate enough to have interviewed Robert Raible, the VP of Integrated Marketing at Sears. The weeks leading up to Mother's Day, Sears aired a commercial that recognized a child's number one, their mom, and also their cool aunts and Mom's best friend on Mother's Day. We asked Robert why Sears chose to go in this direction.

Savvy Aunties are being appreciated for the love we offer a child not-our-own. We celebrate you, Auntie!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

For more, follow me on Twitter!

May 17, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I'm usually the kind of person who lets things go pretty easily.  Years ago I read Steven Covey's The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and in Habit 1, Covey explain the Circle of Concern. Sure you can be concerned about something but if there's little you can do about, move on to the things you can control. Worrying about things you cannot change is ineffective. I've learned to move on.

But last week, after Elena Kagan was nominated to Supreme Court Justice by President Obama, something began trickling into the media wires that I should could not stop thinking about. Some said that Ms. Kagan is not a good choice because she is not a mother. And how could a woman who was not a mother know what every day Americans are concerned with?

Sure, there are mothers who have done spectacular things with their careers. But even Hillary Clinton waited for her daughter to be grown to run for Senate. If Elena Kagan were a mother, to what degree would she have been able to spend time with her small children? Would the significant balls she'd be juggling give her time to focus on any of them well? It's 2010: Are we still believing that women should be able to be full time moms and full time careerists? Something's got to give. No one can be in two places at once. If she's at work, she's not home with her kids. If she's at home with her kids, she's not at work. (We know there are many moms who work from home while taking care of the kids but we all know that comes with struggles too.)

Certainly there are plenty of Super Moms out there. And we honor them. But we all know that the myth of being able to have it all, all at the same time, is just that, a myth. And too many moms are made to feel inadequate because they are not rising to levels in their careers as the non-moms do after taking time off to stay home with their kids.

So beyond the fact that I was annoyed (let's be mild here) that some would accuse Ms Kagan of not being the right choice for the Supreme Court because she's not a mother, I'm concerned that no matter what a woman does with her life, she's still not 'good enough' if she isn't a mother. (Of course some moms feel they're not 'good enough' if they don't have the careers that were expected of them.) 

We don't know a lot about Ms. Kagan's personal life, although we do know that she's a traditional Jewish woman who was bat-mitzvahed at a modern orthodox synagogue on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Presumably, she has traditional family values. We've also discovered that she is known to welcome colleagues into her home just like a "Jewish Mother."  And while we don't know if she's a Savvy Auntie, chances are she's had the pleasure of the love of children in her life. For all we know, she's 'another mother' to one of them.

Either way, the idea that if a woman has no children it makes her incapable of empathy for the needs of American families, or as one critic would see it, because she's presumably never told a toddler not to eat an entire package of hotdogs she's incapable of good judgment, is simply put, ignorant.

It concerns me that some would actually believe that. After all, the mission of Savvy Auntie is help make us, the nearly 50% of American who not are moms (yet) more savvy about how to help support the American Family Village. And really? An aunt can't tell a toddler he can't eat an entire package of hotdogs?

Well at least she's not being contested because she's a woman. Or a Jew. She's just being contested for not 'having it all,' as some believe is the amalgam of having a great career and children simultaneously.

As long as Elena Kagan is living her life to its fullest potential, she has it all. And whether or not she has children should not be a concern. Motherhood may not have been part of her journey, but it doesn't mean she's never been down that road.

To read more on Elena Kagan and the 'Non-Mom Myth," read this fantastic story by our new Associate Editor, Melanie Linn Gutowski.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

May 10, 2010,

Dear Savvy Aunties,

50 years ago, The Pill received FDA approval and women were able to enjoy having sex without the worry of getting pregnant if they weren't prepared to have (another) child. Margaret Sanger, an activist who saw her own mother die for having 18 pregnancies. She became determined to enable women to choose their birthrate fates.

(As a side note, in 1951, Sanger met a Harvard scientist named Gregory Pincus, the man who would develop the The Pill behind Sanger's activism and fundraising. Gregory Pincus was my Great Uncle by marriage. Uncle Goodie, as he was known, was married to my Savvy Auntie Lizzie, an eccentric type who made the most delicious hamburgers. My mother was convinced she must have added wine to them. Auntie Lizzie took that secret to grave years ago...)

While my Great Uncle developed the science that would enable women to stop ovulating on a monthly basis, it was Sanger who gave us our freedom to choose by advocating that The Pill be accessible to all women, married or single. This by the way, didn't mean single women were still not prescribed The Pill by stodgy male doctors or judged for their sexual dalliances. The secret truth was that about 50% of American women were having sex outside of marriage. The Pill just enabled them to get pregnant from it.

If it were not for Margaret Sanger, would many more of the nearly 50% of American women who don't have kids be mothers today? Would there be many more moms than PANKs (Professional Aunts No Kids)? Possibly. Sure there are other ways of ensuring not getting pregnant including the use of condoms (which women not in an exclusive relationship with a man with no STDs should be using anyway.) And since abortion is legal in the US, along with the 'morning after pill," there a ways to reverse an early pregnancy.

Or does The Pill enable us the freedom to explore a number of relationships over a decade or two (or three) before settling into life with the right choice. But then it may be too late to conceive. But chances are, our relationships are stronger.

So it begs the question. Are you childless by choice (meaning you choose not to have kids) or childless because you had the choice (not to get pregnant with the wrong man.)

Whatever the case, thanks to Margaret Sanger (and my Uncle Goodie), women can choose the fate of their own birthrate (assuming they don't have a natural fertility issue). Women getting pregnant naturally 18 times is a TV show, not a reality for most. Girls getting pregnant at 17, while it happens too often, is preventable. For those reasons alone, The Pill is a very good thing.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Don't forget to check out some of the new summer Gift ideas in our Gifts section!

May 3, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

There was an interesting article in The New York Times Styles section this weekend about how tweens and teens are communicating with their friends through social networks like Facebook and through texting. While some parents interviewed said that these non-face-to-face encounters enable shyer kids to engage and make friends, even socially adept kids were spending more time communicating electronically than in person.

It makes me wonder how new technologies are changing our relationships with our nieces and nephews. Does texting make it easier to stay in touch?  Does being Friends on Facebook enable us to see what they're up to when before we would have to rely on a report on the phone? Or does all this mean that more intimate one-on-one relationships are out the door? Or that spending time just hanging out is fraught with anxiety over missed texts and Facebook notifications? (We mean the kids, Auntie, not you).

We're finding out big news on Facebook, like when our teen nephews are "In a Relationship" or our tween nieces are "having the best sleepover ever!"  There's no question that the way kids are communicating is changing. And we're learning about their lives just as everyone else is.

It's more important than ever to give your nieces and nephews real world love. Nothing replaces a hug from Auntie. In the meantime, there's texting.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

Connect with Savvy Auntie on Facebook at Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie

April 26, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As you may know by now, I'm writing a book called The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life (William Morrow / HarperCollins). It's like a "parenting guide" for Savvy Aunties that you'll want to get for yourself, a new Mom may give to her child's Auntie, or Aunties may give to another Auntie about to join the Savvy Auntie club.

Of course, it's not just about the Savvy Auntie's relationship with her nieces and nephews, it's about her lifestyle. And since so many Savvy Aunties do not have children of their own (we've dubbed these Aunties PANKs: Professional Aunts No Kids) we'll be highlighting how she copes with society's collective myth that happiness equals motherhood. Which isn't to say that motherhood can't bring happiness to so many women (I've always wanted children, but haven't found their father-to-be yet). But motherhood isn't the only way to a happy lifestyle.

Unless we buy into the myth.

In doing my research, I came across a number of books about women who don't have kids and not only are titles downers, the book covers remind me of sympathy cards. Now there's some good information in these resources and so I don't want to put them down entirely. I'm just tired of describing women without children in a barren negativity that serves no one any good. Titles include: Without Child, The Childless Revolution, Baby Not On Board (to be fair, the latter is for those who are child-free by choice and loving it but still, out of context, the title is a little jarring.)

These titles focus on what we're not. Who describes themselves in the negative? "I'm not a married woman." "I'm not an accountant."  "I'm not a brunette." (Instead, she'd say she's a single, blond fashion designer.)

That's why I call us Savvy Aunties. That's why our look and feel is full of life, color and playfulness. That's why I focus on all the positive things we do - even when the situations we deal with aren't easy.

Maybe I'm just a 'glass half full' kind of woman. Or maybe I'm just tired of drinking the "You-wont-know-happiness/love-until-you-have-kids" Kool Aid either way. Childless women are not all sad, heartbroken women. Our lives are not a waste because we haven't given life (or adopted a child). We are not selfish for not having kids (everything an Auntie gives to a child not her own, including her time and love, is a gift.)

Childless, child-free, without child, no no no.... We're Savvy Aunties. Everything we do for the children in our lives is wrapped in magic. And we are happy to do it.

We should no longer describe ourselves by what we're not, but rather stand proudly for all that we are.

We're nearly 50% of American women. We love the children in our lives. We're Savvy Aunties. And we're happy.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

(I know we can't be happy 100% of the time. And it's normal to be sad at times for not having the children you've always dreamed of - if that's what you've always dreamed of. It just doesn't take over your life. Childlessness is not your identity. It's not you.)

April 19, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Sometimes it's amazing where life takes you. Through a series of events and personal connections, I met Jill Zarin, co-star of Bravo's Real Housewives of New York as her book Secrets of a Jewish Mother, co-authored by her sister Lisa Wexler and mother Gloria Kamen, was coming out. I'm a fan of the show (we all have a guilty pleasure!) but somehow meeting Jill was more like finally seeing an old friend.

Jill sent me a copy of the book soon after we connected and I read it in about a day, hardly putting it down. It made me laugh out loud at how the sisters and Gloria interacted throughout the pages with their sage advice, as well as choke up at the tender points of life. I immediately wanted to interview Jill, Lisa and Gloria when I read about how the aunts in the family have been so influential with their own wisdom and love.

Mothers, aunts..... we're all part of the family - and the greater American Family Village. And now, I feel like I'm part of Jill's family (Gloria insists I come visit her and her husband Sol in Boca this fall). Aunt Cooky (Gloria's sister who is referenced throughout the book) gave me her number to call her anytime. And Sol warmed up to me like I was his niece within seconds of meeting him..

Perhaps the best secret of a Jewish mother is that you don't have to be 'family' to be mishpacha (Yiddish for family).

Here are my video interviews shot in Jill Zarin's apartment. You'll see the warmth shining through. I hope you enjoy the interview and the book as much as I did.

XOXO
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

April 12, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Back in November 2008, Savvy Auntie was fortunate to have been featured in Gay.com. As a result, we received enormous support from gay men and lesbians. In fact, many gay men concluded they were more of a Savvy Auntie than even some straight women they knew.

We know.

So it is no surprise that we connected with Bill Horn and Scout Masterson. Bill and Scout make up The Guncles (gay uncles) on Oxygen's Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. This loving couple are not only among Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott's closeest friends (they call themselves family), they are also Guncles to Liam and Stella, Tori and Dean's kids.

I met Tori and Dean last week at the Oxygen HQ here in New York City and when I asked about The Guncles, Tori got very emotional. She said that she doesn't know what she would do without them. And on Friday, I got to interview The Guncles and get their side of the story. No doubt these reality show stars are among the most committed Savvy Guncles we've ever met. To quote them: "Liam and Stella light up our lives every day we see them."

So here's to the Guncle - these Guncles and all the Guncles, for showing that we're all part of the Family Village, gay or straight, famous or not. As Bill said: "Even celebrity kids poop."

Here's our interview with the Savvy Guncles.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

April 5, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I have to admit that I had a tough time coming up with a topic for this week's Editor's Letter. Usually I know exactly what I want to say each week, but this week I was stumped. So I asked you. Well some of you - those of you on Twitter - since I needed an answer quickly. I got a number of responses (but public and private) immediately and I realized something.

I don't ask for your thoughts often enough.

We have lots of ways for you all to connect with Savvy Auntie when you need some Savvy Auntie advice:

Our Savvy Auntie Forums are a fantastic way to get feedback from the Savvy Auntie Community.

Our Dear Savvy Auntie column enables you to submit a question and get an answer from our Experts.

Some of you have Tweeted your questions on Twitter to me Twitter.com/SavvyAuntie.

I've seen wonderful responses to those who've posed questions on Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie.

And now I suggest you email Editor@SavvyAuntie.com if you have suggestions for topics you'd like to see covered on our Website. I read all my emails.

Yes, it's OUR Website. We're in this together, Aunties. We're in this together.

Thank you.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

March 29, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I'm busy writing The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life (HarperCollins  / Harper Studio) and from time to time, I'll be asking for your comments and ideas. After all, this book is just an extension of the Savvy Auntie community and I want you to be a part of it.

Right now I'm thinking about different Auntie-Types. I know you're all Savvy Aunties, but aunts are as diverse as any other group.  How would you define your Auntie-Type? From Aunties by Relation (ABR) to Aunties by Choice (ABC) to Mommy Aunties (aunts who are also moms) to Aunties-In-Law (married to their uncle), Long Distance Aunties (LDA), Gay Aunties (lesbian aunties and gay uncles),  Auntie Mame types, Eco-Aunties, etc... It begs the question:

WHAT TYPE OF AUNTIE ARE YOU?

Please visit The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life website to share your thoughts. We already have some great new Auntie-Types revealed and I can't wait to hear yours. They may be included in the book!

Visit http://melanienotkin.com/2010/03/auntie-types to add yours!

Thank you and whatever type of Auntie you are, know you are appreciated for all that you do.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

March 21, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As a female entrepreneur, I have found myself on the most amazing journey of my life.
Women who have started their own companies and are recognized as determined and hard workers are not only supported by other female entrepreneurs, they are empowered to keep moving forward with their business and their dreams through the sisterhood we form naturally. We feed off of each other’s success in a way I rarely witnessed in corporate America.

This week I had the unbelievable experience of taking part in a promotional photoshoot for Amy Palmer’s Power Women TV (launching  in the coming months). Some of the women who were part of the shoot I had met over the last year, some more recently, and some I had heard so much about I couldn’t wait to finally connect! After the shoot, we had trouble leaving each other, thanking each other for feeling empowered by our collective energy. Each woman was sincerely grateful for every woman in the room and the women in the decades before us who worked so hard so that we could have the audacity to do what we do.

Here’s a photo we took after the shoot (I can’t show you the actual final photo yet) that we took because we wanted a way to keep the memory and energy going.  I’m the petite one in the white dress, fourth from the left.

 Now that’s a powerful group of women!

Earlier in the week, I was interviewed for a book by the founders of In Good Company, a shared workspace company. Amy Abrams and Adelaide Lancaster thrilled me by coming to my home to interview me. I felt so honored that they felt that Savvy Auntie had come far enough to be included in their book. What an amazing team of female entrepreneurs who are making it easier for other women entrepreneurs to connect through a wonderful work space.

Being a woman entrepreneur is one of the best decisions I ever made with my career. It’s all about good karma. We’re all helping each other, empowering each other.

What a gift. What a life. I’m so happy you’re here to share it with me.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

March 14, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Tomorrow, Monday, March 15th, I turn 41 years old.  Even as a I type it, I can't believe it. I'm 20 years past legal age. I'm officially 'over 40.' And I'm not living the life I expected when I was a little girl.

I'm single. I don't have any children. I always expected I would have been married and a mom by now. I wish I was married and in love. I wish I had been pregnant and had a baby or three.

And yet, I have not one regret. I've been hedging that love will come in time for me to still have all I envisioned. I have not settled.

But as I write my book for HarperCollins Harper Studio: The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life, and spend time learning about what moms-to-be go through when pregnant and what new moms can expect once that baby comes, I can't help but feel a little sad for what I'm missing out on.

And sometimes, when I see a beautiful baby, or a pregnant woman, or the night before a birthday, I feel a tinge of longing for what I've never had.

I've learned that the type of grief women like me who don't have children because we don't have a partner go through is called: disenfranchised grief.  Our Savvy Expert Stephanie Baffone shared that with me.

But then I quickly remember all that I do have and all that I am. I am an aunt to six amazing nephew and nieces. I am the founder of a movement of modern Savvy Aunties. I am happy. And I am proud of every choice I make. Or at least, I don't regret them.

So happy birthday to me. And maybe next year, my story will be different. In the meantime, tonight, this is my truth.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: If you'd like to share your story of disenfranchised grief over not having children, please send it to Book@SavvyAuntie.com. We may quote you in the The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life. Please let us know if we can use your initials, age and state.

March 8, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I love books. They live neatly in my bookcase, they are piled up on my coffee table and night stand, and they are shelved on walls as decor. One of the books among a pile of white covered books stacked against a dark gray hallway wall is Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman. I've owned it since it was published in 1994, only five years after my mother had passed away. It's a nonfiction book that takes a sociological look at women who lost their mothers at childbirth to old age. I lost mine at 19.

And now it's been 21 years since she's been gone. She missed me graduating from adolescence to adulthood, she wasn't there to wave goodbye as I took some belongings, my cat and my first and only car on a one way trip to New York City. She wasn't there when my nephew was born. Or when his sisters were born. It's been a very long time since she was here.

When my mother's mother passed away, my mom held me and cried: "Thank God I have you," she said. "A mother needs a daughter as much as she needs her mother."

Today, I have the memory of my mother and only a dream of a daughter - drifting as I approach my 41st birthday next week. I think I'll call this the "sandwich ungeneration." 

Sometimes, it's lonely in the middle.

When I meet women over 35 who do not have kids, for whatever reason, they want to talk about what that means for them. Whether by choice, by circumstance, or by nature, there is always something a childless (or childfree) woman wants to share.

I am proud to give us a platform to share our grief for what some of us may have lost, for what may never be, and in the same breath, celebrate all that we are.

To life!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Please support our sponsors who support us. Visit Tropicana.com and enroll in the Juicy Rewards program. Tropicana has reached out to Savvy Auntie specifically in an effort to share this rewards program with you, for all that you do, Auntie.

March 1, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

When is comes to our youngest nieces and nephews, newborn through pre-school, we want to help encourage their learning and development. The good news is that it's easier to do than you might think. In fact, you're probably already doing it.

Early childhood educators say that doing what babies and small children do best, play, is what helps them develop into intellectual and social beings.

Everything a child experiences during quality time with Auntie can be a teaching moment. That board book is a great time to help increase their vocabulary through language. Bath time? Well that's science when you talk about how some things float and others sink in the tub. Blocks are filled with engineering! If you put the bigger blocks on top of the little blocks, your castle will fall down! And that tea party helps little girls develop their imaginations, which is very important to have as they become more autonomous and begin to solve their own problems.

Our guest Savvy Expert, Marie Owens, MEd, shares more in her article: Help Your Nieces And Nephews Learn As They Grow.

So go play with your nieces and nephews! And be conscious of all the wonderful things they are learning as you do. That is very savvy, Auntie!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Have you seen our Activities section? Take play to a new level with fun things to do!

February 21, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

One of the goals with creating Savvy Auntie was to showcase how aunts are part of the American Family Village - that not being a mother didn't mean we don't love children or want to nurture them, but rather that we love and nurture lots of children.

The challenge at the beginning was helping marketers realize that there were other women aside from moms who they should be focusing their messaging to. So far, many household-name brands have done so, and we're so proud of our sponsors, which include brands like Hasbro / Playskool, Sprout, Scholastic, TNT, Disney, and many others!

The newest sponsor to really understand the influence of aunts in the family is PepsiCo's Tropicana. Tropicana recently launched its Juicy Rewards program and came to me to help them let aunts know about it. They are letting moms know too - but really see how aunts are an important part of the family as well. I have to say, I am so appreciative of how sponsors as amazing as Tropicana value us. We're making headway! Marketers are listening!

Tropicana was so honest about wanting to include us, that the team flew me out to Chicago to meet them and shoot this little video about the Juicy Rewards program:



It means so much to me that Tropicana wants to reward aunts for all that we do for the children in our lives. It makes me so happy that you are being recognized, Auntie!

Cheers to you - and to brands like Tropicana who support us!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Are you following me on Twitter? Or a Facebook Fan? There's more Savvy Auntie there!

February 14, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

This week, the Winter Olympics are taking place in Vancouver, British Columbia. The best athletes in the world have gathered to compete for the Gold. They live together in the Olympic Village, friends and competitors at the same time. They train together, travel together, compete together.

It made me think.... we cheer on our nieces and nephews at their soccer games, at their gymnastics competitions, as their cheer on their teams... We want them to win! Get that goal! Complete that routine! Make that home run!

But perhaps the Olympics remind us that it takes a village of athletes to make the children better at their game - better athletes. Next time we watch them play, let's cheer on all the kids. They make our nieces and nephews better.

And that's exactly how they get the Gold.

Here are some fun ideas to share the magic of the Olympics with your nieces and nephews, Auntie.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Happy Presidents Day and Happy Chinese New Year, Auntie!

February 7, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Is there anything more amazing than the first time your little niece or nephew tells you they love you?

While Valentine's Day is typically celebrated by lovers (and grade school kids too young to know what that means), why not use this February 14th to remind your nieces and nephews about how much you appreciate their love.

Of course, we've put together list of Savvy "I Love You" Gift ideas for nieces and nephews. But there other ways to show your love on Sunday.

Why not make a special effort to tell your nieces and nephews what you love about them. Is it their giggle? How nice they are to their younger sibling? Perhaps it's how hard they try on the soccer field or in math class. Maybe it's simply because your love is unconditional. There's nothing wrong with a little reminder of that, now is there?

And to YOU, Auntie, I send my love for all that you do to inspire the lives of the children in the Family Village. You are a hero to these children. To some you are their 'other mother' or at the very least a  warm hug, a soft heart, a bended ear.

Happy Valentine's Day, Auntie! May your day be filled with love.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Don't forget to vote for the Cutest Holiday Snapshots! It's our first photo contest and it's sponsored by SnapHaven.com

January 31, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

The following is excerpted from my interview with Elizabeth Gilbert....

Things tend to come full circle in life, even when you don’t know the cycle has begun. In the summer of 2007, I was 38, single and I did not have children. (All except the age are still true.) I was also unemployed and looking for a career that I would love. I decided to start my own company, investing in a journey I hoped would bring me immense life satisfaction and happiness. (It has.)

It was also the summer I stumbled upon Elizabeth Gilbert’s runaway best seller: Eat, Pray Love. (When I say “stumbled upon” I mean I couldn’t help but discover it, with umpteen friends recommending it and Barnes and Noble seemingly decorating its Upper West Side store with it.)  And it was by reading Eat, Pray, Love, which I tended to savor at the end of the day as I lay in bed, that I would go to sleep inspired.  I was saddened when it ended, and until recently, I left the book on my nightstand as a reminder that the best stuff was ahead of me.  It was that summer that I started the work behind SavvyAuntie.com, to give aunts, godmothers and childless women who love, adore and nurture the children in their lives a destination to learn, share and connect. I set off  to offer them a badge of honor, a place to call home.

So it’s not surprising that I anticipated (along with millions of others) Gilbert’s next book: Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage, the next ‘chapter’ in Elizabeth’s life.  And, I could see the circle closing as Gilbert takes special care to talk about her life as “Auntie Liz” for many pages of the book, and refers anecdotally to her nephew and niece throughout.
And then came the day that sealed the circle: Elizabeth agreed to an interview. She’d heard about Savvy Auntie, in fact she had discovered it when researching her book, and was thrilled to talk to me.  (Her exact words were: “I love your website!”) And here we are full-circle: Eat, Pray, Aunt:

Elizabeth Gilbert and the "Auntie Brigade"

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS : Don't forget to enter your niece or nephew in the Cutest Holiday Snapshots Photo Contest! Or, vote for your favorites!

January 24, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As you may have heard, we have a book in the works. With a working title of The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life, I've teamed up with HarperCollins Harper Studio imprint to write a guide book companion to SavvyAuntie.com. The writing is in full swing!

Over the course of the next months, I may ask various questions of you here and on our Facebook page. I want to give as many of you a voice in the book as I can. You are all savvy in many aspects of being "Auntie," and you all have valid and diverse points of view. It wouldn't be the best book it could be without you.

If you are not already there, please join the conversation at Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie as well. And please don't be shy. This is your platform to share and learn from others who are devoted to being the savviest Aunties they can be. Myself included.

Thank you in advance!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Have you  voted in the Cutest Holiday Snapshots photo contest yet? It's sponsored by Snaphaven.com.

January 17, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

This past week, Haiti and the world suffered a great loss. Tens of thousands, perhaps hundreds of thousands of lives were lost in 40 seconds.

40 seconds.

The time it takes to order a latte. Boot up your computer. Text your best friend.

This week mark's Martin Lutther King day... a day of service to our nation and to mankind. A day to remember that the Earth is color blind. And when it shakes and crumbles, whoever bears witness is hurt.

This week, take 40 seconds to do some good for your community and of course to Haiti. Donate to the Red Cross or Doctors without Boarders.

Take 40 seconds to text Haiti to 90999.

Then give your nieces and nephews a lesson in giving back.

And spend 40 seconds remembering how lucky you are that they rock your world they only way it should be moved. With love.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

On a lighter note - If you think your niece or nephew is the cutest, enter their Cutest Holiday Snapshot in our photo contest!

January 10, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the widely popular Eat, Pray, Love, is now out with her long anticipated sequel: Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage, where she shares what happens next in her life.

I'll let you enjoy the book for yourself, but I wanted to point out a very relevant part you should know about. Towards the end of the book, Elizabeth talks about how she is childless by choice (as some of you are) and how fulfilling her role as Auntie Liz is... in fact she lives near her nieces and nephews for that very reason. Elizabeth spends about five pages talking about the importance of aunts in children's lives, even referring to us as the "Auntie Brigade."

The author pulls from history (and The Complete Book of Aunts) proof points on how aunts have raised, developed and nurtured some amazing people like Tolstoy and Copote, not to mention Coco Chanel and many others. And now, by helping to bring the influence of aunts to her large audience, we can add Elizabeth Gilbert to the list of Power Aunties. (I don't quiet have that list finalized yet, but it's something I'm working on!)

Auntie Liz also refers to the statistics we've been pointing out as well that show how PANKs (Professional Aunts No Kids - our term, not hers) make up 50% of American women, and women in the Western world in general. She's also researched how women without children don't grow old any less happy or unhappy than women who do have children.

Cheers to Auntie Liz for featuring the significance of aunts in her book and showing again how influential Savvy Aunties are in the American Family Village, and family villages around the world!  Day by day, step by step, aunts are beginning to get the respect and acknowledgment we deserve.

Thanks, Auntie Liz!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Now you can be Savvy anywhere, Auntie! If you have an iPhone of iPhone Touch, you can download the new, free Savvy Auntie App! Tap on the Savvy Auntie icon to find the latest from Expertise, Activities, Gifts, my Editor's Letters, Forum Posts, my Blog and my Twitter Feed! You can also go directly to the SavvyAuntie.com website straight from there!

January 3, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

With reruns of Glee, I found a new show on TV. I watch very little TV, so what I do watch - guilty pleasure or not - should at least intrigue me. ABC's Modern Family does just that.

If you haven't seen it, it's the story of a man, his new wife (the same age as his own two grown children) and her son, his daughter and her husband and kids, his gay son who is married to a gay man and their adopted little Asian baby. It's a modern family.

While the show is at times funny, at times a little poignant, it does bring to light how the American family has changed over the last few generations. And therefore, so has the profile of aunts in the family village.

Some aunts are the same age as their nieces and nephews. Some are lesbians living more openly than gay women a generation back. Some aunts celebrate a different religion than her nieces and nephews, or come from a different ethnic background. Some are 'step' aunts, for example, the sister of a man married to a women with kids from a previous relationship.

Whatever your profile, it's a challenge to speak to all your concerns, issues, and joys. I try to look at Savvy Auntie as a place where the most modern of family members - and friends - can feel at home. I hope I somewhat succeed.

If there is a topic you'd like to see covered, please email us at Editor@SavvyAuntie.com and we'll consider how we can support your needs. It make take time, but we'll do our best.

In the meantime, Happy New Year again... may it bring you many new modern ideas for this modern world we live in.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS You can also reach us at Twitter.com/SavvyAuntie!

December 27, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As 2010 begins, so does our mission to contribute to the love, nurturing and development of the children in our lives. As Aunts by Relation, Aunts by Choice, Godmothers and all women who love the children in our lives, especially those of us without children of our own, we are beginning to get noticed in the media and by marketers!

We are a valuable part of the American Family Village. And I will continue to help us get the information and resources we need and yes - the acknowledgment we deserve - to keep forging ahead and becoming the savviest Aunties we can be.

Cheers to you this New Year's! May you continue to focus on your relationships with your nieces and nephews -and with yourself. May you continue to find a community of women just like whom you can learn from and with whom you can share your greatest moments...and your most challenging times as an aunt. And may you have love, joy, health and success all year through.

Here's to you. Here's to Savvy Aunties! Here's to 2010!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

December 20, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Joy is one of my favorite words. And there's something about the Holiday season that brings me much of it. It didn't always....

The Holidays are also a time when we often feel our loneliest  if we have yet to find love. We feel our motherhoodlessness if we are yet to children, or cannot have children. If we have chosen not to have kids, it's still a time when families take center stage.

But when I stopped searching for happiness... or waiting for it to come to me, I realized that happiness was a choice.

Instead of focusing on NOT being in love, I focused on loving myself. Instead of focusing on NOT being a mom, I focused on what I am - an aunt (and a good one too, I might add).

The Christmas season, even for those of us who do not celebrate it directly, still seasons our lives with the light and spirit that appears all around us.

We hope you have everything you want this Holiday season, Auntie. And if you can't get what you want... we hope you have all that you need.

Wishing you, your nieces and nephews and all the children in your life, a healthy, happy and joyous Holiday season.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: As I wrote this, I found a piece of paper snow in my sleeve. It's a souvenir from Cirque Du Soleil's Wintuk that's performing right now at Madison Square Garden in New York City. If you and your nieces and nephews are in the City this season, try to catch this magical show. Because they are a sponsor, MSG is offering us a Kids Go Free Special Offer. Use Code 50MAGIC on select shows. Here's the link. Enjoy!

December 13, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

This week marks the Festival of Lights, or Hanukkah as most call it. Or is it Chanukah? It seems no one has decided on the 'correct' spelling and so we use both here on SavvyAuntie.com. After all, the whole point of the Holidays is to be inclusive! We've also got some Christmas content (I know it's not Kristmas!) and are working on some Kwanzaa related content as well!

Whichever holidays you are celebrating this season, we know that if you are not spending it with the children you love, or with loved ones, or with a special loved one, it can be lonely. We hope you'll come back to visit us here at Savvy Auntie and share your highs and your sighs with us. That's what we're here for. When you don't have a built-in family unit, you have us!

On a personal note, I'm thinking about my Great Auntie Sarah today. She passed away exactly a year ago and she was one of the inspirations for Savvy Auntie. Not only was she the matriarch of my maternal family, she was an Auntie extraordinaire! She never forgot to call me at the holidays (always catching me before I could call her!) to make sure I wasn't missing anyone or anything in my life (she was very good at letting me know she cared without making me feel less-than or pressure to have a family of my own before it could come naturally my way). And of course, this holiday season, I am missing her more than ever.

Happy Chanukah, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Christmakkah or whatever you celebrate. And if the Holidays just aren't your thing, that's ok too. I just wish for you happiness, love, joy and peace. And a hug from a niece or nephew.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Still looking for a cool gift idea this season? Check out our Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Award winners! http://savvyauntie.com/CoolestToyAwards

December 5, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I've been offered a book deal by Harper Studio, an imprint of HarperCollins! This means there is a Savvy Auntie book in the future!

The book is called: The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life!

Like this Community, The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life will include content that you'd expect in order to live the Savvy Auntie Lifestyle - plus a whole lot more. I've learned so much from our Savvy Experts - as I am sure you have - and I plan to go back to them for more in depth content as well as include new expertise in areas we haven't yet touched on here. The book will at times be serious, at times be a lot of fun, and always dedicated to you, Auntie.

From time to time, I may ask you what you'd like to see covered in the book - as you are a fabulous representation of the women who will want to read it. Some Savvy Auntie members may even be cited in the book!

Earlier today, I published a blog post  on the book deal with Harper Studio. There's more information there.

In the meantime, I just couldn't wait to share the exciting news with you here. You are the inspiration for this Website, the book, and everything I do here at Savvy Auntie HQ. Thank you so much!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Are you a member of SavvyAuntie.com? It's free to join and once you're a member, you can join the conversation throughout the site! Just go to the homepage and click Register to join!

November 29, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Did you survive Black Friday? I'm writing this on the eve of Cyber Monday as the season of deals continues. Time and time again I get asked what the 'coolest' toys of the season are. After all, Savvy Aunties have to keep up their 'cool' status - and what's the point it getting the wrong gifts?!

We've put together our list of hottest picks - aka the toys the children in your life covet - and gave them awards! Our first annual Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Awards was designed to help Aunties like you make the best choices this holiday season. After all, we're here to help make you savvy at the holidays, Auntie!

Plus, Margaret Bristol put together list of shopping tips for you too! Shop Savvy, Auntie!

And our sponsor FashionPlaytes.com is offer you $10 off a $25 or more Gift Card with promo code SAVVY10.

And if you're reading this over Cyber Monday, please check out the deals I found at JCP.com!

Oh and the big news? We're giving away two of the Coolest Toys this season! Yep - LEGO Star Wars and Zhu Zhu Pets! Enter here for a chance to win!

Of course our Gifts section is filled with over 900 gift ideas if you still can't find the right gift idea for your nieces and nephews! Just use our Savvy Search function to filter down to the perfect choice!

Get shopping, Auntie!  And Happy Holidays!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Are you are Fan of Savvy Auntie? Join our Facebook Page at http://facebook.com/SavvyAuntie. It's active with plenty of tips and comments! We'd love to see you there!

November 22, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Happy Thanksgiving! It's that time of year when we reflect on what we're grateful for.... and while I must put my nephew and nieces at the top of the list - for making me feel so loved and appreciated - and just for being as amazing as they are... you are all a close second.

Just over a year ago, I launched SavvyAuntie.com... and since that day, you have all been there to support and contribute, visit and share. You have made my mission of giving aunts, godmothers, and all women who love kids, a place to connect and find new and useful information - and community.

So I thank you, whether you've been here since day one, or this is your very first time. Thank you for sharing in this fantastic dream of mine.

And thanks to all the uncles, moms, dads, grandparents, in-laws, cousins, siblings, friends and neighbors, who have recognized and appreciated our value in the Family Village.

Thanks to all the Savvy Experts who contribute their talent to help make us all more savvy.

Thanks to our Sponsors, who literally found us on day one... and continue to support SavvyAuntie.com and reach this most amazing and powerful audience.

And finally, thanks to my aunts...my Great Auntie Sarah, who passed away earlier this year, my Auntie Ethel, Auntie Marilyn, and all the women in my life who continue to inspire me.

Happy Thanksgiving, Auntie.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: There are many people who have helped contribute to the success of this Community. While I may not have thanked you directly in this letter, you know who are. And you are very much appreciated.

November 15, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Many of our nieces are little fashionistas. They just have a passion for fashion. Older ones may watch TV shows like Project Runway, dreaming of attending FIT one day, while little ones style their fashion dolls like they are about to walk the runway.

This year, there was an abundance of new fashion dolls and toys that encourage design and creativity. In fact, four different fashion dolls made our first annual Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Awards, along with Harumika, crafty playsets that enables girls to use - and reuse - swatches of fabric and ribbon to create their own designs.

Barbie(R) launched Barbie Fashionistas, a very stylin' set of six Barbie dolls (sold separately), each with her own personality. MGAE launched two new fashion dolls: Moxie Girlz and BFC Ink Dolls. The Moxie Girlz are meant to encouarge confidence in girls, while the BFC Ink dolls are designed to inspire a difference in opinion and respect for others. These three doll brands received Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Award Honorable Mentions.

Ultimately, we chose the new Spinmaster brand Liv Dolls as the winner of the fashion doll craze this season. Daniela, Katie, Sophie and Alexis each have a backstory that encourages girls to go out and achieve their goals, even if the Liv girls are not perfect. They also come with two wigs so girls have plenty of hair to style, a brush, beautiful glass eyes and 14 points of articulation. As far as we know, that's more movement that any fashion doll on the market.

If your nieces loves fashion dolls, any of these Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Awardees will be a welcome holiday gift. We just think of that the Liv Dolls were the most innovative of the bunch this year.

If you were planning a higher-priced gift this year, the new Barbie 3-story Dream Townhouse was honored in the Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Awards Lux category. We asked a question on our Facebook Fan Page last month about the one toy Savvy Aunties regret never receiving as little girls, and so many of you said you always wanted a Barbie Dreamhouse.  So we thought this fashionable home was the perfect lux gift for modern fashionista niece.

And this week, in keeping with the fashionista theme, we welcome FashionPlaytes.com as our latest sponsor. Fashion Playtes enables girls ages 5 plus to go online and design their own clothes! The clothes even include the girl's own label and can be purchased to wear once designed! Fashion Playtes contacted Savvy Auntie so that we could help them let you know about this gift idea for the holiday season. And to help keep you on budget, they are offering $10 off a $25 Fashion Playtes Gift Certificate. Just use code SAVVY10 at checkout.

So there you have it Savvy Auntie - the lo-down on some of the most fashionable gifts of the season. We hope it helps keep you in style with the designer wanna-bes you love so much.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: For a list of all the Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Award Winners, click here.

November 8, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Well, I'm not the only one who turned 40 this year. The venerable Sesame Street celebrates 40 years with the same charm and values as it always has, with new features to boot. It has a new show open, a new block format, an entirely new nature curriculum (kicked off by First Lady Michelle Obama in the first episode!) and my personal favorite, a first-ever CGI-animated segment called: Abby Cadabby's Flying Fairy School.

To help all you Savvy Aunties get the savvy on Sesame, the lovely people behind the scenes invited me (!) to visit the Sesame Street set in Astoria, Queens, NY, and show me how the furry half lives. I got to meet Abby Cadabby (a certain Savvy Niece's favorite character) and sit in Big Bird's nest. I also got to see how the Sesame Street Muppets(TM) are repaired and maintained, as well as see a new scene being shot. The good people at The Sesame Workshop also showed me new innovations to the Sesame Street web destination for kids and I got to meet some of the famous Muppeteers.

The thing about Sesame Street's anniversary isn't so much that it turns 40 this week, but that it turns 40 with integrity. Sure, it's dealt with controversary (Cookie Monster eats cookies. Cookies are not vegetables. uh oh.... and there are those who think Ernie and Bert might be more than just roommates), but throughout its history, Sesame Street has maintained its focus on joy and education, while constantly modernizing. It's also dealt with tough issues like dealing with grief - and Mr. Hooper's death (it happened simultaenously when the actor Will Lee suddenly passed away). Big Bird's photo of Mr. Hooper that I noticed by his nest is a testiment to their relationship. But over all, it's kept up with the times by integrating fun pop culture themes into its shows...ones even Savvy Aunties can appreciate.

In the 40th season, Sarah Jessica Parker, who plays Carrie in Sex and the City, shows up on Sesame Street "Looking for Something Big." Of course, it's no surprise she's looking for Big Bird. And Sesame Streets parodies of Mad Men and the iPod commercials are brilliantly executed to teach young ones, while care takers can equally enjoy.

We were lucky, those of us who great up with Sesame Street, to have received such positive educational programming. And our nieces and nephews are equally as fortunate to able about to tune into the show, plus they have access to SesameStreet.org, and all the DVDs and other educational Sesame Street products now on the market (that we love to give them.)

Of course, not many are as fortunate as I to be able to have actually gone to Sesame Street.... walked on history... taken photos with furry celebrities.... See the magic behind the curtain. I am lucky indeed. It's an experience I will never forget.

By the way - to answer your question re: how do you get to Sesame Street? I took a shuttle bus with a very small number of other family-themed website founders and bloggers. And yes to your second question; they did serve cookies.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: We found out 40 Things Every Savvy Auntie Needs to Know About Sesame Street. Find them here!

Thanks to Ken Leonardo and the entire team at PBS Sprout for inviting me to Sesame Street.

All modern Sesame Street photos credits: Richard Termine.
Sesame Street season 1, 1969: Sesame Workshop.
Photo of me, Abby Cadabby and Elmo are courtesy my visit to Sesame Street in October 2009.

November 1, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Today is the New York City Marathon. Some run to reach a goal, some run to keep in shape, some run for the experience, some run to raise money for others... For some it's about reaching the finish line, for some, it's about bettering a previous time, and for some it's a race against others.

A marathon is a great metaphor for life. Are you living with a purpose, with a goal? Are you enjoying the experience of life, taking in the scenery, remembering to breathe during the uphill battles? Are you on this journey to get to the end, feeling good for having made? Are you always trying to improve on your previous accomplishments? Are you inspired by others? Or do others make you feel competitive?

Or do you feel like you're in the wrong race? Living an inauthentic life?

November means the Holidays are coming... time for family, for some a time for spirituality, and for all, a finish line on December 31st.

Start thinking now about the marathon you're running... who's standing cheering you on? What are hoping to accomplish?

Then, when 2010 rings in, you can start fresh... focused on your life's goals. Having myself felt like I was running the wrong marathon just a couple of years ago, I turned my life around. I no longer care about others' expectations for me on marriage-hood or motherhood. And I started the company of my dreams.

You have it in you. I know you do.

Ready...Set.... GO!

XOXO,
Auntie Melanie

Our sponsor, Scholastic, is publishing the 6th The 39 Clues book on November 3rd! It's called "In Too Deep" by Jude Watson. Here's more information on this highly anticipated next book in the acclaimed The 39 Clues series!

PS: November also means it's time to start holiday shopping for your nieces and nephews! Check out our first annual Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Awards for our favorite picks of the season!

October 25, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Last week I was pretty vocal about my thoughts on The Shriver Report: A Woman's Nation Changes Everything, for neglecting to have a focus on women who are not mothers - about 50% of American women today. It was a lofty and ambitious attempt to bring forward issues facing women today - but ended up being a treatise on motherhood and mothers who work.

I wasn't the only one who, while supporting the report in theory, had objections to the content or slant of the findings.

Bella DePaulo, an advocate for singles - men and women - shared her take on the Report in Psychology Today. It's an indepth look at how The Report neglects the millions of single women in America and the issues they face. I first connected with Bella when I launched Savvy Auntie and she has been a welcome and supportive advocate for aunts - she being a loving one herself.

Joanne Lippman took another point of view. In her New York Times Op Ed piece today, she writes about The Mismeasure of Woman and how attitudes toward women in the workforce has plateaued and until women are given the respect we deserve, we can't call more women in the workforce "progress."

And I heard from many moms who don't want their womanhood to be defined as motherhood. There's more to them - and more to what they contribute to society - than motherhood, they say.

What The Shriver Report has done is open the conversation for women to express their points of view - whether single, professionals, or not (yet) mothers. I was Twittering to @MariaShriver and @iVIllage (the NBCU site that was promoting 'conversation' about The Shriver Report on Twitter), and tagging each relevant tweet to #Womensnation so that those behind The Report might ask me to join the conversation by actually conversing back.

But alas, my Tweets fell silent - except for the hoorays from other Savvy Aunties - and moms - like you.

As aunts, we play an important role in society. As professionals (most of us), we play an influential role in the economy. As women - we deserve to be heard and share the platform with all women.

That's what a "Women's Nation" is, after all. And if we were finally included in the conversation - that would indeed change everything.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Please help me welcome our sponsor, Yoplait Delights. You Deserve a Delightful Treat with only 100 Calories, Auntie! You can find Yoplait Delights at www.yoplaitdelights.com.

October 18, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

The Shriver Report: A Study by Maria Shriver and the Center for America Progress was released today with the slogan: A Woman's Nation Changes Everything.

It might as well have been called: A Mother's Nation Changes Everything. The study, meant to change the way government policy and businesses modernize with the new standing of women in the economy - a change I completely support - interchanges the word "woman" with "mother" so often it's as if all women are mothers.

Nearly 50% of American women are actually not mothers. Which does not mean they never will be. But today, 45.1% of American women through the age 44 do not have children. This US Census data does not account for the women 45 and over, so we estimate that nearly 50% of women are not moms.

As you may have heard, I've dubbed this influential segment of our nation's women PANKs - Professional Aunts No Kids.

I agree that drastic changes need to be made as women account for 50% of the US workforce. And I applaud Maria Shriver, the Center for American Progress, and NBCU - the media platform that will be sharing the findings with the nation this week - for finally bringing to light the new face of the American economy.

And I agree that the American family has changed and support all efforts that enable moms and dads to work and raise their children without having to sacrifice as much as they do today.

But when speaking of the nation's women and the economy, women without children who love, nurture and support the children in their lives should be part of the conversation. The women who have discretionary income and time that they spend in our economy should have a voice.

Otherwise, we really haven't come a long way, have we?

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Please help me welcome our newest sponsor, Yoplait Delights. You Deserve a Delightful Treat with only 100 Calories, Auntie! You can find Yoplait Delights at www.yoplaitdelights.com.

October 11, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

"You're just an aunt," they told Savvy Auntie member 'aidensaunt' when she was seeking grief support after she lost her two-day old nephew. She wasn't allowed into the group.

Just an aunt?

Before I launched SavvyAuntie.com in the summer of 2008, I asked aunts from around the country what made them a Savvy Auntie. A 26 year old aunt from New York replied:

People always tell mothers that having children will change their lives but nobody tells the aunts that their lives will change too. I would do ANYTHING for my 3 nephews and niece. I love them more than I thought I could love anything or anyone.

We're not their mom - and we don't claim to be. But that doesn't mean that from the minute they're born we're not madly in love and committed to doing whatever we can to nurture, support, develop and engage our nieces and nephews.

We're not their mom - but we're guardians, secret-keepers, mentors, joy-givers, and loving members of the family. Even when we're not blood-related - we're family.

Just an aunt? That's like saying, they're 'just nieces and nephews.'

Nearly 50% of American women don't have children of their own. But we have nieces, nephews, godchildren, little cousins, neighbors, etc, whom we love and adore. While we could not find a support group for grieving aunts, we were able to offer AidensAunt support via our Community. You can learn more about AidensAunt, as well as BKearney who lost her baby neice Abby, as they gather support from other aunts in our Forums.  We have each other to lean on.

And that's what makes you a Savvy Auntie.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: For more information about aunts in grief, here's wonderful article by our resident grief expert, Stephanie Baffone.

On a much lighter note, please welcome Savvy Auntie's newest sponsor - Scholastic! They've just published the latest book in the classic Clifford series called: Clifford the Champion. Thanks to Scholastic for recognizing aunts as part of the family.

October 4, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I am so excited about the toys and gifts that I've been seeing, testing and experiencing this year. This Holiday gift season is going to be a lot of fun, especially since there are great ideas at every price point.

We're working on the first annualSavvy Auntie Coolest Gift Awards program, getting the last details in our on favorites. There are parenting awards and other very presigious toy awards that do a great job helping gift-givers decide what to get for the Holidays. But the Savvy Auntie Coolest Gift Awards program is designed for you - so you know you are giving the coolest -and most appropriate gifts- to all the important children in your life. Our job is to help you maintain that Cool Aunt status of yours!

Here's a list of some of just some of the brands and characters that are currently in the running to make the list of Coolest Gifts for Nieces and Nephews!

Bakugan, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen,  Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Lego, Barbie, Liv Dolls, Moxie, Princess And The Frog, Crayola, Leapfrog, Vtech, Tonka, Matchbox, Zhu Zhu Pets, EyeClops, I Can Do That Games, Nerf, Printies, Dora Links, Playskool, Nickelodeon and many, many more. In fact, our biggest challenge? Deciding on which we love the most!

We'll keep you posted. In the meantime, check out our Gifts section for close to 900 of our favorite gift ideas!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Enter to win one of two Toshiba Laptops! Simply take the Weblings Poll here to enter!